kenley and hannah should breed
I AM SO MAD TERRI IS GONE. I AM MAD ENOUGH THAT I CONSIDERED NOT WATCHING THE SHOW ANYMORE BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE REMAINING DESIGNERS BUT THEN I WOULD LOSE HALF MY EXCUSE FOR RAGING IN CAPS. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH.
this was a stupid challenge. "avant-garde" and "horoscope" do not belong in the same sentence. there's just too many opportunities for doing stupid retro free-love-age-of-aquarius shit (which was exactly what suede and jerry did do, in fact) and trying to pass it off as new and fresh. interestingly, apparently there was even MORE drama happening behind the scenes that didn't even make it on the show, which i will address below.
have any of you peeked at the runway shows? i did, and all i can say is leanne or korto FTW.
and kenley needs to die. have i mentioned that?
BLAYNE & STELLA
i think blayne's brain does not work like other people's. this is one of the worst things i have ever seen. it's like a ballerina got run over by a leather daddy. stella (who seems like she's pretty cool to work with, in general - I MISS YOU STELLA) actually explained the reasoning behind the design pretty well, and if blayne had actually designed up to that concept he could have made something interesting instead of terrifying. too bad.
KENLEY & WESLEY
i do not understand how kenley did not kicked off for this montrosity. there is a difference between avant-garde and ugly/slapped-together garbage. not to mention it had nothing to do with her star sign. i loved her snooty "i don't look at collections" remark. suuuuure you don't, kenley. that's why your dresses resemble stuff other designers do better, every time. oh, and also why you never make anything else. make a fucking pair of pants. make a coat. make a skirt and top combo. DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN MAKE A DRESS WITH THE FUCKING OVERPLAYED BUBBLE SILHOUETTE.
one of tiffany's friends pointed out that in a normal season, one filled with actually talented and interesting designers, kenley would never make it this far. she'd get called out on her bullshit and thrown out on her ass. too bad for us that the competition is so lackluster.
SUEDE & JERRY
everything suede makes seems to sag under the weight of nostalgia and tired ideas. this is so OLD-looking. it's all depressing and ice-storm-ish and donna summers. it's like what we thought the space age would be like in the 70s. suede is like that creepy old guy who tries to hang out with high-school-age kids and desperately attempts to prove he's cool by buying them cigarettes and alcohol.
apparently suede and jerry had as many issues working together as terri & keith (i guess suede was pretty mean to him, i wish they would have shown this), and when tim told them to adjust their design and they did, jerry ended up blaming tim on the runway when their outfit got criticized. stay classy, jerry.
TERRI & KEITH
ok, i do not blame keith entirely for this. terri has issues about working with other people, as we remember from her challenge working with suede. and she and keith were pretty damn passive aggressive. i am willing to say that there are probably valid reasons why the other designers did not like terri, even though we didn't see them. but . . . this design really isn't that bad. i didn't think it looked that costume-y or cheap compared to the other designs (ahem, costume-y kenley design, ahem, cheap-ass floaty rayon suede outfit). based on the design alone i would not have eliminated terri. however, selling keith out on the runway is what killed her. never, ever blame the other person if you're the lead designer. even though keith is like an adenoidal whiny ten-year-old.
i will miss terri, though. she seemed like one of the only designers with a good sense of humor and she passed the "would i want to have a beer with this person" test. and she had chops! it's just really hard to get excited about the remaining designers because they are either insanely irritating (suede, kenley, sometimes jerell) or kind of nonentities in the personality department (leanne, though she can also be irritating, korto most of the time).
JOE & DANIEl
i think joe just let daniel do all the planning for this design, because i see no joe in this dress at all. it's a pretty dress, which is what daniel does, i guess, with his "refined high-end taste". it's a tad literal, and not very avant-garde, but it's not freakin' ugly.
KORTO & KELLI
apparently kelli got sick during this challenge so that's the reason why they were racing to finish the dress. would have been nice if we knew that, editors! again, pretty and a little too literal, but there were so many horrible designs this time, anything passable squeaked through.
i was trying to figure out why i can't really get excited about korto, and i think it's because korto just comes across as kind of humorless and determined and very, very serious all the time. i appreciate that she's not whining constantly about how she's a single mother and how hard it is and making that her angle (next week i will talk about kenley's "i lived in nyc when i was poor and it's sooo hard" thing and why it made me hate her even more), but i think she needs to loosen up a tad.
