The Thin Line (36/40)

[hope_and_heart]

Title: The Thin Line (36/40)
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Martin Kelly
Rating: R
warning: Mentions of sensitive themes and subjects and mentions of drug use, needles, blood, etc.
Summary: Far from over.
Disclaimer: Not real.


He didn’t want to be by himself anymore. He hated the cold, blank sterile walls that were staring back at him. He hated the smell that clung to his nostrils, a mixture of bleach and something inherently sanitary. He hated the feel of the sheets beneath him and the sound of a beeping machine he could hear tied up to a man two beds down from him in this small room they had shoved him in. He hated hospitals. He hated them because they were filled with sick people, dying people and people that looked at you with such a fake soft expression when really they didn’t give a damn. Especially when you get wheeled in to A&E with a caution on your notes that read; possible exposure.

Martin swallowed thickly and turned his eyes down to his lap, ignoring the needle stuck beneath his skin, pumping fluids back into his system. Instead he turned his palm over, tracing the lines that were etched across his skin, raking over the graze on the heel of his hand and in his mind he imagined he could see the place where the needle had pierced his skin right as he’d put his hand down. At least that hadn’t been as bad as yanking one out of his arm.

He felt bile churn threateningly in his stomach and he had to breath deeply through gritted teeth to stop the insistent urge to throw up from manifesting. He was exhausted and he just wanted to go home. But they wouldn’t let him do that yet.

He breathed out a shaky exhale and leant his head back against the pillows that were resting beneath his head and pressed his eyes closed. They felt heavy and dry and the way his brain pounded made it feel as though he’d been crying for hours. He hadn’t shed a single tear yet and perhaps he was surprised by that.

In his mind he saw the whole thing again, the cold confused look in Nick’s eyes, the panic that gripped him, the fall, the glass, the blood, the needles, the way Nick had just stopped.

And then there was Jack and his barely comprehending stare and the rasping sound of his voice when he had finally had the presence of mind to phone an ambulance.

Martin didn’t remember much after that. Not in sequence anyway. It felt like the slides of an old fashion movie, some frames had no sound, some had too much sound and some frames were missing altogether. He remembered not being able to breathe and thinking he was going to die, he remembered the pure unrelenting panic and the way it had seized every single fibre of his being. He vaguely remembered the woman with the soft face and the oxygen mask and he remembered thinking he’d never been in an ambulance before. He vaguely remembered telling them he’d been stuck with a few needles and that yes, they’d pierced the skin and yes they had been used before, no not by him. He remembered refusing steadfastly when they offered to phone his parents and in the panic and the pain and complete disorientation he remembered asking for Daniel again and again like a child crying out for comfort after a nightmare. He couldn’t remember if Nick had been awake in the ambulance or not. He couldn’t remember a single thing the paramedics had said to him.

He didn’t remember what had happened when they got to the hospital and he didn’t remember them taking Nick away but they must have because he was by himself now and just as scared as he had been at Jack’s house.

They had said he had suffered a class ii haemorrhage. He didn’t know what that meant exactly but he did know he’d lost a lot of blood. When he’d fallen the doctor told him the metal frame of the coffee table must have snapped in half and stabbed him in the leg. Martin hadn’t remembered feeling that but he certainly felt it once he saw it.

As soon as they ripped his trousers from round him and he could physically see what was causing the pain he’d panicked and then a different woman was pressing a different oxygen mask to his face and injecting him with something he’d specifically remembered trying to refuse. They got the bleeding under controled and then they’d cleaned it up and jabbed around and prodded him until they finally stitched it up and wrapped a thick bandage around his leg.

It was the main reason for his blood loss. The doctor told him he was lucky because it missed his main artery by inches. Lucky. He was lucky for getting stabbed just short of life threatening by a rank old piece of metal.

The pain medication had kicked in then and he remembered feeling fuzzy and lightheaded and he was drifting in and out of awareness as they stitched up a gash across his ribs and wrapped his torso in bandages.

He distinctly remembered the blonde haired nurse who came to tell him they couldn’t get hold of Daniel. His phone was switched off and they’d left a message and when they’d asked if there was anyone else they could phone for him there was only ever going to be one name he’d give.

At least he was on his way.

