i . . . i am speechless. WHAT AM I WATCHING?
so, this girl gets home from work totally exhausted, puts a frozen pizza in the oven and then turns to her beloved tv set. nothing out of the ordinary, right? she decides to watch house because she hasn't seen it for six months or so and because tonight's episode involves surgery on an airplane and cuddy becoming deathly ill (and thus hopefully a marriage proposal from house, or something like that). she starts idly flipping the channel looking for something to watch beforehand, rejects american idol with a shudder of horror and somehow ends up on dancing with the stars, one reality show that she has never watched. she eats pizza and plays around on the internetz, not really paying attention to the pathetic ballroom dancers dragging themselves around the stage. (why is ballroom dancing so pathetic? i can't explain it, yet there it is. i just associate it with despair and the complete loss of hope. i am supported by the fact that ex-mrs.-paul-mccartney-look-ma-no-leg is on it this season. did it all start with they shoot horses, don't they?)
AND THEN SHE SEES JOEY FATONE DOING A STAR WARS THEMED TANGO.
yes. a star wars themed tango. he has a LIGHTSABER. his partner is wearing the GOLD BIKINI. i . . . i don't know what to say. what the hell? where has joey fatone been? why is he wearing a jedi robe with a tie? who are these people?
see, everytime my life becomes dull and grim, tv saves me. i am not even joking. and i do not care if that makes me pathetic.
further examination shows that the contestants include ian ziering (I KNOW), paulina porizkova (who has just written a book that's getting surprisingly good reviews), and billy ray cyrus. now i am mentally setting up my "dream team" of burn-outs to star on the next season. these shows are really only enjoyable if you can see the bitterness leaking out of every pore, as the contestant whirls and dips. contestants who have self-deluded themselves into thinking that this means something are only entertaining for a moment. then it just becomes sad.
did skating with the stars get renewed? i would so much rather watch that. anything gets better when you add the threat of actual physical damage and endless slo-mo shots of people falling on their ass.
(don't ask me why i can't watch american idol. it just . . . i just can't stand to watch people sing badly. i can handle bad dancing, maybe because most people can't dance and it's not expected of you. maybe part of it is that i, along with my father, have the worst singing voice in the western hemisphere. someday i will record my father "singing" bob dylan songs. believe me, it's an experience. i also plan to record both of my parents snoring, so i can prove to them that they do indeed make snorting noises.)
ah, the legless wonder is coming up now. she's dressed like a '50s bobby soxer. this is what happens when you divorce paul mccartney. i bet stella is watching and laughing.
what spectacle have you seen recently? i saw a lot when i was in new york . . . entry to come. sorry, i've been more and more absent from the internet - i wish i had free time.
OH GOD SANJAYA IS SINGING. WHY? WHY? WHY? goddammit, house, hurry up.
AND THEN SHE SEES JOEY FATONE DOING A STAR WARS THEMED TANGO.
yes. a star wars themed tango. he has a LIGHTSABER. his partner is wearing the GOLD BIKINI. i . . . i don't know what to say. what the hell? where has joey fatone been? why is he wearing a jedi robe with a tie? who are these people?
see, everytime my life becomes dull and grim, tv saves me. i am not even joking. and i do not care if that makes me pathetic.
further examination shows that the contestants include ian ziering (I KNOW), paulina porizkova (who has just written a book that's getting surprisingly good reviews), and billy ray cyrus. now i am mentally setting up my "dream team" of burn-outs to star on the next season. these shows are really only enjoyable if you can see the bitterness leaking out of every pore, as the contestant whirls and dips. contestants who have self-deluded themselves into thinking that this means something are only entertaining for a moment. then it just becomes sad.
did skating with the stars get renewed? i would so much rather watch that. anything gets better when you add the threat of actual physical damage and endless slo-mo shots of people falling on their ass.
(don't ask me why i can't watch american idol. it just . . . i just can't stand to watch people sing badly. i can handle bad dancing, maybe because most people can't dance and it's not expected of you. maybe part of it is that i, along with my father, have the worst singing voice in the western hemisphere. someday i will record my father "singing" bob dylan songs. believe me, it's an experience. i also plan to record both of my parents snoring, so i can prove to them that they do indeed make snorting noises.)
ah, the legless wonder is coming up now. she's dressed like a '50s bobby soxer. this is what happens when you divorce paul mccartney. i bet stella is watching and laughing.
what spectacle have you seen recently? i saw a lot when i was in new york . . . entry to come. sorry, i've been more and more absent from the internet - i wish i had free time.
OH GOD SANJAYA IS SINGING. WHY? WHY? WHY? goddammit, house, hurry up.