House Of The Rising Sun (5/?)
Title: House Of The Rising Sun (5/?)
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres
Rating: R
Summary: It’s been the ruin of many a poor boy and god I know I’m one. Daniel knows he is playing with fire.
Disclaimer: Not real or meant to offend.
Daniel blinked and tilted his face up to find a young woman staring down at him expectantly. She had a guitar case with her and a heavy looking sports bag slung over her shoulder. The smooth planes of her face and the naïve light in her eyes told Daniel she could not have been older than eighteen.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked and her voice barely stirred the air as she spoke, gesturing down to the seats on the opposite side of the table he was sat at.
Daniel shook his head “no,” he said gesturing to the seats opposite him.
She nodded her head and flashed him a smile, her guitar case posing a huge figure as she propped it in the seat beside the window.
He turned his face to glance out of the window. The station sign told him they were in Birmingham. In his mind he imagined the map, showing him the great connected dots of England’s cities and knew that his journey was halfway complete. Just one more hour and he would be back in London. The prospect was more daunting than he had thought it would be.
It would be late when he arrived, nearly midnight and Daniel knew exactly how New Orleans street would look. At a glance it would look deserted, half abandoned and intimidating as most areas of London are by night. Only half of the street lamps standing sentry on either side of the road would be lit and the dying orange aura would add an ethereal glow to the street that was slick with rain. It would glisten on the ground beneath the lamps like gold and the clean, damp smell that clung to the air would be permeated with the lingering odour of the forbidden. He would sit on the wall opposite The House of The Rising Sun and stare at the house, waiting. There would be no cigarette this time as he waited, as there had been on just two other occasions. The first time had been the very first night he’d ever visited the establishment and the second had come not two weeks after that doomed conversation with Fernando.
The sky had been brighter on that occasion, the lethargic early morning sun just rising in the sky, grappling with the stars for a dominance it was always bound to win. The ground had been dry, the sky clear of clouds and the air filled with the urban early morning tweeting of birds.
Daniel had known that he should not have been there. He had known with a ringing certainty that it was wrong of him and yet he could not quite bring himself to push away from the wall and stroll back around the corner to his waiting car. He was waiting for Fernando. It was a very early Thursday morning and he knew Fernando worked until dawn every Wednesday, long after the last revellers had left, to clean up; what that must entail Daniel could barely stomach to think.
The longer he waited and the brighter the sun became in the sky the thicker the doubt circling in his head became and the heavier the anxiety in his chest felt. He couldn’t turn back because if nothing else he needed to see him but he was nervous as he had never been before. He didn’t even know if Fernando left via the basement. He did not know if there was an employee door, a gate in the back garden perhaps or a door at the side of the building and when his watch told him it was six and he was truly on the verge of leaving he saw him.
He was wearing jeans, a bag thrown over his shoulder and the hood of his jacket pulled up over his head. He had his hands in his pockets and his head down as he walked and though he didn’t so much as glance up at him Daniel knew it was him.
It was strange, seeing him in the street and the erratic thudding of his heart was testament to that. Without conscious decision he pushed away from the wall, crossed the road and jogged to catch up with him until he was grasping him by the elbow. Fernando stiffened and turned a wide eyed face on him. As soon as he recognised him; saw who his would-be assailant was his expression changed, the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips before his entire face fell and he cast anxiously around and drew him behind a tree.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He hissed licking his lips nervously and throwing a worried glance over his shoulder toward the Rising Sun.
Daniel swallowed past the lump of uncertainty in his throat and forced a smile “I thought you might want a lift home,”
Fernando eyed him doubtfully and nervously licked his lips again “Jesus Christ just walk,” he said tugging on Daniel’s elbow and starting off back down the street “if anyone sees you we’re dead, how could you be so stupid,” he said rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
Daniel pushed his hands deep into his pockets, his fingers curling around nothing as he shrugged “I needed to see you,”
They rounded the corner and Fernando turned to go left and only Daniel’s insistent grip on his arm made him cross back over and go right.