It was his arm that hurt the most. As soon as they’d arrived they’d put him in a splint and Martin had nearly gagged when they started plucking the glass out of his mangled arm. It was bloody and the cuts and slashes created a criss-cross mismatched chaotic pattern across his arm. Only three of them had needed stitches but they’d used glue instead because the excess fluid in his arm made them think he had a break. After that they’d wheeled him out to the ward and told him to sit tight whilst they waited to take him down for an X-ray.

Martin thought they would go about things with a little more urgency considering how much fucking pain he was in but no. It was a joke. He felt like he’d been waiting for hours and all they had to do was wheel him in and take a photograph of his arm. The longer they took, the longer he’d have to stay there and he was getting more and more restless by the second.

And that’s where he was now, with his right arm in a splint, his face marred with cat like scratches and his entire body crying out for sleep. But he couldn’t sleep, he was too freaked out to sleep, too worried and in too much pain.

No one would tell him what had happened to Nick. They wouldn’t tell him because they thought he’d been attacked and every nurse or doctor that he asked gave him the same reply.

“I’m sure he’s doing fine, you just concentrate on yourself and if there is any news on your friend I’ll tell you,”

Fucking liars. They just didn’t want to tell him because he had to admit it did look bad. He was sixteen, bloody and broken and having a panic attack in a crack den in his school uniform whilst a self confessed junkie OD’d on the floor. His age protected him and made Nick the villain but Martin had seen the fear in his eyes and he’d seen the confusion and he hadn’t meant to push him so hard. It wasn’t Nick’s fault he fell.

Martin didn’t blame Nick. He didn’t blame anyone. It had just happened. Nick was a junkie and he had OD’d and Martin may well have been sixteen but he felt so much older than that and a million miles away from the innocent they’d label him.

Martin sighed and clenched his good hand into a fist on the surface of the bed as he bit his lip, trying to stem the effervescent stab of fear he could feel rising ominously in his chest. He was terrified. He was afraid that Nick would die, he was afraid of explaining it all to his parents, he was afraid the doctors would know he had drugs in his system and he was afraid of Dan’s reaction but most of all he was afraid of those needles that had been under his skin.

He didn’t know who’d used them. He didn’t know where they’d been or for how long and he’d had to yank one out of his arm. He knew what that word meant. Exposure. He knew what risk they were talking about when they wrote it on his notes and hung it from the end of the bed in the neat little clipboard holder.

Risk of exposure. Risk. Of. Exposure.

It was all he could think about. He knew he was probably being dramatic, that the chances were slim but it was the fact there was still a chance, no matter how small or unlikely it may be. He could barely bring himself to think it let alone ask one of his many questions to the doctors around him. He was crippled with fear. One stupid accident, three little letters and the world could come crashing down around him. Crack den, needle sharing, a splatter of Nick’s blood, HIV.

He’d been the one to kick up a fuss about it. When he closed his eyes Martin could remember it almost clearly. The paramedics had been putting him into the ambulance and he’d been panicking already and the words had burst from him. He didn’t know if Nick was positive or if Jack was but he was being paranoid about it nonetheless. They’d said someone would speak to him about it. No one had come to say anything to him yet. No one had said anything at all.

When the door at the end of the corridor flew open with an audible whistle Martin turned his head, thinking perhaps that finally this was it and they were coming to take him for his X-ray. He was wrong.

He stood framed at the end of the corridor for one seemingly long moment before he was closing the space between them and standing at the foot of his bed.

Martin had never seen Skrtel’s face so pale. He’d never seen his eyes so dark or wide and the absolute worry on his face was quite possibly the most sincere expression he’d ever seen on him. To see as such on the face of a man so entirely unshakable made Martin feel ten times worse. He must look awful.

He didn’t know what to say. He just shook his head and hoped that was enough. Skrtel pressed his mouth into a tight line and his eyes got rounder but he didn’t say a word either.

Martin watched him come around the bed, felt the mattress dip as Skrtel sat down beside him and then he was carefully wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his head.

“Say something Kels,” He whispered, not letting him go or leaning back to look as he said it.

