Oct 05, 2004 10:40
well, since friday my life has been horrible. eric and i got into a fight cuz i got into an argument with his friend. it was kinda my fault, i was in a crappy mood and just took it out on his friend. but what pissed me off was that he stuck up for him and never sticks up for me. he was all mad and stuff that i had went off on his friend and i was like whatever. how come you never got mad at him when he acted like a jerk to me??? and he was all telling me about how when he found out that james (the friend) had called me a bitch to some of our other friends he confronted him. and i was like yea, cuz i told you once and for all that you BETTER say something or else i was going to. so yea, what about before then when he was talking sh*t and you didn't believe me? what then? he just bugs me with his whole "my friends are so important to me" attitude.
then saturday maggie flaked on me and didnt come over. bummer huh? it sucked cuz i had told jazmin we would go with her after all, and then at the last minute maggie said she wasnt coming cuz she was too tired. she had gotten up early to go pick up clyde's friends from palm springs. i was like wth! why did YOU drive 2 1/2 hours to go pick up HIS friends?? sometimes i feel like knocking some sense into that girl. she does so much for him and he doesnt do nearly enough for her. i hate to see her with him and doing so much and the feeling not being mutual. so yea she didnt come over and i was waiting for her so jazmin thought we were gonna go and so she left so we could go meet her but maggie backed out at the last minute. she had been saying ALL DAY she was gonna go but changed her mind when she got home. clyde supposedly was not feeling good and had pink eye (or thought he did) and he needed her to stay there and wake him up so he could go to work that night. i was like dude get an alarm clock!!
sunday was super boring, nothing going on at all.
then monday my bro came home all beat up, some kid broke his nose and knocked his teeth back. im so sad for him, hes in alot of pain but handling it well. i have had the most shitty 4 days ever. and my brother is such a cutie. i feel so bad that this happened to him. this is all my dads fault and i dont care what anyone says or thinks about it. if he had treated me brother differently and not always been so quick to beat him and been so hard on him, maybe he wouldnt be getting into so much trouble right now. he still doesnt think any of his actions had any affect on us. i think my brother is in a lot of pain and doesnt know how to express it cuz he doesnt want to talk about it and seem weak. i am the same way, in a sense, but i dont talk about it for fear of what others will think about it. its easy to talk about it here, no one really knows me or knows alot about me. but in person its different. my brother said he doesnt mean to act this way, he just doesnt care about himself or what happens to him. so instead of hurting the one that hurt him, he hurts himself by getting into fights, getting into trouble, not respecting authority, and so on. same with me, i hurt myself rather than hurt the person that hurt me. i know its not healthy and i know its not normal, but we dont know how else to be. we were always taught that our feelings of sadness were wrong, that we should be hard and calloused towards life and tell the world we dont give a fuck what they think about us...so now its hard for us to let these feelings show. i am OVERLY sensitive becuz of it, and my brother is angered by it and tries to hide that fact. i dunno life just sucks ass right now. my dad has pretty much ruined my life. i never had much of a childhood, i was always getting in trouble for one thing or another. in high school he was always grounding me and not letting me date or go out with friends or attend school dances. i didnt have much of a life. i think thats why i dont care to do much right now. i am content with sitting at home alone and reading books. sometimes i would rather just be alone, even when my husband is home. my life is one big ball of shit.
if u wanna leave a comment go ahead. i know anyone who reads this is probably speechless by now. no one would have thought all this was happening, so if u wanna say something, be my guest.