fic: i promise you i will learn from my mistakes, merlin, pg
When inspiration strikes, sometimes you just have to write.
That's what happened this time when I was reading some of the recent spoilers for Merlin. So if you want to stay spoiler free, don't read. Just a speculation story on some of the spoilers. There might be a Part 2 to this to add in the other spoiler from this episode...because that's in my head too! :)
Title: i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
Author: hope27
Fandom/Pairing: Merlin, Arthur/Gwen
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Speculation for Season 4, Episode 5.
Disclaimer: All characters and the series belong to BBC and the writers and creators. No copyright infringement is intended. Title from Coldplay's amazing song, "Fix You."
She was waiting for him in his chambers. Her beautiful dark curls cascaded in rivers down her back as she sat facing the fire glowing brightly in the hearth.
Quietly, he placed his sword and belt on the table, sighing as he ran a hand through his unruly hair.
He waited for her to speak, not completely surprised to find her here.
“How did it go?” she asked, her voice soft with a hint of coldness, and he couldn’t help shiver at hearing it.
“Guinevere...” he started, knowing she’d heard what happened. Feeling the heaviness of his heart double with the weight of the disappointment in her voice.
She stood before he could think of the right words to continue. For what else could he say? There was no justification for his actions. He’d searched for it the entire way back to Camelot. He came up with no reason, no way to explain it away.
“No.” Now facing him, he could see the sadness in her eyes, and the thought that he had put it there was nearly his undoing. “You don’t get to say my name like that and try to tell me you had to do it. That it was expected of you. That you were doing your duty as king!”
“But I was,” he sputtered, grasping for anything. “What that man did was a crime against Camelot. The laws dictate that it had to be done. If I hadn’t, the people would think me weak, not strong like my father.”
“Your father was not strong, Arthur,” she bit out, her words slashing through the air as she crossed the room, stopping just in front of him. ‘Your father was a coward who hid behind his fear of magic and the bitterness of things he couldn’t control. He killed people without a second thought for them or their families...”
Her voice broke, tears spilling onto her cheeks, and she bit her bottom lip to try and stifle her sob. Arthur felt his heart ache for her, knowing the pain she’d suffered at the hands of his father.
Taking a deep breathe, she swallowed and continued, softly, “He had my father killed, Arthur, for no other reason than he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn’t care to find out the truth or look at his past and the good he’d done. He could only see one moment in time. And it’s not just my father; there have been others. He almost had Gauis burned at the stake!”
“Guinevere, I know my father was not a perfect man, and I know he did things I do not agree with, but he was my father. He raised me. I am who I am because of him.” Arthur paused, trying to find the words he so desperately needed to say. “I spent my whole life trying to make him proud of me. And now I’m king and I don’t know if I can do that.”
Guinevere reached out to him, the warmth of her palm seeping through the linen of his shirt. “But you are not your father. You may have been raised by him, but you have a kind and giving heart. You make decisions by what you feel and know is right and fair.”
Arthur felt his emotions rise and tried to turn his head away, ashamed of the many tears he’d been shedding since his father’s death. If the people of Camelot saw him cry, they would think him weak. But Guinevere stopped him, her free hand cupping his cheek and angling his head so he would look at her.
“I have watched you grow into a man that I can not help but love,” she whispered, “You cannot let people like Agravaine influence what you know is right in your heart.”
He closed his eyes, letting the feel of her touch and the strength of her words seep into him, breaking away at the barrier he’d tried to build around his feelings for what he’d done. It collapsed as Guinevere brought his hand to cover her heart where he could feel the steady soothing beat through the bodice of her dress.
Shaking his head, he broke away from her, walking over to the hearth and placing his hands against the cold stones. “I remember the look in his eyes,” he whispered, voice quivering. “His wife was pleading with me, but he remained silent, staring at me. He didn’t beg, didn’t do anything to try and save his life. It was like he was sure I would do the right thing. And when I gave my orders, I looked at him and saw...disappointment like he thought I would do better. And her screams...I believe they will haunt me always.”
He hadn’t heard her move, but suddenly there were arms wrapped around him from behind, fiercely holding onto him.
“I’m sorry, Guinevere.” He murmured brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”
Guinevere bit back the sob that rose in her throat and hugged Arthur even tighter, feeling the burden he carried, one that he would not forget.
After a moment, he turned in her arms, looking at her with such sadness.
“I’ve let you down.” His words were solemn as was his gaze.
She shook her head. “Everyone makes mistakes, Arthur. The fact that you admit yours makes you stronger than most. And it will make you an even better king.”
Her words washed over him, lifting the feeling of dread he’d carried. The regret lingered, but the overwhelming guilt had lessened, and he vowed to never forget that man. He would learn from his mistakes unlike his father. He would be the man that made this amazing woman in front of him proud. The man he saw when he looked into her eyes.