Martin blinked as his nose and eyes stung with the press of tears he hadn’t been able to cry yet and he lifted his good arm to return his embrace. He pressed his eyes closed, burying his face in the crook of Skrtel’s neck and inhaled the scent of him. It was incredible; how flimsy the concept of safety was. Absolutely nothing had changed about his circumstances in the moments of Skrtel’s arrival and yet somehow with his arms around him, stroking a soothing pattern against his back he felt infinitely safer and far more secure than he had done just seconds ago.

“I don’t know what to say,” he breathed

The door swung open again before Skrtel could reply and both of them turned to look as a very harassed looking nurse came into view.

Skrtel clucked his tongue and even with his face half buried in the skin of Skrtel’s neck he could tell he was rolling his eyes.

“What now?” Skrtel asked and his voice was nowhere near as soft as it had moments ago been. Vaguely, Martin wondered what on earth Skrtel could have possibly done whilst he was out on the main ward at the nurse’s station to rile the petite blond so badly.

The woman glared and jutted her chin defiantly as she glanced at the two of them “is everything alright in here?” she asked and her question was aimed at Martin.

“Yeah,” he nodded “S’fine,” he said unconsciously tightening the arm he had around Skrtel’s neck. If they made him leave because he’d done something stupid Martin thought he’d definitely start crying.

“Any problems and just press your button,” she said as she span on her heel and walked away.

Skrtel glared at her as she left and only when the door was shut again did he return his eyes to Martin. This time he raised his palms to frame his face and surveyed his features for one long moment.

“What happened to you?” he asked

Martin shrugged his one shoulder and shook his head “I fell,” he said lamely

Skrtel let out a derisive snort and flashed him a small disbelieving smile. Despite absolutely everything Martin felt his lips twitch upwards to mirror him. It only lasted a moment and then it wilted on his face faster than he could blink and he was biting his lip.

He inhaled deeply and managed to recount everything that had led up to him being in that moment. Skrtel didn’t offer any comments, he let him speak, let him mumble and sigh his way through the parts he could remember. As soon as Martin mentioned Nick’s name Skrtel inhaled and his face went hard and his eyes were dark and dangerous and Martin felt guilty for that look. He didn’t want Skrtel to blame Nick for this but one look at Skrtel’s face told Martin that hope was futile.

“I’ll kill him,” he said through gritted teeth as he shook his head and wiped his fingers over his mouth.

Martin tore his eyes away and stared down at the sheet covering his legs “you might not have to,” he said unfamiliar with the emotion that sank through him.

“Is he dead?” Skrtel asked and his voice was completely flat and devoid of emotion.

“They won’t tell me,” He shrugged

“what the fuck was he thinking,” Skrtel said “what the fuck were we thinking?”

“I’m fairly certain we weren’t,”

Skrtel shook his head and drew him back into a hug, careful not to jostle his arm or his stitches as he did so. Martin exhaled in a shaky whoosh as he pressed his eyes closed and let Skrtel stroke random patterns against the skin of his shoulders. He was so tired, he wanted to close his eyes and sleep and now that Skrtel was there he supposed he could do that. He was just contemplating taking a quick nap and letting the cool smooth chains of unconsciousness have him when Skrtel started talking. He peeled his eyes open, aware he’d missed the start of what he said.

“...because I am, you know,” he said quietly and it almost sounded like he was talking to himself “I am so sorry,” he said

Martin inhaled, felt the air all the way down to his lungs and sat back so that he could see his face “why are you sorry?”

Skrtel pressed his mouth into a tight line and swiped Martin’s hair back away from his face “take your pick Kels, any of this,” he shrugged

“You didn’t do anything,”

“You know as well as I do that I have, I can’t help it, I don’t even know why I do it but I do… but I never meant for you to get hurt,”

“Mart,” he said shaking his head “It’s okay,”

“No it isn’t, your fucking sixteen you shouldn’t have had to deal with any of this and I’m sorry Martin, I’m really fucking sorry,”

“It’s not your fault and I’m not a kid, Skrtel, I had as much to do with this as you did, I made just as many mistakes,”

“No, you didn’t, and me and Dan… we spent too long rehashing our petty fucking game and not enough time fucking sorting it out and that was never fair on you and that, that’s what I’m sorry for,”

Martin inhaled, pulling the air down into his lungs and tried to memorise the exact expression on Skrtel’s face as he looked at him.

He didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know if there was even anything he could say. Martin Skrtel was not a very apologetic person and hearing him say it now, after everything, was both a comfort and a slap to the face. He wanted him to be sorry for the countless, annoying, infuriating or downright meddling things he had done, but he was sad it had taken a trip to the hospital to wrangle one out of him.

Skrtel was his best friend, it was just a shame that he had such a complicated history with Daniel.

He wanted to say more, to open his mouth and tell Skrtel all the many things going through his head but before he could the door was swinging open again and a Doctor was coming toward them.

When the Doctor paused at the foot of his bed, Skrtel rose to his feet, crossing his arms over his chest and biting his thumb lightly as he fixed the doctor with an expectant stare. The doctor glanced over him and picked up the clipboard at the end of his bed, scanning it quickly.

“Hello, I’m Doctor Gabriel, has anyone been to speak to you yet?” he asked, flashing him a soft smile.

“No,” Martin said “I’m still waiting for an x-ray,”

“Okay, well I’m here to talk to you about the recommendations in your notes and then we’ll get that arm fixed shall we?”

Martin inhaled and his heart stopped beating for a whole second. He started to shake and he nodded his head dumbly. The Doctor asked him how he was feeling, if he had any questions. Martin just nodded and shook his head and gave him vague half answers. When the doctor flashed his eyes to Skrtel questioningly Martin already knew what he was going to say.

“Would your friend care to wait outside for a moment while we carry on?”

Skrtel bristled “why?”

Martin knew what was coming, he knew what the doctor was going to talk to him about now but he didn’t want Skrtel to go. He’d have to tell him eventually anyway.

“No,” he said quietly, staring down at the bed sheets as he did so “I want him to stay,”

The doctor nodded and breathed in a deep steadying breath before he continued.

“It says in your notes that a HIV test has been recommended?” he said quietly, solemnly, it was the voice of a man who told a lot of different people a lot of bad news. It only made Martin nervous.

Beside him Skrtel stiffened and Martin exhaled in a whoosh and pressed his eyes closed for a moment.

He told the Doctor what had happened and the doctor asked him all the questions Martin had expected he would. Martin’s stomach sank when the doctor finally got round to telling him about the test and he realised, with a grim sickening twist of the stomach that he was going to have to wait 25 days before he could be tested. A month near enough. Martin didn’t really understand why, something about antibody’s and being able to detect efficiently or something. It amounted to a whole month of nervous waiting. Through it all Skrtel stayed quiet, his arms folded over his chest, hovering near the side of the bed without offering a word. Martin supposed, for once, Skrtel just didn’t know what to say.

The Doctor told him that during htat time he should only have safe sex, including oral and that it was important for him not to panic. He said the chances of catching anything via a needle stick were very slim indeed. But that wasn’t the point. It didn’t matter how slim the odds were, the odds were still there and he hadn’t stepped on a rank old needle on a beach someplace. He’d had one sticking in his arm, in a crack den and god knows how recently it had been used. From what he’d seen of that house and of Nick and Jack he would have bet his life it was very fucking recently and that’s what frightened him. It didn't matter how fragile a virus it was, how it didn't survive for very long away from human contact; there was still a chance.

There had been two needles. One in his arm and one in his hand and then of course Nick had coughed his blood all over him and he was paranoid and afraid and no amount of kind words or placating smiles from the good doctor was going to change that.

The Doctor explained the way it was going to work a little bit more but Martin didn’t really hear him, he kept his eyes on the bed and waited until the Doctor mentioned X-rays to really start listening.

“I’ll be back in five minutes to take you straight in for an X-Ray,” he said

When he was gone Martin breathed out shakily. He felt tears in his eyes as the horrible daunting reality of his situation dawned on him. He didn’t know what to say to Skrtel, he didn’t know what to say about anything.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine Martin,” Skrtel said sitting back down on the edge of the bed but his face was grave, he was pale and his eyes were wide.

“I’m scared Skrtel,”

Skrtel frowned and it was the closest to tears he’d ever seen him as he drew him back in for a hug “don’t be scared, everything is going to be okay,”

“It might not be,”

“Either way, whatever happens it’s going to be okay, I’ll be here, you know that right?” he said, tipping Martin’s face back up and offering him a reassuring smile.

