"oh my god i look pathetic tonight"
alright, just let me have this and i'll not speak of this for awhile...
ive been reading alot of Allen Ginsberg today. and ive been...so tired. however, i just woke up from a nap and its, lets see, 3:02am. and in my dreams lately, there has been a feeling of entrapment.
i still wish you the harsh violence of my metaphors
that you may writhe and suffer under my microscope of analyzation. supposedly.
that the power will be switched over to me
actually, i did have the last word...but i still feel like i am the weaker
ive been haunted lately that this is only a climactic pause
but i know if i let it not be a severing i would be entering the same dangerous waters that are so hard to get out of
plus i cant even imagine the circumstances where i would even contact you ever again. although i do miss your mother quite alot. i thought about calling her when i knew you were working.
ive always been one to quit bad habits cold turkey. all or nothing.
as soon as the worst came, i ripped down all your pictures. my favorite one with us in the photobooth when you kissed my cheek with your eyes closed. you gave me one of your favorite scarves telling me it would look better on me. i wanted to destroy it. but its just on my floor now i think after i untied it from my bedpost. i think its under my shoes.
god this all sounds so 'teen-aged break up' its fucking revolting.
you always wanted to know what was on my mind. and i would always describe a feeling, and you when asked the same question would always describe an action. didnt really surpise me. i think im supposed to forget this. but ive been forcing myself into thinking about our best times. THE moments. where there was no doubt. the times before you would change your mind. i keep hoping you will try to get to me so i can refuse you. that you will try to save whatever it is we have and not let me run away. why wouldnt you? where you would grab both my swinging fists and kiss my tear-soaked lips.
ive been reading alot of Allen Ginsberg today. and ive been...so tired. however, i just woke up from a nap and its, lets see, 3:02am. and in my dreams lately, there has been a feeling of entrapment.
i still wish you the harsh violence of my metaphors
that you may writhe and suffer under my microscope of analyzation. supposedly.
that the power will be switched over to me
actually, i did have the last word...but i still feel like i am the weaker
ive been haunted lately that this is only a climactic pause
but i know if i let it not be a severing i would be entering the same dangerous waters that are so hard to get out of
plus i cant even imagine the circumstances where i would even contact you ever again. although i do miss your mother quite alot. i thought about calling her when i knew you were working.
ive always been one to quit bad habits cold turkey. all or nothing.
as soon as the worst came, i ripped down all your pictures. my favorite one with us in the photobooth when you kissed my cheek with your eyes closed. you gave me one of your favorite scarves telling me it would look better on me. i wanted to destroy it. but its just on my floor now i think after i untied it from my bedpost. i think its under my shoes.
god this all sounds so 'teen-aged break up' its fucking revolting.
you always wanted to know what was on my mind. and i would always describe a feeling, and you when asked the same question would always describe an action. didnt really surpise me. i think im supposed to forget this. but ive been forcing myself into thinking about our best times. THE moments. where there was no doubt. the times before you would change your mind. i keep hoping you will try to get to me so i can refuse you. that you will try to save whatever it is we have and not let me run away. why wouldnt you? where you would grab both my swinging fists and kiss my tear-soaked lips.