JERELL & JENNIFER
this doesn't set my world on fire, but it's unusual and interesting, which is more than you can say for almost any other design here. it seemed like jennifer helped out a lot here and maybe she helped jerell calm down his not-always-tasteful aesthetic, while he kept her from being boring. aw, teamwork.
jerell is ok, but he annoys me with his stupid sound bites and his mugging for the camera. he has kind of the opposite issues korto has, in that he just doesn't seem sincere at all though he also seems like he might be fun to hang out with. he's trying too hard to be "wacky" and "crazy", which never ends well.
LEANNE & EMILY
i can't believe this didn't win! it was elegant and mysterious and actually avant-garde. so of course it didn't win. i'm starting to like leanne a little more, though mostly because she just seems so much less annoying as a hipster when compared to kenley. at least, leanne is my favorite based on designs alone. i like korto but she's kind of same-y.
oh man, i love this seasoncycle so much. i'm so happy the show is entertaining again after two snoozer seasons. last season remains the only cycle i haven't watched all of. though in retrospect the saleisha one was worse.
almost all of the girls are entertaining, a rarity these days. and some of them are ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE which is like a tyra miracle. and this episode had EVERYTHING. lesbian kissing! possible violence against isis! racism! hannah proving that she is in fact the whitest person alive! vagina purses! tarina tarantino, who looks disturbingly like kelly osbourne and is maybe just a trifle old/hard-faced for pink hair!
how lame is it that they didn't actually use the ladder on the balloon. i was looking forward to models flying through the air and occasionally landing on their heads.
SHEENA
i love that sheena thought it was a good idea to place a purse between her legs and also that every girl knew she was the most flexible person, immediately. not to mention the fact that she can hang onto a ladder with her buttock muscles alone. she is amazing, please please let her get to the final show.
SAMANTHA
samantha is the stealth top model contestant. she always, always looks like a field hockey player about to head to the mall, but it works?
NIKEYSHA
thank you for introducing us to the phrase "pee up." now i know what to use when it's time to impress!
MCKEY
mckey's got a scary mouth. i also hope she makes it to the final. i want to see more cagefighting.
sometimes mckey reminds me a little of that really scary redhead member of the pussycat dolls, the one that looks like a forty-year-old masquerading as a teenager wrapped in latex.
MARJORIE
i demand more of marjorie's awkwardness! she hasn't gotten that much screen time since the first episode. i bet marjorie has a dark secret which she will reveal in the episode where tyra pretends to care about the girls and tries to make them have group crying sessions.
LAUREN BRIE
this is an awesome picture, it's too bad lauren brie seems to have no personality. she looks like she needs an iron supplement and possibly some speed. seriously, wake up!
JOSLYN
i can't take the voice. please eliminate her.
ISIS
isis is not bringing the awesome in pictures, sadly. she's pretty awesome when it comes to dealing with the other girls, though.
HANNAH
oh, hannah. i am sad that hannah exists. yeah, she got kind of ambushed but i actually thought sheena and brittany were being perfectly reasonable when they first confronted her and were in fact being pretty nice about hannah pushing isis/saying weird racist shit. saying "you've got to watch what you're doing" is hardly equivalent to "i hate you". and then, hannah's confessional interview: oy. "wow, that's not very nice!" probably proves her point that she IS the whitest person alive. the other girls made a mistake when they outright suggested she might be prejudiced, because whenever you tell someone else that they are racist, of course they are going to deny it. i doubt it would have gotten through her skull anyway, since even pointing out that her BEHAVIOR was inappropriate made her cry. fortunately i think hannah will get kicked off soon, since she sucks as a model, and then we can all stop using her as an example of the worst traits of america and making alaska/sarah palin jokes.
ELINA
elina is sooo hot. there isn't much more to elina besides bisexuality, hotness, and her stupid vegan shit, but that's more than lauren brie has.
CLARK
clark looks much worse in photos than real life - her hard, plain features don't translate well and i think without her hair and body, she's just not attractive. she's been surprisingly quiet lately, i wonder if she'll bitch up soon.
BRITTANY
brittany is pretty, nothing more to say about that. i hope she does go out and make a million dollars being all "commercial." there's nothing wrong with that!
ANALEIGH
analeigh is kind of a sucky model. i saw some old modeling shots of hers on a lj community, and was not impressed. she's pretty, but she's nothing but a bland object, she never changes her face. i did think it was cute when she entertained isis during the dreaded hormone injection.
i have so much to say about the makeovers but it will have to wait til next week.