“Promise?” he pouted

Skrtel nodded “Yeah,”

It was then that the door swung open again and as good as his word Doctor Gabriel was back, wheeling a wheelchair toward him that made Martin grimace in distaste. He was only wearing a less than dignified hospital gown and his boxers and he was having a surprising flash of modesty as he threw the blankets off him.

Skrtel’s eyes went straight down to his legs and his gaze seemed to linger on the thick bandage around his thigh for a long moment. Martin gritted his teeth and shifted to try to slide himself off the bed. With only the use of one arm and with his side still in a lot of pain it made him hiss. As soon as that small noise was out of his mouth Skrtel was there, sliding an arm around his waist, mindful of the cuts and the bandages. He gripped his good hand firmly in his own and helped him to the wheelchair. Martin stared up at him with round, childlike eyes as the Doctor prattled on about something behind them,

“You will be here when I get back won’t you?” He asked quietly, uncertain of the answer.

“I’m not going anywhere Martin,” he said with small soft smile as the Doctor began to wheel him off down the corridor. Martin craned his head over his shoulder, watching as Skrtel stuck his hands in his pockets awkwardly and stared straight back at him until the doors were swinging shut behind him.

At the radiography department they wheeled him straight through, past a waiting room filled with people that all looked mildly displeased at having been bumped down the queue. He kept his eyes fixed on his lap, feeling discomfort clawing at his skin. He felt sick and his arm was seriously starting to hurt again as they took him in the room, explained what would happened and put a cool metal square beneath his arm and turned the lights off. The whir of the machine was loud as it scanned over his arm and Martin wondered just how bad it was.

They made him wait for five minutes in a small private curtained room that was far too bright and far too cold all at the same time. When they came back with his X-ray images they placed them on a bright white square and let Martin see what was going on. It was kind of disgusting and he grimaced as they pointed to the break in his bone, like it wasn’t startlingly obvious that the bone shouldn’t be like that. It was a clean break so they gave him an anaesthetic and set the bone again and wrapped it in a cast before tying it up in a sling across his chest. Then and only then did they wheel him back out onto the ward.

“How are you feeling?” Skrtel asked, perching himself on the edge of the bed and swiping Martin’s hair back from his face as he rested his head back against the pillows tiredly.

How was he feeling? He didn’t know.

“Tired,” he managed in a quiet voice.

“Go to sleep Martin,” Skrtel replied in a quiet voice.

Martin nodded and let his eyes flutter close. The cold, blank hospital ward faded from view and Skrtel’s sad, apologetic expression melted away and if Skrtel hadn’t leapt to his feet when the door at the end of the corridor audibly swung open, he wouldn’t have opened his eyes again.

It was Daniel.

He was panting and his cheeks were pink and his eyes were wide and he looked as though he’d run the entire way from the car park. When their eyes met across the stoic, impassive corridor Martin felt his heart beat in his chest; as though he’d never felt it there before. His entire body yearned toward him, he sat up, his eyes went wide and tears sprang, unbidden from that place deep inside of him where the fear and the pain and the pure panic of the last few hours had been buried.

Daniel’s whole face drained, as though someone had decided to get rid of Technicolor and his eyes went wide and his nostrils flared as he bit his lip to keep tears from springing forward. He clicked the door shut and took several hurried steps until he was at his side. Skrtel just seemed to melt away from them as Daniel sat himself on the edge of the bed, his hands going to his face, inspecting, stroking, just touching him and Martin felt his tears threaten to spill over.

He didn’t say a word, he just bit his lip and tried to turn his face away from Daniel’s probing green eyes because he knew he must look awful but Daniel wouldn’t let him. His gentle fingers were beneath his chin tipping his face up and forcing him to meet his gaze.

Martin had thought he’d seen all there was to see of Daniel. But he was wrong. The expression on his face was so open, so sad, so honest. He looked as uncomprehending as Martin felt but the sheer desperation in his eyes was hard to ignore and impossible to deny.