“And you just couldn’t wait until Saturday?” He asked incredulity ringing in his tone “Jesus Daniel I told you not to do this,” he said
Daniel bristled at his tone, at the hiss in his words and the angry, abrupt version of the Fernando he knew that was walking at his side. He was different, not the charming, smiling person he saw every weekend at The Rising Sun. Daniel did not like the way he was being, hated and resented the dejected crush of rejection in his stomach but it somehow made Fernando more human, more normal.
He unlocked the car and did not miss the glance Fernando gave the sleek black vehicle before he climbed into the passenger seat. He smiled despite himself. Only when the car was taking them speedily away from New Orleans street did he think of speaking; only after Fernando had exhaled tiredly in a loud whoosh into the empty, rattling space of the car.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, turning his face to look at Fernando as they paused at a light.
Fernando turned his gaze on him and though Daniel hadn’t expected one there was a smile lighting his obviously exhausted features. He grinned back softly in reply, ignoring the brief, painful question that had stabbed his mind as he took in the dark rings beneath Fernando’s eyes.
“I’m sorry too, I just…” He licked his lips and sighed “it’s a very dangerous game you’re playing Danny,”
Daniel stared out at the road intently before he spoke “it’s not a game Nando,” he said quietly
“Then what it is Daniel because this is my life and as soon as those rules are broken I’m in serious danger, you do know that?” he asked almost urgently.
In his peripheries Daniel could see that Fernando was facing him, his wide eyes glued to his profile. But he couldn’t tell him any different. He knew the risk. He believed Fernando when he said it was serious but dangerous or not he just could not stop himself.
“I just wanted to know what I would feel like if we were both here, in reality,” he said
“And?” Fernando replied, eyebrows raised expectantly, his features silently demanding an answer.
“And it still feels real,”
His words hovered in the air between them for an endless moment, even as Fernando snapped the tense silence with directions every once and a while.
When eventually he was pulling up outside an ordinary terraced house in the middle of Peckham, Fernando cleared his throat and angled his body toward him. Amidst the tension of the silence he could still smell his familiar scent, could almost taste his skin on his tongue; he could feel his heat radiating across from him and the urge to reach out to him was almost unbearable.
“This isn’t going to go away is it?” Fernando asked and his voice sounded as though it were balancing on the precarious knives edge of sadness.
Daniel shrugged “Do you want it to?”
Fernando shrugged straight back at him, raising one of his broad muscular shoulders momentarily before letting it sag back in something akin to defeat “Yes,” he said “and no,”
“I’ll back off then, I’ll stop asking for you,” Daniel said swallowing harshly over the sudden lump in his throat and forcing away the angry pang of something unfamiliar in his abdomen.
Fernando closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, releasing it slowly in a shaky exhale “please don’t,” he whispered without opening his eyes.
Daniel shook his head in confusion “then what do you want from me, is it just the money because I’d rather you just said-“
Fernando opened his eyes and glared at him indignantly and Daniel knew how offending his words had sounded, how cruel, how cold. He had not meant them as he said them and Fernando’s tainted pink cheeks and glowing brown orbs sparkled with more just anger; he was hurt.
“I know I don’t have a right to be hurt by that,” Fernando said, his voice shaking and his fists clenching as he spoke “but I am and if that doesn’t tell you exactly what this is for me then nothing can,” he said turning and grasping the door handle before Daniel could stop him.
Daniel swore as the car door slammed shut and hurriedly he yanked open his own door and followed Fernando down the path. He caught him before he could get his key in his front door and, acting rougher than he would have liked, he yanked Fernando around to face him, horrified by the glisten of tears that cast a shining and innocent sheen over his orbs.
“Just stop it, I don’t know what you want, I don’t know what I can say, I’m a fucking whore Daniel, I’m paid to have sex and I have sex with a lot of people, I don’t want anything from you, I never asked for a thing,” He said vehemently in a low tone so as not to upset the early morning tranquillity.
“I know all that Nando, I know you’re a whore but it’s what you do not who you are, it doesn’t define you,” Fernando’s bottom lip quivered as he spoke but Daniel couldn’t stop “I know you never asked me for anything, but I need you to just tell me what this is for you, really I mean…”
Fernando opened his mouth to speak, his eyes wide, his cheeks flushed red and from his wide brown orbs fell one single tear and Daniel felt his heart thud hard in his chest. He shook his head wordlessly and drew Fernando into his embrace. He didn’t object and Daniel could only be thankful when Fernando wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck.
