i just have a lot of feelings
So, I went to The Hobbit Movie Marathon today to see all three films back-to-back, and I really need to get some thoughts out of my head because I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted and devastated after this film that I don't think I'll be able to sleep unless I write them down. So, without further ado…
ALL THE THOUGHTS I NEVER SHARED ABOUT THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG LAST YEAR
(I started writing this shortly before 3 a.m. on 12/29/13 because SUDDEN FEELINGS ABOUT DOS.)
I imagine one of the chief complaints about The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug centered around the numerous additions to what was originally a very simple story. Characters of Tolkien’s creation appear where they did not originally, one character in particular was completely made up, and we discover that several characters’ backstories are expanded upon or tweaked to fit the story the filmmakers wanted to tell. For some hardcore Tolkien fans, I suspect this was a difficult pill to swallow.
As a hardcore Tolkien fan myself? I loved it.
The problem that I believe the filmmakers struggled with is largely the story world’s lack of depth. That’s not really Tolkien’s fault; it’s just a fact. The Hobbit was written between the tidbits written in the trenches during WWI that would later become The Silmarillion, and the sprawling tale told in The Lord of the Rings. Hell, the ring Bilbo finds in The Hobbit is just a simple magic ring; it didn't become the One Ring until the book was edited and reprinted after the release of The Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit was simply marketed as a story for children, recommended for publishing by the son of Tolkien’s publisher Stanley Unwin.
I found myself more irritated by the changes made to Peter Jackson’s LOTR films than I did the ones to the two Hobbit films thus far, probably because where Tolkien left so much to the imagination in The Hobbit, he developed to painstaking detail in The Lord of the Rings. And perhaps I’ve just grown to understand that what sounds amazing on paper falls flat in a visual medium like film. This is the primary problem with The Hobbit: on paper, much of it is Bilbo hemming and hawing about the situations he’s thrown into, and whining and moping that he isn’t in his lovely hobbit hole enjoying the comforts of home. His character development is an important facet of the story, but if the focus were entirely on him, it would be a pretty boring series of films. There are thirteen dwarves in the company that sets forth from Hobbiton for the Lonely Mountain, and yet the only ones who receive any sort of characterization whatsoever in the text are Thorin and Balin. (And Balin is a bit of a stretch; I only recall that Bilbo felt he was very kind where the others were indifferent, or in Thorin’s case, rather nasty.) If the film progressed like the book, with no real introspection into the dwarves and their motivations, it’d be so dull! And there’s so much going on in the background (Gandalf’s disappearances, the activities of the White Council, political upheaval in Esgaroth) that would simply raise too many questions if left out of a film representation of the book.
Converting a text into a visual medium often brings to light flaws in the main plot. This is why scenes familiar to readers end up scrapped or altered. I wasn’t surprised that the scene with Beorn was considerably trimmed down from its length in the book. Can you imagine how long it would have taken to get all of those dwarves into Beorn’s house in groups of twos and threes? That scene is brilliant in the book, because of its subtle humor and the way it shows what a wily trickster Gandalf can be when he wants to, but in the film I imagine it would have the same effect on me that a bad SNL sketch would: “Dear god, is it over yet?”
Likewise, much needs to be added to bulk up the characterization of film characters. You’re telling one long story over three films; you need to make us give a damn about these characters, particularly because the film isn’t entirely from Bilbo’s perspective the way the book is. The dwarves again, for example: I can tell each and every one of those dwarves apart, not just because of their appearances (and what a great job the costume and art design departments did with individualizing their hair, weapons, and wardrobe), but because of their behavior. I can watch the scene where Dwalin threatens to rip off Bard’s son’s arms and think, “Yeah, that sounds like Dwalin.” Balin’s wise and kindly, a bit like the dwarven substitute for Gandalf. Kili is young, bawdy, and romantic; his brother Fili headstrong and a little cocky, and clearly devoted to his uncle. There’s Oin the healer, and Gloin the family man who’s perhaps a touch more miserly than the others. Bofur is tactless but honest and good-hearted; Bifur’s got an axe embedded in his head and lacks the ability to speak anything other than Khuzdul. Bombur might be the film’s resident comic relief figure, what with his eating anything and everything he comes into contact with, but he’s a force to be reckoned with when you stick an axe in his hands. Ori’s young and skittish on his first adventure with his brothers, a bit reminiscent of Bilbo; Dori, with his robes and tiny glasses of wine, seems perhaps the most well-mannered of the dwarves; and brother Nori is a bit of a thief who seems to have a knack for seeking out treasure (or keyholes) within the rocks.