Martin pressed his eyes closed as Daniel’s fingers traced over the scratches on his face, tracing around the bruises that were no doubt going to blossom, over his eyes and his nose and his cheek bones until swiping his thumb gently over his lips.

Martin felt his heart lurch, felt the tears seep out from beneath his closed lids and he hated the sheer, overwhelming emotion that flooded him. But all the while, in the back of his head there was a small voice that said when Daniel knew what had happened he wouldn’t want to do that anymore, his touch would melt away and that heart wrenching expression of absolute sincerity on his face would wilt away too.

“Don’t cry baby,” Daniel whispered, swiping his fingers beneath his eyes to chase his tears away.

Martin tore his face away to bury his face in his hands as a sob he could not control wracked through him.

“What did you do?” he heard Daniel say and his voice was harsh and lashing and when Martin peered up from the safe confines of his hands his eyes went straight to Skrtel.

Skrtel’s brow was furrowed, his hands clenched into fists at his sides and his eyes were ringing with steel and anger.

“Because it must be something I did,” he said quietly, his voce hard and his face cold

Daniel frowned, scowling at him “wasn’t it?”

Skrtel shook his head “this was Nick,”

Daniel whipped is head around to look at Martin, his eyes wide, his face contorting in something that was almost agony. He shook his head and his mouth was parted around something he either could not or would not say.

“What happened?” he asked and his eyes were dark and devoid and Martin could practically see the wheels in his head turning.

Martin swallowed “it wasn’t his fault,” he said lamely

“What happened?” Daniel demanded and his voice was far sterner

“I fell,” he said pressing his mouth into a tight line

Daniel looked at him as though he were lying, as though he didn’t want to comprehend the truth.

“Nick OD’d and shoved him, Martin fell on glass,” Skrtel supplied for him

Daniel licked his lips nodding his head thoughtfully “and nick?” he asked staring down at the bed sheets

“Could die,” Skrtel shrugged

Daniel flinched and shook his head and when their eyes met again Martin was surprised by the lack of tears there.

“Why were you with him?” he asked instead

“He wanted to talk,” he shrugged swallowing over the sudden lump in his throat.

“But-“ Daniel inhaled deeply and then his fingers were circling around Martin’s and the force with which he held his hand told Martin louder than his words or his expression did just how hard Daniel was finding that moment “are you okay?”

“yeah… except…” he trailed off, inhaling deeply and feeling his lip trembled as he let go of Daniel’s fingers and swiped his shaking hand over his face.

“Except?” Daniel asked worriedly

He couldn’t tell him. He was too afraid, he physically couldn’t open his mouth around the words that he knew instinctively Daniel would recoil from. Instead he turned his eyes up to Skrtel, knew that Skrtel knew exactly what he was asking as their eyes met because Skrtel always knew. He shook his head.

“Please?” Martin said

Skrtel sighed, his face falling as he pressed his eyes closed.

“What?” Daniel asked, panic creeping into his tone as he looked from one to the other of them.

“Martin’s got to have a HIV test, the doctor thinks he’s fine but-“

“What?” Daniel interrupted with a gasp

“Danny-“ Martin said reaching for him as Daniel sprang to his feet. His face was ghostly pale, his eyes were the darkest Martin had ever seen and he didn’t even know how to begin to understand the inflection of emotion in his face.

“Why?” He asked shaking his head, his eyes wide and uncomprehending

Martin clenched his good hand into a fist and dragged a deep breath into his lungs “I fell on a few needles,” he said quietly

“Jesus,” he said swiping a hand over his face “this is all my fault,” he said pacing back and forward with his hand over his mouth. The room seemed to swell the more he paced, as though everything that had ever happened was cramming itself into that hospital room and was bearing down heavily against them all.

“This is our fault,” he said gesturing between himself and Skrtel

“I know that,” skrte lsaid calmly, nodding his head.

“Do you?” Daniel shrugged, his voice ringing with incredulity.

Skrtel glowered at him and Martin sighed when he realised what was going to happen now.

“Of course I fucking do, look at him, look at his face,” Skrtel hissed pointing at Martin who could do nothing but sit quietly in his bed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth “he should never have been caught in the cross fire, we should never have let our stupid mistakes come down on him like this,” his voice was hot, fierce even and he looked just as mad at Daniel as Daniel looked furious with Skrtel.

