today has been aawwweee
so, i don't think today (so far) could have gotten anymore ironic/sad/happy/sunny/depressing/unpredictable.
first, was it necessary for my dad to wake me up with a lecture about getting my life together? definatly not.
anyway, i wake up late for school, but somehow manage to get there on time and find a good parking spot. yay for icey hills. i only had one class today, biology. how fun.
why class was akward:
#1) as soon as i walk in, who do i see? *his* best friend. ok ok, just ignore. at break he talked to me a little bit. i guess it was nice that we could get along, kind of. i'll keep myself away.
#2) the boy that sits across from me went to my high school, and doesn't remember me. i'm completely fine with that. BUT he looks identical to my exboyfriend. he is becoming increasingly more unattractive. it actually kind of bothered me. i didn't like looking at him.
#3) this is the big one. the one thing that kept getting my attention all class long. the only thing keeping me paying attention to the teacher ..... was her..... bandaged wrist. and how she kept making sure the tape was stuck, and rubbing it. how when break ended, there was more tape on it. no one will have any idea how much i've thought about cutting wrists. not in the sense that i want to cut mine or anything, sometimes i get curious. is it to truly release pain, or an attempt at an escape? is it completely ironic that in my lowest, most depressed times, i have a teacher who may or may not be depressed too? suicidal? i mean, yeah, the bandage could be anything at all. a burn. a removed mole for heavens sake. but i still wonder.
leaving class, i glanced around for him. we had class in the same building, and it ended at the same time. i didn't glance hard. i thought "maybe i'll see his car in the parking lot". i did. right next to mine. was there a note left for me? no. it was really hard not leaving one for him. last term, i'd always draw a flower on a piece of paper and leave it on his windshield. it was really quite difficult just driving away.
i think the Garden State soundtrack is changing my life. it has been a week since i bought the dvd, and i still haven't watched it yet. i just can't bring myself too. i have absolutely no desire. i saved it for a reason.
tomorrow is my big day.
my arm really hurts.
first, was it necessary for my dad to wake me up with a lecture about getting my life together? definatly not.
anyway, i wake up late for school, but somehow manage to get there on time and find a good parking spot. yay for icey hills. i only had one class today, biology. how fun.
why class was akward:
#1) as soon as i walk in, who do i see? *his* best friend. ok ok, just ignore. at break he talked to me a little bit. i guess it was nice that we could get along, kind of. i'll keep myself away.
#2) the boy that sits across from me went to my high school, and doesn't remember me. i'm completely fine with that. BUT he looks identical to my exboyfriend. he is becoming increasingly more unattractive. it actually kind of bothered me. i didn't like looking at him.
#3) this is the big one. the one thing that kept getting my attention all class long. the only thing keeping me paying attention to the teacher ..... was her..... bandaged wrist. and how she kept making sure the tape was stuck, and rubbing it. how when break ended, there was more tape on it. no one will have any idea how much i've thought about cutting wrists. not in the sense that i want to cut mine or anything, sometimes i get curious. is it to truly release pain, or an attempt at an escape? is it completely ironic that in my lowest, most depressed times, i have a teacher who may or may not be depressed too? suicidal? i mean, yeah, the bandage could be anything at all. a burn. a removed mole for heavens sake. but i still wonder.
leaving class, i glanced around for him. we had class in the same building, and it ended at the same time. i didn't glance hard. i thought "maybe i'll see his car in the parking lot". i did. right next to mine. was there a note left for me? no. it was really hard not leaving one for him. last term, i'd always draw a flower on a piece of paper and leave it on his windshield. it was really quite difficult just driving away.
i think the Garden State soundtrack is changing my life. it has been a week since i bought the dvd, and i still haven't watched it yet. i just can't bring myself too. i have absolutely no desire. i saved it for a reason.
tomorrow is my big day.
my arm really hurts.