Please pray for me..
To all on my friends list and not ... I need your prayers. I am sorry that I have disappeared from this journal for so long. I had a few months when I first got saved and baptised when my life was beautiful. I was happy, confident, and loved life. Then for whatever reason my eating disorder went into full force and robbed me of my health, livelihood, and joy. Now it has been months later and I still don't have that joy that I once had. Since my disappearance, I have been in the er twice for dehydration, inpatient once, and in a day program at the hospital for eating disorders three times. While in the er I was on IV's both times being rehydrated. I almost lost my son due to being too sick to care for him. All of August he spent in foster care while I was getting treatment. Then in November when I went back into hospital program he went into a strange daycare which was really hard on him. Now my therapist and I both agree that at this point I would benefit from residential but if I have to go away I will be gone from my son for two months as the residential program is eight weeks long. They said they could work with visitations but that isn't the same as having him home with me. I have seen some improvement but not enough.. the eating disorder is still there. I want it to go away. I want to be the strong confident person I once was. I want to be able to share the joy I have in the Lord with others. I want to have my relationship with God restored to what it used to be. One reason I haven't been able to update with devotionals and other things is that when the eating disorder took over my life it also disrupted that close connection I had with God. I know He is there for me, I know He loves me, and I know I am His child - but apart from that I feel so far away from Him. It has been way too long feeling estranged from Him and I know the culprit is this eating disorder. Please pray that I find deliverance somehow from this so I can go on with my life and be who God wants me to be. As long as this thing seeks to destroy me and take everything I hold dear away it will interfere with my relationship with God and make it difficult if not impossible to tell others about Him like I want to do. I need your help and the way you can give it is through prayer. I believe in prayer and I should have asked you a long time ago. Things have gotten way out of hand. I have a journal just for my ed thoughts, one for general and parenting, but this one has been abandoned. I wish I could have things back the way they once were. In fact I know that has to be a possibility. I am still His child even if I feel so far away from Him right now .. please pray that the closeness I had with God, the joy I had in Him, and the healing I need from this eating disorder be restored. I want to be used by Him and as long as this thing seeks to destroy me and cause me so much heartache it gets in the way of this. I thank you in advance for your continued support and prayers. Hopefully sooner than later I can get this ministry back up the way I would like to. May God bless you always.