“You just couldn’t stop pushing could you?” Daniel said with a shake of his head, his entire frame shaking with his anger and the hurricane of emotion ripping through him “you couldn’t just keep your nose out of my business and leave him alone-“

“Fuck you, it had fucking nothing to do with you!” Skrtel interrupted, his voice loud and his face morphing with his anger.

“You expect me to believe that, you expect me to believe you didn’t know exactly what you were doing when you got involved with Martin?” Daniel’s laugh was bitter, his face disbelieving.

“Please stop it,” Martin whispered his eyes going wide and his mouth pressed into a thin line.

He didn’t want them to argue. He didn’t want them to rehash the same old shit all over again. He didn’t want to hear it. They’d all said enough didn’t they see that? At Daniel’s and then Nick’s… he’d just had enough and he was tired and he just wanted Daniel to hug him again. Neither of them heard him.

“Alright yeah maybe at first I was curious, he comes from nowhere the same time as you start getting all normal again, everything you said that night in the parlour, everything you did, I was just curious and then,” he shrugged “he’s just like you Danny, he doesn’t back down,” he said and despite himself Martin paid attention to his words.

Daniel snorted “And what you started to give a shit?”

“Before I slept with him I legitimately didn’t give a fuck if you were with him or not!” Skrtel hissed and Martin felt his cheeks blush as he dropped his gaze to the bed.

For a long moment there was silence. Nothing but their deep breathing and the beeping of a machine further down the ward. It was Daniel that broke the deadlock.

“You love him don’t you?” Dan said and Martin couldn’t quite place the emotion in Dan’s voice as he said it.

To Martin’s surprise, Skrtel didn’t immediately respond, he stared back at Daniel and his expression was almost willing Daniel to back down. But he didn’t; neither of them did. When the silence reached a fever pitch and the buzz of angry tension threatened to explode over them Skrtel exhaled and threw his hands up as he shrugged and shook his head. Martin had never seen Skrtel so… awkward before.

“We don’t all pigeon hole our feelings like you do Danny,” Skrtel said but his voice was quieter than it had been

“Do you even have feelings Skrtel?” Dan asked and his voice wasn’t the lashing spike it had been either. He sounded, if anything, saddened by that.

Skrtel bristled and exhaled shakily “not the right ones apparently,” he said staring back at Daniel with an intensity Martin couldn’t fathom. It felt very much like they were speaking without actually saying anything in that moment. It really was infuriating how they could say and understand so much with just a glance.

Dan sucked in an inhale and tore his gaze away. He stared down at the floor and Martin counted five deep breaths before he finally looked up again. His face was determined.

“For once can you just pretend that emotion doesn’t scare the crap out of you and just answer me?”

Dan looked afraid and Martin just didn’t understand where his fear was coming from. He couldn’t place it, didn’t understand what Daniel was thinking.

“Does it even matter?” Skrtel snapped throwing his hand out to gesture airily toward Martin “what the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Skrtel?” Dan sounded exasperated

“Danny?” Skrtel, by contrast, sounded patronising.

“Please?”

“Dan!”

“Skrtel just fucking-”

“Yes, okay, yes,” he hissed glaring hotly at Daniel as he said it.

Martin blinked in surprise and his mouth parted as he stared first at Skrtel and then at Daniel. Skrtel was seething, breathing unevenly as he glared at Daniel. But Daniel was grim faced and… sad?

“Okay,” Daniel said and Martin could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he fought to make that sentence make sense coming from the mouth of Martin Skrtel.

Skrtel clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes as he threw his hand up in exasperation “don’t fucking do that,” he snapped “don’t just brush it aside, you have your victory now Daniel, you have what you wanted to hear so well done, bravo,” he said and his words were again a lash of venom

Daniel shook his head “it’s not like that this time Skrtel,”

“Oh so you’re obsession with making me admit to shit, your all encompassing need to identify me as a fucking normal human being has fuck all to do with it?”

“No, it doesn’t... I just,” Daniel shrugged

Skrtel sighed “it’s not the same Daniel; it’s not how you love him, so stop trying to make it an epic declaration,”

Daniel snorted “Coming from you yes, it is,”

“I’m not in love with him,” He snapped and Martin again felt like he might as well not even be there “but yeah, I love him, why is that important for you to know?” he shrugged.

