my walls are empty.
So I haven't posted an update on my life in a bit, and I realized that it's 'cause I keep waiting for things to start going badly. As if if I talk about being happy, I will jinx it, and it will go away. I'm still waiting for things to settle into a routine that I'm familiar with - which involves a certain amount of day-to-day awkwardness, feeling uncomfortable, and being antisocial.
That is not currently my routine.
O.o?
Which is to say: grad school is going SWIMMINGLY! My classes are all interesting and will become challenging now that presentations are getting underway. My voice and movement classes are, right now, the hardest - my TMJ is really bad (and I can't currently afford to start fixing it) so twice I've gotten headaches from voice class after we've done "open your mouth wide and do this..." exercises. (Yes, we also make a lot of innuendo jokes in voice class. It is my special favorite.)
In movement class last week we did baby cartwheels and I think I hurt myself a little. HOORAY ICE PACKS! BUT: I did do a wheelbarrow across the room in pike position, not an easy thing for a heavy, out-of-shape woman to accomplish. AND I have lost some weight! Not much, but a little! :D
I'm getting along really well with the other students. Especially the other director, but there's also...three of the acting students who I really like, and they like me! They think I'm super nice and nurturing. Which is what I try to be, as a director and a person. I create safe spaces! YAAAAY!!!! \o/
I guess the disconnect in this comes from having a pretty crappy social experience in my undergrad. I just never felt comfortable there. Had a few casual friends, never went out to parties (because I didn't like the people enough to put up with the bad music and drunk/high/irritating folks), and felt out of place. I loved my classes, I loved the shows I was working on, and I kind of buried myself in that in order to forget the rest of my life. And then I spent this past year in a city where I didn't know a single person who wasn't related to me. All of my friends were states away (and some of y'all I only know from the interwebs!).
But I have to say - I think part of the reason that I feel more confident now is having made so many friends on LJ. All of those "love on me?" memes, and y'alls comments on rambley RL posts and PMs and IMs and emails - I think writing fanfiction has ended up being the single best thing that has ever happened to my self-esteem. During the first few days of school, whenever I got intimidated, I reminded myself that online, I have friends who think I am very cool, and maybe people in RL will think that sometimes, too!
Oh, fannish armor. ♥
I just - I don't feel out of place here. I feel like I'm in the right place, doing the right thing. It's kind of wonderful.
Fannish news:
WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!
That is not currently my routine.
O.o?
Which is to say: grad school is going SWIMMINGLY! My classes are all interesting and will become challenging now that presentations are getting underway. My voice and movement classes are, right now, the hardest - my TMJ is really bad (and I can't currently afford to start fixing it) so twice I've gotten headaches from voice class after we've done "open your mouth wide and do this..." exercises. (Yes, we also make a lot of innuendo jokes in voice class. It is my special favorite.)
In movement class last week we did baby cartwheels and I think I hurt myself a little. HOORAY ICE PACKS! BUT: I did do a wheelbarrow across the room in pike position, not an easy thing for a heavy, out-of-shape woman to accomplish. AND I have lost some weight! Not much, but a little! :D
I'm getting along really well with the other students. Especially the other director, but there's also...three of the acting students who I really like, and they like me! They think I'm super nice and nurturing. Which is what I try to be, as a director and a person. I create safe spaces! YAAAAY!!!! \o/
I guess the disconnect in this comes from having a pretty crappy social experience in my undergrad. I just never felt comfortable there. Had a few casual friends, never went out to parties (because I didn't like the people enough to put up with the bad music and drunk/high/irritating folks), and felt out of place. I loved my classes, I loved the shows I was working on, and I kind of buried myself in that in order to forget the rest of my life. And then I spent this past year in a city where I didn't know a single person who wasn't related to me. All of my friends were states away (and some of y'all I only know from the interwebs!).
But I have to say - I think part of the reason that I feel more confident now is having made so many friends on LJ. All of those "love on me?" memes, and y'alls comments on rambley RL posts and PMs and IMs and emails - I think writing fanfiction has ended up being the single best thing that has ever happened to my self-esteem. During the first few days of school, whenever I got intimidated, I reminded myself that online, I have friends who think I am very cool, and maybe people in RL will think that sometimes, too!
Oh, fannish armor. ♥
I just - I don't feel out of place here. I feel like I'm in the right place, doing the right thing. It's kind of wonderful.
Fannish news:
- usakeh I swear to god I AM WORKING ON YOUR FIC! I'mma try to get it done before Wednesday.
- The new season of Merlin started! And, may I say, Bradley James has become EVEN PRETTIER. HOW DID HE DO THAT?
- Also...the new season of America's Next Top Model has begun. *hides shame and rewatches*
- I'm going to try to finish two fics before September 24th. And if I do that, I'm gonna sign up for whitecollarswap! Signups are open now, and close on the 24th. I think it's a lovely idea for how to pass hiatus, I just want to make sure that I realistically have enough time to finish a fic for it.
WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!