“This is real for me and I’m scared and I don’t know what I’m doing,” Fernando whispered into his neck and Daniel titled his head up to a sky that was clear of cloud and brilliantly blue and he could not answer the unvoiced question in Fernando’s words because he simply did not have the answer.
“I don’t know, but I can’t not see you; rules or no,” he replied
Daniel felt Fernando shake his head against his neck and peel back just far enough to stare up into his eyes.
“We can’t,” Fernando whispered
“I know,” he said
“Please Daniel, why can’t it just be enough for you?” Fernando asked sadly
“Is it enough for you?” Daniel asked
Fernando pressed his lips together and the sad defeat in his eyes told Daniel the answer long before he opened his mouth to speak it.
“It has to be,” he said “I don’t have a choice,”
Daniel exhaled and shrugged his shoulders "okay," he said quietly
Fernando frowned "don't be like this Danny please, I can't stand it," he said with a sad shake of his head "you know I have feelings for you, do you feel better hearing me say it out loud?"
The hard, unfamiliar thud in Daniel's chest told him loud and clear that he did feel better for hearing it. He just wanted to know, beyond all doubt, that Fernando was as consumed as he was himself.
"Yes," he said simply "why is it so hard for you to say it?"
Fernando huffed and tried to push away from him and with a frown Daniel let him go "because I've never done this before and you scare me, I don't want Mou to have a reason to hurt me and I don't want to-" he sucked in a breath and bit his lip and Daniel could see the vast cacophony of emotion swimming in his stormy eyes.
"Don't want to what?" he asked quietly
Fernando's face fell and he shook his head and this time Fernando didn't have to be dragged into the circle of Daniel's arms, he moved forward by himself, throwing his arms around his neck and pressing his face into his skin.
"I don't want to need you Danny," he whispered "I don't even want to want you,"
Daniel tightened the arms he had around him "but you do?"
Fernando's exhale was tired "yes,"
The way his body seemed to vibrate and react to that word caught Daniel off guard and he was torn between a smile and a frown as relief and dejection flooded him.
"So please Daniel," Fernando said, pulling back just slightly to find his gaze "please don't push it," he said quietly "but please don't just go,"
Daniel bit his lip and despite the roll of anxiety and the thud of defiance in his chest he nodded his head “Okay,” he breathed “if that's what you want,” he said
Fernando smiled up at him and tilted his head up. Daniel watched as his eyes fluttered closed and he offered his mouth up to him with no more hesitancy than if they were at the Rising Sun.
He sighed and leant down, capturing his mouth and tugging lightly at his soft bottom lip as he drew it between his own. The kiss was slow, affectionate and deep in a way it probably had not been between them before. There was so much in the space around them, the wide open space between the ground and the sky and though he hated the pang of something like grief but not quite as brutal in his chest he knew he’d take whatever of Fernando as he offered.
When he pressed his tongue forward Fernando parted his lips and sucked it into his mouth, his arms getting tighter around him and his head tilting for a deeper angle and Daniel groaned, fisting his hand in Fernando’s hair and deepening the kiss until it was firm and unyielding.
When they broke apart they were panting for air and the colour was back in Fernando’s face and his smile was small and secretive.
“Will I see you Saturday?” he asked as though he didn’t already know the answer
“Of course,” Daniel said taking a step back and forcing himself to turn around. At the gate Fernando called him back.
“And Daniel?”
“Yeah?” he asked turning back with a smile despite himself
“Park where you did today and I’ll even let you drop me home,” he said
Daniel grinned and nodded and watched as Fernando bit his lip and backed toward his front door before turning around, plugging his key into the lock and disappearing inside his house.
It wasn’t much, wasn’t right or healthy or sane but he could not stop himself from wanting it. He would do whatever Fernando said they could because, as with all addictions, it didn’t matter where it came from or how he got it, he just needed another hit, he needed more than the last time and he physically could not rest otherwise. He was already on the road to nowhere; he might as well take a detour to a dead end that would lead him halfway to heaven.