Martin bit his lip, feeling his cheeks get hot as those words stirred through him. He felt strangely better to know that. He felt, if anything, relieved that his faith in Skrtel wasn’t entirely based on nothing but his own assumptions. He did love Skrtel, he was his best friend but he would have been lying if he’d said, since Daniel’s return, he hadn’t worried once or twice that Skrtel was just playing with him.

Daniel exhaled in a whoosh and tipped his head back, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

The answer was startlingly obvious. It was Nick’s words and Nick’s voice in his head but it was reality’s truth. When Daniel didn’t look as though he was going to answer, Martin did it for him.

“Even I can see the answer to that one,” Martin said quietly, biting his lip as they both turned to look at him. Skrtel looked curious, Daniel looked anxious.

“Kels?” Skrtel prompted

Martin breathed in a ragged, tired breath and shrugged “because you can admit it to me, but you could never say it to him,”

Daniel’s eyes went wide and Skrtel dropped his gaze. The sudden tension was rife and unpleasant.

“That’s not it,” dan said determinedly

“that’s part of it dan,” Martin said with raised eyebrows

“No,” Dan said holding his gaze and shaking his head fiercely

“Well why then?” Skrtel said

Daniel groaned and shrugged his shoulder as he turned back to Skrtel “You always get what you want, you always get your own way and with this fucking game we play I don’t want you to…”

“What?” Skrtel said incredulously “take him from you?”

Martin exhaled in a whoosh and turned his gaze on Daniel. Was that really what he thought? Was he really afraid of that? Martin feared the exact same thing.

“You fucking ruin everything,” Dan hissed and his eyes were welling with tears and Martin pushed himself up in the bed, reaching forward with his hand.

Daniel didn’t even turn to look at him but he took two quick steps closer and found his hand, squeezing gently as he frowned back at Skrtel.

Skrtel scoffed “you do a pretty good job of that all by yourself,”

Dan spluttered an incredulous laugh and his voice was thick with emotion that eluded to the tears in his eyes “I know I fucking do, I don’t relish the drama Skrtel, I fucking hate it, I just-“

“Well maybe you should have thought about that before you started fucking a fifteen year old!”

Daniel flinched and he dropped his head, nodding as though he knew how true that was. Martin’s heart stopped and the worry that bubbled effervescently in his chest was the echo of a worry he’d felt a million times before. Skrtel’s words, as usual, had hit a target that may as well have been painted on Daniel’s chest.

“I beg your pardon?”

They three of them snapped their heads to the door, eyes wide, mouths parted and the way Martin’s stomach plummeted when he met the gaze of his mother he thought he was going to be sick.

She was stood, suspended almost, as though she’d been rushing down the corridor had heard those words and frozen dead in place.

Martin sucked in a deep inhale, tightening his fingers around Daniel’s as he fought to keep his breathing even. He forgot about the pain, he forgot about the worry, he forgot about the ins and outs of Skrtel and dan’s relationship and the complicated triangle the three of them formed with all their many woven threads. In that moment, there was nothing but his mothers burning gaze and the heavy weight in his stomach that was most definitely fear.

She looked livid. She looked from Martin, to Skrtel and then to Daniel, her mouth open, her eyes narrowing as she saw their clasped hands and the expression of absolute guilt that was written in Daniel’s every feature.

“One of you better start explaining,” she said and her voice was hard and shrill and grating.

Martin turned his wide eyes up to Daniel and he met his gaze, the same anxious expression splashed across his features. He was anxious but determined and in that split second Martin saw it in his eyes before he even opened his mouth around the words building on his tongue.

“I love him,” Dan said and Martin’s heart thud hard in his chest, unable to stop the small smile on his mouth before he swivelled his gaze back to his mother.

He doubted he’ ever seen that expression on his mothers face before. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the hurricane.

Part 37
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Medical jargon is not my forte, I don't pretend to have gotten it all right but the majority of what I wrote came from my dad who is a radiographer so I figured it was close enough :P
Hope you all have a great Christmas and that Santa gets you everything you asked for ;) ♥