And Thorin… Thorin reminds me a bit of Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings, but much less passive. Where Aragorn eschewed the role he was born to claim, Thorin has suffered for decades, scraping by in hopes of someday reclaiming his throne and giving meaning to the title King Under the Mountain. He is full of anger, mistrust, and fear, and I think his fear is what makes him so interesting. It’s the same fear of failing Aragorn faced: “You are Isildur’s heir, not Isildur himself,” Arwen told him before the tapestry depicting the fall of Sauron in The Fellowship of the Ring. The same concern lies heavily upon Thorin, it seems; will he be driven to madness by greed, like his grandfather, or will he take up the mantle of King as more than his birthright, but as an opportunity to repair the frayed relationships between the dwarves and the elves and men of the region? Readers of the book obviously know how this plays out, but it’s interesting to consider how the Thorin of the films would face this internal struggle. Richard Armitage does a phenomenal job playing him; it’s too bad most film awards don’t typically recognize acting in genre films as legitimate performances worthy of acclaim.
The relationship between Thorin and Bilbo is slightly different from the book as well. Thorin still maintains a begrudging acceptance of Bilbo’s presence in his company, although he’s proven his worth time and time over. But in the film, it’s a little clearer that he appreciates Bilbo’s work with the company. So I’m curious to see how the scene in which Bilbo sells the Arkenstone to Bard and Thranduil to use as a bargaining chip with Thorin in an exchange for peace plays out. In the book, it felt like less of a betrayal and more of a trick because Bilbo was fed up with Thorin’s stubbornness; the emotional depth wasn’t really there. In the film, I’m predicting it’s going to be viewed by Thorin as an arch betrayal, while Bilbo sees it as trying to find a way to save Thorin from himself and from his family’s history of greed and madness. The scene in The Desolation of Smaug where Smaug talks to Bilbo about what Thorin thinks of him, playing mind games with him, trying to cast doubt about Thorin’s intentions regarding Bilbo… it was brilliant, and I think it really set up a lot of the endgame for Battle of the Five Armies.
With the release of The Desolation of Smaug, we’re introduced to a few characters new to the screen adaptation of the book, most notably Thranduil, Bard, and Tauriel (a character created just for the film by writers Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens). I remember balking at Arwen’s beefed-up presence in the films when The Lord of the Rings was released (particularly the rumors of a deleted sequence wherein she shows up at Helm’s Deep, because it was so ridiculously out of character, and also because I felt her role was inflated to the detriment of Éowyn’s in the second and third films), but ever since I’d heard Evangeline Lilly had been cast in the role of Tauriel, I was excited to see what she’d bring to the story. And I loved it. Where Arwen’s increased presence felt out of place and not particularly vital to the story, I thought Tauriel’s role as captain of the guard was fascinating. First, because The Hobbit has exactly zero female characters, and as a woman who loves so many things about Tolkien’s legendarium, this pains me. It’s not that I necessarily feel that I can’t relate to any male characters in the series at all purely because of their maleness; it’s just that it seems so nonsensical that not a single female character does anything of any importance in the entire book. Except Galadriel, maybe, but the White Council clearing the Necromancer out of Dol Guldur isn’t described within the book’s narrative. Second, I liked the fact that she described herself as “a lowly Silvan elf.” She’s average, as far as elves go. I think she’s the first elf we’ve met who isn’t possessed of any power, political, magical, or otherwise. The wood elves are different from the high elves, as the dwarves are told before entering Mirkwood; less wise, and more dangerous. I certainly think that’s true of Tauriel, and even of Legolas, who is descended from high elves (if I recall correctly). The way they show up in the woods after the dwarves and Bilbo escape from the spiders makes it hard to ascertain straight away whether these are good or bad characters we’re running into (from the perspective of the dwarves, particularly). And the elf vs. dwarf antagonism was very well done; I know everyone in my theatre enjoyed the irony of Legolas’s jab toward Gloin’s “goblin mutant” son, who would later become his best friend.