That's what happened this time when I was reading some of the recent spoilers for Merlin. So if you want to stay spoiler free, don't read. Just a speculation story on some of the spoilers. There might be a Part 2 to this to add in the other spoiler from this episode...because that's in my head too! :)
Title: i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
Author: hope27
Fandom/Pairing: Merlin, Arthur/Gwen
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Speculation for Season 4, Episode 5.
Disclaimer: All characters and the series belong to BBC and the writers and creators. No copyright infringement is intended. Title from Coldplay's amazing song, "Fix You."
She was waiting for him in his chambers. Her beautiful dark curls cascaded in rivers down her back as she sat facing the fire glowing brightly in the hearth.
Quietly, he placed his sword and belt on the table, sighing as he ran a hand through his unruly hair.
He waited for her to speak, not completely surprised to find her here.
“How did it go?” she asked, her voice soft with a hint of coldness, and he couldn’t help shiver at hearing it.
“Guinevere...” he started, knowing she’d heard what happened. Feeling the heaviness of his heart double with the weight of the disappointment in her voice.
She stood before he could think of the right words to continue. For what else could he say? There was no justification for his actions. He’d searched for it the entire way back to Camelot. He came up with no reason, no way to explain it away.
“No.” Now facing him, he could see the sadness in her eyes, and the thought that he had put it there was nearly his undoing. “You don’t get to say my name like that and try to tell me you had to do it. That it was expected of you. That you were doing your duty as king!”
“But I was,” he sputtered, grasping for anything. “What that man did was a crime against Camelot. The laws dictate that it had to be done. If I hadn’t, the people would think me weak, not strong like my father.”
“Your father was not strong, Arthur,” she bit out, her words slashing through the air as she crossed the room, stopping just in front of him. ‘Your father was a coward who hid behind his fear of magic and the bitterness of things he couldn’t control. He killed people without a second thought for them or their families...”
Her voice broke, tears spilling onto her cheeks, and she bit her bottom lip to try and stifle her sob. Arthur felt his heart ache for her, knowing the pain she’d suffered at the hands of his father.
Taking a deep breathe, she swallowed and continued, softly, “He had my father killed, Arthur, for no other reason than he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn’t care to find out the truth or look at his past and the good he’d done. He could only see one moment in time. And it’s not just my father; there have been others. He almost had Gauis burned at the stake!”
“Guinevere, I know my father was not a perfect man, and I know he did things I do not agree with, but he was my father. He raised me. I am who I am because of him.” Arthur paused, trying to find the words he so desperately needed to say. “I spent my whole life trying to make him proud of me. And now I’m king and I don’t know if I can do that.”
Guinevere reached out to him, the warmth of her palm seeping through the linen of his shirt. “But you are not your father. You may have been raised by him, but you have a kind and giving heart. You make decisions by what you feel and know is right and fair.”
Arthur felt his emotions rise and tried to turn his head away, ashamed of the many tears he’d been shedding since his father’s death. If the people of Camelot saw him cry, they would think him weak. But Guinevere stopped him, her free hand cupping his cheek and angling his head so he would look at her.
“I have watched you grow into a man that I can not help but love,” she whispered, “You cannot let people like Agravaine influence what you know is right in your heart.”
He closed his eyes, letting the feel of her touch and the strength of her words seep into him, breaking away at the barrier he’d tried to build around his feelings for what he’d done. It collapsed as Guinevere brought his hand to cover her heart where he could feel the steady soothing beat through the bodice of her dress.
Shaking his head, he broke away from her, walking over to the hearth and placing his hands against the cold stones. “I remember the look in his eyes,” he whispered, voice quivering. “His wife was pleading with me, but he remained silent, staring at me. He didn’t beg, didn’t do anything to try and save his life. It was like he was sure I would do the right thing. And when I gave my orders, I looked at him and saw...disappointment like he thought I would do better. And her screams...I believe they will haunt me always.”
He hadn’t heard her move, but suddenly there were arms wrapped around him from behind, fiercely holding onto him.
“I’m sorry, Guinevere.” He murmured brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”
Guinevere bit back the sob that rose in her throat and hugged Arthur even tighter, feeling the burden he carried, one that he would not forget.
After a moment, he turned in her arms, looking at her with such sadness.
“I’ve let you down.” His words were solemn as was his gaze.
She shook her head. “Everyone makes mistakes, Arthur. The fact that you admit yours makes you stronger than most. And it will make you an even better king.”
Her words washed over him, lifting the feeling of dread he’d carried. The regret lingered, but the overwhelming guilt had lessened, and he vowed to never forget that man. He would learn from his mistakes unlike his father. He would be the man that made this amazing woman in front of him proud. The man he saw when he looked into her eyes.