are you being loved the way you deserve?
alright so basically. heres what happened. i didnt think alex was treating me the way he should be. on thursday night we talked. i suggested a break. he considered it and agreed. i went home and sobbed. i realized it was a stupid idea. he told me he needed more time.
on top of that i had horrible sleep thursday night. woke up sick as hell and have felt like shit ever since. made myself physically ill saturday morning because of the alex situation. there's also family shit. and all my other close friends and the shit they're going through and my empathy.
i walked around friday completely dead. my eyes were sleepy and squinty from falling asleep after crying. i was almost numb inside except for the horrible feeling of missing someone.
and i've just been blocking it out. but it sucks. and i'm still sick and it's entirely my fault because i refuse to come home early or go to sleep early or try to get better.
and my brain has been repeatedly beaten with the talk of colleges this weekend. and work was so mind-numbing. five hours of NOTHING except for reading newspapers, all of which were laced with stories about 9/11 so i had to stop. car washes and rain don't mix.
there is a good thing though - and that's that i have an awesome idea for our next ap studio art project. and i love it. and have sort of confidence in it. i feel so inadequate in that class. i can't handle it. i have horrible anxiety during that period. i feel so vulnerable and it sucks.
well that's enough. there's nothing left for me to do but sleep. finally.