Moving on to the other elves - I really enjoyed Lee Pace’s portrayal of Thranduil, the elven-king of Mirkwood. Pace gave an air of vanity and self-importance to the character which really set him apart from other elves of power like Elrond and Galadriel, who are more selfless and concerned with the fate of the world than Thranduil is, isolated in his woodland kingdom. He seems kind of bitter, having withdrawn from the world the way he has, like he's seen too much evil and he just doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. He just wants the treasure Smaug stole and then he's happy to fuck off back to Mirkwood like nothing ever happened. It's easy to see why he and Legolas would butt heads. (It's also easy to see how much Legolas grows up by the end of LOTR. With a father like that, no wonder he's mistrustful of dwarves.)
I liked how the filmmakers improved the role of Bard in the movies, since he's really not that big of a figure except for the fact that he kills the dragon. But of course, in films you have to really punch people in the face with the important bits, so it makes sense they'd inflate his role a bit. No problems with that - Luke Evans is a fantastic actor, his rapport with the kids who play his children is great, and the struggle of him being a halfway decent person in a town run by total bastards was interesting to watch. I liked the common man version of Bard, shamed by his peers for his forebear's inability to kill the dragon when Girion was lord of Dale. Reminded me a bit of Aragorn, the whole "unwilling noble leader" archetype.
And of course, Smaug the Terrible/Tremendous/Magnificent/any number of Bilbo's adjectives for him - really worth the wait. I loved how much the writers pulled from the book for his dialogue with Bilbo, because it's just so clever and sneaky and I always loved "Inside Information" in the book. Even better was the hints at Thorin growing madder and madder, just like his grandfather, and when he interrogates Bilbo about the Arkenstone… jesus. Great acting all around.
Having seen all three films, Desolation of Smaug is categorically MY FAVORITE, and probably my favorite among all of Peter Jackson's Tolkien legendarium films. Can't wait to get my extended edition Blu-Ray. :D
MY THOUGHTS ON THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
- Bard's relationship with his kids was so heartwarming. Jesus. When Sigrid and Tilda screamed and ran for him when they made it to shore I was SO!!!!! I DON'T HAVE WORDS
- I can’t help it. I am such a sucker for the Kili/Tauriel romance subplot. I CAN’T HELP IT. When he gave her the stone I was just like
- Dragon madness Thorin was so perfect and awful and when Dwalin was crying with horror I was so!!! MOVED!!! Thorin's suspicion that one of his kinsmen had stolen the Arkenstone and Bilbo being all shifty and shit and Thorin's all "you're my only true friend" and Bilbo's all "um, about that" oh my god YES Thorin was so unchill it was great
- Thorin trying to throw Bilbo over the ramparts and everyone's like "U NEED TO STOP" and Fili and Kili being all "I WILL FIGHT YOU"
- Martin Freeman was really, really good in this film. I've been kind of here and there on his performance as Bilbo but he really killed it in this one. His real talk moments with literally everyone… god bless Bilbo Baggins. What was it he said to Gandalf… "I wasn't asking for your permission" or whatever before he put on the Ring and zipped off to Ravenhill?
- BADASS BITCH QUEEN GALADRIEL GOING ALL GIRL-FROM-THE-RING ON THE NECROMANCER'S ASS LIKE W/E although what is that whole unresolved sexual tension thing with Gandalf???
- Getting to see Elrond fight like a motherfucker was the best thing ever oh my god his twirly cloak and his sword just beating the hell out of those Nazgul. Yes. YES. Same for Saruman even though it was definitely a stunt double because Christopher Lee is like 95 years old, jesus.
- The ghost Nazgul were creepy as fuck, incidentally!!!
- Lee Pace has the best facial expressions/side eye/slinky body movements as Thranduil. Seriously. I didn't know whether to slap him or jump him.
- Orlando Bloom is so terrible but I LOVE HIM???? He brings out my stupid inner 13-year-old, the one who used to lurk on in-bloom.net and whose question "What is a Legolas?" got me into this whole Tolkien mess in the first place.