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres
Rating: R
Summary: It’s been the ruin of many a poor boy and god I know I’m one. Daniel knows he is playing with fire.
Disclaimer: Not real or meant to offend.
Daniel blinked and tilted his face up to find a young woman staring down at him expectantly. She had a guitar case with her and a heavy looking sports bag slung over her shoulder. The smooth planes of her face and the naïve light in her eyes told Daniel she could not have been older than eighteen.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked and her voice barely stirred the air as she spoke, gesturing down to the seats on the opposite side of the table he was sat at.
Daniel shook his head “no,” he said gesturing to the seats opposite him.
She nodded her head and flashed him a smile, her guitar case posing a huge figure as she propped it in the seat beside the window.
He turned his face to glance out of the window. The station sign told him they were in Birmingham. In his mind he imagined the map, showing him the great connected dots of England’s cities and knew that his journey was halfway complete. Just one more hour and he would be back in London. The prospect was more daunting than he had thought it would be.
It would be late when he arrived, nearly midnight and Daniel knew exactly how New Orleans street would look. At a glance it would look deserted, half abandoned and intimidating as most areas of London are by night. Only half of the street lamps standing sentry on either side of the road would be lit and the dying orange aura would add an ethereal glow to the street that was slick with rain. It would glisten on the ground beneath the lamps like gold and the clean, damp smell that clung to the air would be permeated with the lingering odour of the forbidden. He would sit on the wall opposite The House of The Rising Sun and stare at the house, waiting. There would be no cigarette this time as he waited, as there had been on just two other occasions. The first time had been the very first night he’d ever visited the establishment and the second had come not two weeks after that doomed conversation with Fernando.
The sky had been brighter on that occasion, the lethargic early morning sun just rising in the sky, grappling with the stars for a dominance it was always bound to win. The ground had been dry, the sky clear of clouds and the air filled with the urban early morning tweeting of birds.
Daniel had known that he should not have been there. He had known with a ringing certainty that it was wrong of him and yet he could not quite bring himself to push away from the wall and stroll back around the corner to his waiting car. He was waiting for Fernando. It was a very early Thursday morning and he knew Fernando worked until dawn every Wednesday, long after the last revellers had left, to clean up; what that must entail Daniel could barely stomach to think.
The longer he waited and the brighter the sun became in the sky the thicker the doubt circling in his head became and the heavier the anxiety in his chest felt. He couldn’t turn back because if nothing else he needed to see him but he was nervous as he had never been before. He didn’t even know if Fernando left via the basement. He did not know if there was an employee door, a gate in the back garden perhaps or a door at the side of the building and when his watch told him it was six and he was truly on the verge of leaving he saw him.
He was wearing jeans, a bag thrown over his shoulder and the hood of his jacket pulled up over his head. He had his hands in his pockets and his head down as he walked and though he didn’t so much as glance up at him Daniel knew it was him.
It was strange, seeing him in the street and the erratic thudding of his heart was testament to that. Without conscious decision he pushed away from the wall, crossed the road and jogged to catch up with him until he was grasping him by the elbow. Fernando stiffened and turned a wide eyed face on him. As soon as he recognised him; saw who his would-be assailant was his expression changed, the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips before his entire face fell and he cast anxiously around and drew him behind a tree.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He hissed licking his lips nervously and throwing a worried glance over his shoulder toward the Rising Sun.
Daniel swallowed past the lump of uncertainty in his throat and forced a smile “I thought you might want a lift home,”
Fernando eyed him doubtfully and nervously licked his lips again “Jesus Christ just walk,” he said tugging on Daniel’s elbow and starting off back down the street “if anyone sees you we’re dead, how could you be so stupid,” he said rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
Daniel pushed his hands deep into his pockets, his fingers curling around nothing as he shrugged “I needed to see you,”
They rounded the corner and Fernando turned to go left and only Daniel’s insistent grip on his arm made him cross back over and go right.
