swollen eyes
that was the last straw.
i never knew one person could cause me so much pain. especially you. when did you become this way? i cannot fathom how you could do the things you've done and said the things you've said to me. they are the words and actions of a monster. a terrible, cruel, manipulative, low, low person. the epitome of a selfish asshole who has absolutely no guilt for the effects of his actions on other people. i used to think you were the most amazing, loving, caring, passionate individual. you were. but now... what did i do to change all that? what did i do to deserve this treatment? i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
yes, i let you do it, time and time again. yes, i did this to myself. but after you broke me down more and more, i lost all strength or care to fight back. i thought, maybe he'll see that i'd do anything for him. he'll see how much i love him and he'll love me again. but all you saw was a pathetic girl who you could do anything to and she'd always take you back. eventually, after nearly a year of heartbreak after heartbreak, i gave up. i knew what would happen if i let you continue your game, and i did it anyway. there was barely anything left of me, and still i gave it all to you. and for the last time, you walked away and left me crying in my bed. and when i say for the last time (because i say it often), i really hope i fucking mean it.
i know this is all my fault. but i just could not make myself forget the way things used to be. i couldn't figure out how or why it changed, and i couldn't believe love wouldn't overcome if it was real. i thought it was real. i truly did. i needed it to be, otherwise nothing else made sense. now.. it seems like everything around me is falling apart. nothing is stable, nothing is real. i can't count on anything. i feel fragile, barely there, barely alive. everyone i give my trust to, give my heart to, give my body to, uses me, takes what they want and then throws me away like a piece of trash. what am i doing wrong?
something is terribly wrong in my head, and i'm beginning to doubt that it's reparable.
i don't want to die and i don't want to live. so what now?
i never knew one person could cause me so much pain. especially you. when did you become this way? i cannot fathom how you could do the things you've done and said the things you've said to me. they are the words and actions of a monster. a terrible, cruel, manipulative, low, low person. the epitome of a selfish asshole who has absolutely no guilt for the effects of his actions on other people. i used to think you were the most amazing, loving, caring, passionate individual. you were. but now... what did i do to change all that? what did i do to deserve this treatment? i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
yes, i let you do it, time and time again. yes, i did this to myself. but after you broke me down more and more, i lost all strength or care to fight back. i thought, maybe he'll see that i'd do anything for him. he'll see how much i love him and he'll love me again. but all you saw was a pathetic girl who you could do anything to and she'd always take you back. eventually, after nearly a year of heartbreak after heartbreak, i gave up. i knew what would happen if i let you continue your game, and i did it anyway. there was barely anything left of me, and still i gave it all to you. and for the last time, you walked away and left me crying in my bed. and when i say for the last time (because i say it often), i really hope i fucking mean it.
i know this is all my fault. but i just could not make myself forget the way things used to be. i couldn't figure out how or why it changed, and i couldn't believe love wouldn't overcome if it was real. i thought it was real. i truly did. i needed it to be, otherwise nothing else made sense. now.. it seems like everything around me is falling apart. nothing is stable, nothing is real. i can't count on anything. i feel fragile, barely there, barely alive. everyone i give my trust to, give my heart to, give my body to, uses me, takes what they want and then throws me away like a piece of trash. what am i doing wrong?
something is terribly wrong in my head, and i'm beginning to doubt that it's reparable.
i don't want to die and i don't want to live. so what now?