- I used to be a jerk about Evangeline Lilly because she drove me nuts on Lost and then she dated Dominic Monaghan but now that I know he's a tool and she is a huge Tolkien fan and an adorable nerd and SO GREAT as Tauriel I just fucking love her and I'm so glad they added her into the films.
- The battle scenes were fucking great. Normally I'm like "oh great, another fight scene" but dude, literally all of the fight scenes had me on the edge of my seat/wincing/trying not to scream. I think I did scream a little bit in the final fight with Azog and Thorin, mostly when Azog wasn't dead yet and he stabbed Thorin in the foot through the ice block. (But Azog popping through the ice was kind of predictable because every action movie has that it-seems-like-he's-dead-but-WAIT moment, and also because Thorin wasn't dead yet and presumably he was going to die by Azog's hand.)
- All of the armor was so fucking cool! I always love how the folks at Weta Workshop differentiate the various cultures through their armor and weaponry. The battle formation for the dwarves of the Iron Hills was so neat, and the way the elves moved through their formations so elegantly was just… UGH I LOVE THAT KIND OF SHIT SO MUCH.
- I wish there had been more Bard because Bard is great and Luke Evans is a hottie. :(
- Dain was funny as fuck. Something about dwarves with really thick accents cracks me the hell up. Also, HE RIDES A FUCKING PIG. BLESS.
- THE DEATH SCENES. I FUCKIN' CRIED MYSELF INTO HYSTERICS. First, they have to kill Fili in front of Thorin and Dwalin and Bilbo. FUCK. Then his dead body falls onto the ground right in front of Kili. NO. Then Kili gets impaled through the heart trying to defend Tauriel and avenge his brother, presumably. FUCK. And then Thorin fucking gives up and lets Azog plunge his sword-arm into his heart. NO. NO. NO. He gets the last laugh and all, but I forgot how much the scene with Bilbo was gonna destroy me. When Bilbo starts panicking and saying "no, no, no" I was this fucking close to full-out bawling in the theatre. I steamed up my glasses and I couldn't breathe, I was literally the shaking-and-crying meme come to life for like 45 minutes. It was horrible. Fili and Kili were my favorite dwarves in the book for some reason (I say that because the dwarves don't have much personality in the book so I don't really know why I felt so attached to them) but the pain of losing them onscreen was worse than pretty much every single character death in The Lord of the Rings combined. Maybe it's because I'm older and seeing people lose loved ones hurts more when you can understand it and you have a sense of your own mortality.
- I also cried when Thorin pulled his head out of his ass and threw down the crown and did the gentle head-bump with Kili before they all went out to battle. I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE LINE OF DURIN.
- WTF was that random bit about Legolas' mom dying in Angmar and Thranduil being all "your mother really loved you"?? THIS MOVIE IS NOT ABOUT LEGOLAS K BYE
- Why is Dain pronounced like "dayne" and Dunédain pronounced like "dune-eh-dine"??? I need to consult my Languages of Middle-Earth book on this matter.
- Everyone was laughing when Thranduil told Legolas to go find Aragorn and the Dunédain but I was still torn up over losing all my favorite dwarves so I was really agitated and I started to cry again lmfao. I also have serious feelings over Legolas' loyalty to Aragorn so in my hyper-emotional state I was just like "CAN YOU ALL STOP GIGGLING THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!" :'(
- People also laughed when Gandalf was trying to light his pipe after everyone dies and I was like "THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR A SCENE LIKE THIS UGH"
- Tauriel kneeling over Kili's dead body. :( :( :( Putting the stone back in his hand. :'( :'( :'( Telling Thranduil "If this is love, I don't want it, take it away. Why does it hurt so much?" in such an anguished way… GOODBYE, UNIVERSE.
- Bilbo saying goodbye to all of the dwarves and like, losing his words and oh my god I'm crying again at "Tea is at 4… and you never have to knock." I CAN'T
- You really got a sense that Bilbo had changed so much from the hobbit he was when he left Bag End to the way he was when he came back and everyone's gone off with his stuff and he just looks so exhausted and not in the mood for this small-town bullshit.
- The bookend ending with Gandalf's "and what about very old friends?" TEARS. TEARS FROM MY EYES.