“And you just couldn’t wait until Saturday?” He asked incredulity ringing in his tone “Jesus Daniel I told you not to do this,” he said
Daniel bristled at his tone, at the hiss in his words and the angry, abrupt version of the Fernando he knew that was walking at his side. He was different, not the charming, smiling person he saw every weekend at The Rising Sun. Daniel did not like the way he was being, hated and resented the dejected crush of rejection in his stomach but it somehow made Fernando more human, more normal.
He unlocked the car and did not miss the glance Fernando gave the sleek black vehicle before he climbed into the passenger seat. He smiled despite himself. Only when the car was taking them speedily away from New Orleans street did he think of speaking; only after Fernando had exhaled tiredly in a loud whoosh into the empty, rattling space of the car.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, turning his face to look at Fernando as they paused at a light.
Fernando turned his gaze on him and though Daniel hadn’t expected one there was a smile lighting his obviously exhausted features. He grinned back softly in reply, ignoring the brief, painful question that had stabbed his mind as he took in the dark rings beneath Fernando’s eyes.
“I’m sorry too, I just…” He licked his lips and sighed “it’s a very dangerous game you’re playing Danny,”
Daniel stared out at the road intently before he spoke “it’s not a game Nando,” he said quietly
“Then what it is Daniel because this is my life and as soon as those rules are broken I’m in serious danger, you do know that?” he asked almost urgently.
In his peripheries Daniel could see that Fernando was facing him, his wide eyes glued to his profile. But he couldn’t tell him any different. He knew the risk. He believed Fernando when he said it was serious but dangerous or not he just could not stop himself.
“I just wanted to know what I would feel like if we were both here, in reality,” he said
“And?” Fernando replied, eyebrows raised expectantly, his features silently demanding an answer.
“And it still feels real,”
His words hovered in the air between them for an endless moment, even as Fernando snapped the tense silence with directions every once and a while.
When eventually he was pulling up outside an ordinary terraced house in the middle of Peckham, Fernando cleared his throat and angled his body toward him. Amidst the tension of the silence he could still smell his familiar scent, could almost taste his skin on his tongue; he could feel his heat radiating across from him and the urge to reach out to him was almost unbearable.
“This isn’t going to go away is it?” Fernando asked and his voice sounded as though it were balancing on the precarious knives edge of sadness.
Daniel shrugged “Do you want it to?”
Fernando shrugged straight back at him, raising one of his broad muscular shoulders momentarily before letting it sag back in something akin to defeat “Yes,” he said “and no,”
“I’ll back off then, I’ll stop asking for you,” Daniel said swallowing harshly over the sudden lump in his throat and forcing away the angry pang of something unfamiliar in his abdomen.
Fernando closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, releasing it slowly in a shaky exhale “please don’t,” he whispered without opening his eyes.
Daniel shook his head in confusion “then what do you want from me, is it just the money because I’d rather you just said-“
Fernando opened his eyes and glared at him indignantly and Daniel knew how offending his words had sounded, how cruel, how cold. He had not meant them as he said them and Fernando’s tainted pink cheeks and glowing brown orbs sparkled with more just anger; he was hurt.
“I know I don’t have a right to be hurt by that,” Fernando said, his voice shaking and his fists clenching as he spoke “but I am and if that doesn’t tell you exactly what this is for me then nothing can,” he said turning and grasping the door handle before Daniel could stop him.
Daniel swore as the car door slammed shut and hurriedly he yanked open his own door and followed Fernando down the path. He caught him before he could get his key in his front door and, acting rougher than he would have liked, he yanked Fernando around to face him, horrified by the glisten of tears that cast a shining and innocent sheen over his orbs.
“Just stop it, I don’t know what you want, I don’t know what I can say, I’m a fucking whore Daniel, I’m paid to have sex and I have sex with a lot of people, I don’t want anything from you, I never asked for a thing,” He said vehemently in a low tone so as not to upset the early morning tranquillity.
“I know all that Nando, I know you’re a whore but it’s what you do not who you are, it doesn’t define you,” Fernando’s bottom lip quivered as he spoke but Daniel couldn’t stop “I know you never asked me for anything, but I need you to just tell me what this is for you, really I mean…”
Fernando opened his mouth to speak, his eyes wide, his cheeks flushed red and from his wide brown orbs fell one single tear and Daniel felt his heart thud hard in his chest. He shook his head wordlessly and drew Fernando into his embrace. He didn’t object and Daniel could only be thankful when Fernando wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck.