- BILLY BOYD SINGING THAT GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL SONG!!! :'( :')
Cries an Anduin river's worth of tears and floats myself into the Bay of Belfalas and dies
ALL THE THOUGHTS I NEVER SHARED ABOUT THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG LAST YEAR
(I started writing this shortly before 3 a.m. on 12/29/13 because SUDDEN FEELINGS ABOUT DOS.)
I imagine one of the chief complaints about The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug centered around the numerous additions to what was originally a very simple story. Characters of Tolkien’s creation appear where they did not originally, one character in particular was completely made up, and we discover that several characters’ backstories are expanded upon or tweaked to fit the story the filmmakers wanted to tell. For some hardcore Tolkien fans, I suspect this was a difficult pill to swallow.
As a hardcore Tolkien fan myself? I loved it.
The problem that I believe the filmmakers struggled with is largely the story world’s lack of depth. That’s not really Tolkien’s fault; it’s just a fact. The Hobbit was written between the tidbits written in the trenches during WWI that would later become The Silmarillion, and the sprawling tale told in The Lord of the Rings. Hell, the ring Bilbo finds in The Hobbit is just a simple magic ring; it didn't become the One Ring until the book was edited and reprinted after the release of The Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit was simply marketed as a story for children, recommended for publishing by the son of Tolkien’s publisher Stanley Unwin.
I found myself more irritated by the changes made to Peter Jackson’s LOTR films than I did the ones to the two Hobbit films thus far, probably because where Tolkien left so much to the imagination in The Hobbit, he developed to painstaking detail in The Lord of the Rings. And perhaps I’ve just grown to understand that what sounds amazing on paper falls flat in a visual medium like film. This is the primary problem with The Hobbit: on paper, much of it is Bilbo hemming and hawing about the situations he’s thrown into, and whining and moping that he isn’t in his lovely hobbit hole enjoying the comforts of home. His character development is an important facet of the story, but if the focus were entirely on him, it would be a pretty boring series of films. There are thirteen dwarves in the company that sets forth from Hobbiton for the Lonely Mountain, and yet the only ones who receive any sort of characterization whatsoever in the text are Thorin and Balin. (And Balin is a bit of a stretch; I only recall that Bilbo felt he was very kind where the others were indifferent, or in Thorin’s case, rather nasty.) If the film progressed like the book, with no real introspection into the dwarves and their motivations, it’d be so dull! And there’s so much going on in the background (Gandalf’s disappearances, the activities of the White Council, political upheaval in Esgaroth) that would simply raise too many questions if left out of a film representation of the book.
Converting a text into a visual medium often brings to light flaws in the main plot. This is why scenes familiar to readers end up scrapped or altered. I wasn’t surprised that the scene with Beorn was considerably trimmed down from its length in the book. Can you imagine how long it would have taken to get all of those dwarves into Beorn’s house in groups of twos and threes? That scene is brilliant in the book, because of its subtle humor and the way it shows what a wily trickster Gandalf can be when he wants to, but in the film I imagine it would have the same effect on me that a bad SNL sketch would: “Dear god, is it over yet?”
Likewise, much needs to be added to bulk up the characterization of film characters. You’re telling one long story over three films; you need to make us give a damn about these characters, particularly because the film isn’t entirely from Bilbo’s perspective the way the book is. The dwarves again, for example: I can tell each and every one of those dwarves apart, not just because of their appearances (and what a great job the costume and art design departments did with individualizing their hair, weapons, and wardrobe), but because of their behavior. I can watch the scene where Dwalin threatens to rip off Bard’s son’s arms and think, “Yeah, that sounds like Dwalin.” Balin’s wise and kindly, a bit like the dwarven substitute for Gandalf. Kili is young, bawdy, and romantic; his brother Fili headstrong and a little cocky, and clearly devoted to his uncle. There’s Oin the healer, and Gloin the family man who’s perhaps a touch more miserly than the others. Bofur is tactless but honest and good-hearted; Bifur’s got an axe embedded in his head and lacks the ability to speak anything other than Khuzdul. Bombur might be the film’s resident comic relief figure, what with his eating anything and everything he comes into contact with, but he’s a force to be reckoned with when you stick an axe in his hands. Ori’s young and skittish on his first adventure with his brothers, a bit reminiscent of Bilbo; Dori, with his robes and tiny glasses of wine, seems perhaps the most well-mannered of the dwarves; and brother Nori is a bit of a thief who seems to have a knack for seeking out treasure (or keyholes) within the rocks.
And Thorin… Thorin reminds me a bit of Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings, but much less passive. Where Aragorn eschewed the role he was born to claim, Thorin has suffered for decades, scraping by in hopes of someday reclaiming his throne and giving meaning to the title King Under the Mountain. He is full of anger, mistrust, and fear, and I think his fear is what makes him so interesting. It’s the same fear of failing Aragorn faced: “You are Isildur’s heir, not Isildur himself,” Arwen told him before the tapestry depicting the fall of Sauron in The Fellowship of the Ring. The same concern lies heavily upon Thorin, it seems; will he be driven to madness by greed, like his grandfather, or will he take up the mantle of King as more than his birthright, but as an opportunity to repair the frayed relationships between the dwarves and the elves and men of the region? Readers of the book obviously know how this plays out, but it’s interesting to consider how the Thorin of the films would face this internal struggle. Richard Armitage does a phenomenal job playing him; it’s too bad most film awards don’t typically recognize acting in genre films as legitimate performances worthy of acclaim.
The relationship between Thorin and Bilbo is slightly different from the book as well. Thorin still maintains a begrudging acceptance of Bilbo’s presence in his company, although he’s proven his worth time and time over. But in the film, it’s a little clearer that he appreciates Bilbo’s work with the company. So I’m curious to see how the scene in which Bilbo sells the Arkenstone to Bard and Thranduil to use as a bargaining chip with Thorin in an exchange for peace plays out. In the book, it felt like less of a betrayal and more of a trick because Bilbo was fed up with Thorin’s stubbornness; the emotional depth wasn’t really there. In the film, I’m predicting it’s going to be viewed by Thorin as an arch betrayal, while Bilbo sees it as trying to find a way to save Thorin from himself and from his family’s history of greed and madness. The scene in The Desolation of Smaug where Smaug talks to Bilbo about what Thorin thinks of him, playing mind games with him, trying to cast doubt about Thorin’s intentions regarding Bilbo… it was brilliant, and I think it really set up a lot of the endgame for Battle of the Five Armies.
With the release of The Desolation of Smaug, we’re introduced to a few characters new to the screen adaptation of the book, most notably Thranduil, Bard, and Tauriel (a character created just for the film by writers Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens). I remember balking at Arwen’s beefed-up presence in the films when The Lord of the Rings was released (particularly the rumors of a deleted sequence wherein she shows up at Helm’s Deep, because it was so ridiculously out of character, and also because I felt her role was inflated to the detriment of Éowyn’s in the second and third films), but ever since I’d heard Evangeline Lilly had been cast in the role of Tauriel, I was excited to see what she’d bring to the story. And I loved it. Where Arwen’s increased presence felt out of place and not particularly vital to the story, I thought Tauriel’s role as captain of the guard was fascinating. First, because The Hobbit has exactly zero female characters, and as a woman who loves so many things about Tolkien’s legendarium, this pains me. It’s not that I necessarily feel that I can’t relate to any male characters in the series at all purely because of their maleness; it’s just that it seems so nonsensical that not a single female character does anything of any importance in the entire book. Except Galadriel, maybe, but the White Council clearing the Necromancer out of Dol Guldur isn’t described within the book’s narrative. Second, I liked the fact that she described herself as “a lowly Silvan elf.” She’s average, as far as elves go. I think she’s the first elf we’ve met who isn’t possessed of any power, political, magical, or otherwise. The wood elves are different from the high elves, as the dwarves are told before entering Mirkwood; less wise, and more dangerous. I certainly think that’s true of Tauriel, and even of Legolas, who is descended from high elves (if I recall correctly). The way they show up in the woods after the dwarves and Bilbo escape from the spiders makes it hard to ascertain straight away whether these are good or bad characters we’re running into (from the perspective of the dwarves, particularly). And the elf vs. dwarf antagonism was very well done; I know everyone in my theatre enjoyed the irony of Legolas’s jab toward Gloin’s “goblin mutant” son, who would later become his best friend.