“This is real for me and I’m scared and I don’t know what I’m doing,” Fernando whispered into his neck and Daniel titled his head up to a sky that was clear of cloud and brilliantly blue and he could not answer the unvoiced question in Fernando’s words because he simply did not have the answer.
“I don’t know, but I can’t not see you; rules or no,” he replied
Daniel felt Fernando shake his head against his neck and peel back just far enough to stare up into his eyes.
“We can’t,” Fernando whispered
“I know,” he said
“Please Daniel, why can’t it just be enough for you?” Fernando asked sadly
“Is it enough for you?” Daniel asked
Fernando pressed his lips together and the sad defeat in his eyes told Daniel the answer long before he opened his mouth to speak it.
“It has to be,” he said “I don’t have a choice,”
Daniel exhaled and shrugged his shoulders "okay," he said quietly
Fernando frowned "don't be like this Danny please, I can't stand it," he said with a sad shake of his head "you know I have feelings for you, do you feel better hearing me say it out loud?"
The hard, unfamiliar thud in Daniel's chest told him loud and clear that he did feel better for hearing it. He just wanted to know, beyond all doubt, that Fernando was as consumed as he was himself.
"Yes," he said simply "why is it so hard for you to say it?"
Fernando huffed and tried to push away from him and with a frown Daniel let him go "because I've never done this before and you scare me, I don't want Mou to have a reason to hurt me and I don't want to-" he sucked in a breath and bit his lip and Daniel could see the vast cacophony of emotion swimming in his stormy eyes.
"Don't want to what?" he asked quietly
Fernando's face fell and he shook his head and this time Fernando didn't have to be dragged into the circle of Daniel's arms, he moved forward by himself, throwing his arms around his neck and pressing his face into his skin.
"I don't want to need you Danny," he whispered "I don't even want to want you,"
Daniel tightened the arms he had around him "but you do?"
Fernando's exhale was tired "yes,"
The way his body seemed to vibrate and react to that word caught Daniel off guard and he was torn between a smile and a frown as relief and dejection flooded him.
"So please Daniel," Fernando said, pulling back just slightly to find his gaze "please don't push it," he said quietly "but please don't just go,"
Daniel bit his lip and despite the roll of anxiety and the thud of defiance in his chest he nodded his head “Okay,” he breathed “if that's what you want,” he said
Fernando smiled up at him and tilted his head up. Daniel watched as his eyes fluttered closed and he offered his mouth up to him with no more hesitancy than if they were at the Rising Sun.
He sighed and leant down, capturing his mouth and tugging lightly at his soft bottom lip as he drew it between his own. The kiss was slow, affectionate and deep in a way it probably had not been between them before. There was so much in the space around them, the wide open space between the ground and the sky and though he hated the pang of something like grief but not quite as brutal in his chest he knew he’d take whatever of Fernando as he offered.
When he pressed his tongue forward Fernando parted his lips and sucked it into his mouth, his arms getting tighter around him and his head tilting for a deeper angle and Daniel groaned, fisting his hand in Fernando’s hair and deepening the kiss until it was firm and unyielding.
When they broke apart they were panting for air and the colour was back in Fernando’s face and his smile was small and secretive.
“Will I see you Saturday?” he asked as though he didn’t already know the answer
“Of course,” Daniel said taking a step back and forcing himself to turn around. At the gate Fernando called him back.
“And Daniel?”
“Yeah?” he asked turning back with a smile despite himself
“Park where you did today and I’ll even let you drop me home,” he said
Daniel grinned and nodded and watched as Fernando bit his lip and backed toward his front door before turning around, plugging his key into the lock and disappearing inside his house.
It wasn’t much, wasn’t right or healthy or sane but he could not stop himself from wanting it. He would do whatever Fernando said they could because, as with all addictions, it didn’t matter where it came from or how he got it, he just needed another hit, he needed more than the last time and he physically could not rest otherwise. He was already on the road to nowhere; he might as well take a detour to a dead end that would lead him halfway to heaven.