Moving on to the other elves - I really enjoyed Lee Pace’s portrayal of Thranduil, the elven-king of Mirkwood. Pace gave an air of vanity and self-importance to the character which really set him apart from other elves of power like Elrond and Galadriel, who are more selfless and concerned with the fate of the world than Thranduil is, isolated in his woodland kingdom. He seems kind of bitter, having withdrawn from the world the way he has, like he's seen too much evil and he just doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. He just wants the treasure Smaug stole and then he's happy to fuck off back to Mirkwood like nothing ever happened. It's easy to see why he and Legolas would butt heads. (It's also easy to see how much Legolas grows up by the end of LOTR. With a father like that, no wonder he's mistrustful of dwarves.)
I liked how the filmmakers improved the role of Bard in the movies, since he's really not that big of a figure except for the fact that he kills the dragon. But of course, in films you have to really punch people in the face with the important bits, so it makes sense they'd inflate his role a bit. No problems with that - Luke Evans is a fantastic actor, his rapport with the kids who play his children is great, and the struggle of him being a halfway decent person in a town run by total bastards was interesting to watch. I liked the common man version of Bard, shamed by his peers for his forebear's inability to kill the dragon when Girion was lord of Dale. Reminded me a bit of Aragorn, the whole "unwilling noble leader" archetype.
And of course, Smaug the Terrible/Tremendous/Magnificent/any number of Bilbo's adjectives for him - really worth the wait. I loved how much the writers pulled from the book for his dialogue with Bilbo, because it's just so clever and sneaky and I always loved "Inside Information" in the book. Even better was the hints at Thorin growing madder and madder, just like his grandfather, and when he interrogates Bilbo about the Arkenstone… jesus. Great acting all around.
Having seen all three films, Desolation of Smaug is categorically MY FAVORITE, and probably my favorite among all of Peter Jackson's Tolkien legendarium films. Can't wait to get my extended edition Blu-Ray. :D
MY THOUGHTS ON THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
- Bard's relationship with his kids was so heartwarming. Jesus. When Sigrid and Tilda screamed and ran for him when they made it to shore I was SO!!!!! I DON'T HAVE WORDS
- I can’t help it. I am such a sucker for the Kili/Tauriel romance subplot. I CAN’T HELP IT. When he gave her the stone I was just like
- Dragon madness Thorin was so perfect and awful and when Dwalin was crying with horror I was so!!! MOVED!!! Thorin's suspicion that one of his kinsmen had stolen the Arkenstone and Bilbo being all shifty and shit and Thorin's all "you're my only true friend" and Bilbo's all "um, about that" oh my god YES Thorin was so unchill it was great
- Thorin trying to throw Bilbo over the ramparts and everyone's like "U NEED TO STOP" and Fili and Kili being all "I WILL FIGHT YOU"
- Martin Freeman was really, really good in this film. I've been kind of here and there on his performance as Bilbo but he really killed it in this one. His real talk moments with literally everyone… god bless Bilbo Baggins. What was it he said to Gandalf… "I wasn't asking for your permission" or whatever before he put on the Ring and zipped off to Ravenhill?
- BADASS BITCH QUEEN GALADRIEL GOING ALL GIRL-FROM-THE-RING ON THE NECROMANCER'S ASS LIKE W/E although what is that whole unresolved sexual tension thing with Gandalf???
- Getting to see Elrond fight like a motherfucker was the best thing ever oh my god his twirly cloak and his sword just beating the hell out of those Nazgul. Yes. YES. Same for Saruman even though it was definitely a stunt double because Christopher Lee is like 95 years old, jesus.
- The ghost Nazgul were creepy as fuck, incidentally!!!
- Lee Pace has the best facial expressions/side eye/slinky body movements as Thranduil. Seriously. I didn't know whether to slap him or jump him.
- Orlando Bloom is so terrible but I LOVE HIM???? He brings out my stupid inner 13-year-old, the one who used to lurk on in-bloom.net and whose question "What is a Legolas?" got me into this whole Tolkien mess in the first place.
- I used to be a jerk about Evangeline Lilly because she drove me nuts on Lost and then she dated Dominic Monaghan but now that I know he's a tool and she is a huge Tolkien fan and an adorable nerd and SO GREAT as Tauriel I just fucking love her and I'm so glad they added her into the films.
- The battle scenes were fucking great. Normally I'm like "oh great, another fight scene" but dude, literally all of the fight scenes had me on the edge of my seat/wincing/trying not to scream. I think I did scream a little bit in the final fight with Azog and Thorin, mostly when Azog wasn't dead yet and he stabbed Thorin in the foot through the ice block. (But Azog popping through the ice was kind of predictable because every action movie has that it-seems-like-he's-dead-but-WAIT moment, and also because Thorin wasn't dead yet and presumably he was going to die by Azog's hand.)
- All of the armor was so fucking cool! I always love how the folks at Weta Workshop differentiate the various cultures through their armor and weaponry. The battle formation for the dwarves of the Iron Hills was so neat, and the way the elves moved through their formations so elegantly was just… UGH I LOVE THAT KIND OF SHIT SO MUCH.
- I wish there had been more Bard because Bard is great and Luke Evans is a hottie. :(
- Dain was funny as fuck. Something about dwarves with really thick accents cracks me the hell up. Also, HE RIDES A FUCKING PIG. BLESS.
- THE DEATH SCENES. I FUCKIN' CRIED MYSELF INTO HYSTERICS. First, they have to kill Fili in front of Thorin and Dwalin and Bilbo. FUCK. Then his dead body falls onto the ground right in front of Kili. NO. Then Kili gets impaled through the heart trying to defend Tauriel and avenge his brother, presumably. FUCK. And then Thorin fucking gives up and lets Azog plunge his sword-arm into his heart. NO. NO. NO. He gets the last laugh and all, but I forgot how much the scene with Bilbo was gonna destroy me. When Bilbo starts panicking and saying "no, no, no" I was this fucking close to full-out bawling in the theatre. I steamed up my glasses and I couldn't breathe, I was literally the shaking-and-crying meme come to life for like 45 minutes. It was horrible. Fili and Kili were my favorite dwarves in the book for some reason (I say that because the dwarves don't have much personality in the book so I don't really know why I felt so attached to them) but the pain of losing them onscreen was worse than pretty much every single character death in The Lord of the Rings combined. Maybe it's because I'm older and seeing people lose loved ones hurts more when you can understand it and you have a sense of your own mortality.
- I also cried when Thorin pulled his head out of his ass and threw down the crown and did the gentle head-bump with Kili before they all went out to battle. I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE LINE OF DURIN.
- WTF was that random bit about Legolas' mom dying in Angmar and Thranduil being all "your mother really loved you"?? THIS MOVIE IS NOT ABOUT LEGOLAS K BYE
- Why is Dain pronounced like "dayne" and Dunédain pronounced like "dune-eh-dine"??? I need to consult my Languages of Middle-Earth book on this matter.
- Everyone was laughing when Thranduil told Legolas to go find Aragorn and the Dunédain but I was still torn up over losing all my favorite dwarves so I was really agitated and I started to cry again lmfao. I also have serious feelings over Legolas' loyalty to Aragorn so in my hyper-emotional state I was just like "CAN YOU ALL STOP GIGGLING THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!" :'(
- People also laughed when Gandalf was trying to light his pipe after everyone dies and I was like "THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR A SCENE LIKE THIS UGH"
- Tauriel kneeling over Kili's dead body. :( :( :( Putting the stone back in his hand. :'( :'( :'( Telling Thranduil "If this is love, I don't want it, take it away. Why does it hurt so much?" in such an anguished way… GOODBYE, UNIVERSE.
- Bilbo saying goodbye to all of the dwarves and like, losing his words and oh my god I'm crying again at "Tea is at 4… and you never have to knock." I CAN'T
- You really got a sense that Bilbo had changed so much from the hobbit he was when he left Bag End to the way he was when he came back and everyone's gone off with his stuff and he just looks so exhausted and not in the mood for this small-town bullshit.
- The bookend ending with Gandalf's "and what about very old friends?" TEARS. TEARS FROM MY EYES.
- BILLY BOYD SINGING THAT GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL SONG!!! :'( :')
Cries an Anduin river's worth of tears and floats myself into the Bay of Belfalas and dies