yea i know i never write so get over it
so, yea things are kinda bad right now in the family life .. kinda way .. people are dumb and do dumb stuff while drinking .. and get get themselfs into trouble and cry and shit .. so yea. We'll just have to see how all of that turns out in the long run. I kinda hope both of them get something out of this .. they need to go to court and take some anger classes and child care classes or some shit. At least those two things and i would be happy as hell.
I've learned things about friends that freak me out .. and i now worry about them and just wish they could see what we say to them is true. Your better then he treats you and you know it just get up the balls and leave as hard as it is. We love you and dont want to get more hurt then you already are.
My life is school and work ... it is just so much fun. Classes change in about a month and a half and then i get to start into all my Biomedical classes which makes me happy I have about a year left and then its out into the "real" world ... to do this job that i have no idea is going to be yet .. its really freaky .. i dont know i've always known what i was going to do in my life step after step .. and here i am to this point where i have no idea. I dont know what way to turn or anything. I just know i want out of Middletown .. I love the place and all and it will always be my home but i need some change i think. I need the change to leave and be out on my own .. and see how i do.
Mary leaves me in less then a week to go to college the closer it gets the more sad it makes me. Her and I have had our hardtimes where we didn't talk to eachother for months at a time .. but we always came around and we always knew the other one was a phone call or a short 10 min car ride away now its just a phone call. I dont know how i'm going to deal with this her and her house was my way of getting away from mine for a little bit. but now i cant do that.
I really raelly miss having stephen to hang out with. He was my other way of getting out of the house for a bit. But now that i cant see him because of what went on in Dec. it also makes me sad.
I think in writting this i've realized I'm really not happy. I dont know why i'm not happy i'm just not and that makes me sad. I guess its all because of whats going on in my life. Being worried about the ones you love will do that to you .. but i think this as been adding up for a while now and I've just now realized it.
But like i've told other people thing can only go so far down and then it has to start coming back up so i hope thats whats going to happen for me.
I've learned something i think i've never known about myself .. and that is I always said that i didn't need someone in my life to make me happy. Someone meaning a guy. But I think i grew used to the fact stephen was in for so long and now i dont have that comfort and its different and not in a good way. i just wish my mom wouldn't be the way that she is and wouldn't just let me hang out with the kid or something because i really miss him.
Him and I dont know if we'll ever get back together but i hope we will try things again .. and what not .. I've seen my life with the kid forever .. had it planed out in a way .. and the whole picture was just gone in the matter of a couple of days. He still needs to get his shit together and he has a year and at the ending that year .. its over no more chances. Does that make me sound like a Bitch?? If it dose oh well.
I just wanna find that one guy that makes me so happy that i cant stand myself when i'm around him .. and everytime i think i've found him something fucked up happens and he's gone again. Psh, whatever i think i'm in one of my giving up on love moods again. but in 10 min's he'll walk past me and it will be all over .. so i dont know. You cant give up on love because if you do you have nothing else to go after. So i vow not to give up on it .. at least for a little bit.
I really should go and work on my photoshop II shit ..
<3 MJ
I've learned things about friends that freak me out .. and i now worry about them and just wish they could see what we say to them is true. Your better then he treats you and you know it just get up the balls and leave as hard as it is. We love you and dont want to get more hurt then you already are.
My life is school and work ... it is just so much fun. Classes change in about a month and a half and then i get to start into all my Biomedical classes which makes me happy I have about a year left and then its out into the "real" world ... to do this job that i have no idea is going to be yet .. its really freaky .. i dont know i've always known what i was going to do in my life step after step .. and here i am to this point where i have no idea. I dont know what way to turn or anything. I just know i want out of Middletown .. I love the place and all and it will always be my home but i need some change i think. I need the change to leave and be out on my own .. and see how i do.
Mary leaves me in less then a week to go to college the closer it gets the more sad it makes me. Her and I have had our hardtimes where we didn't talk to eachother for months at a time .. but we always came around and we always knew the other one was a phone call or a short 10 min car ride away now its just a phone call. I dont know how i'm going to deal with this her and her house was my way of getting away from mine for a little bit. but now i cant do that.
I really raelly miss having stephen to hang out with. He was my other way of getting out of the house for a bit. But now that i cant see him because of what went on in Dec. it also makes me sad.
I think in writting this i've realized I'm really not happy. I dont know why i'm not happy i'm just not and that makes me sad. I guess its all because of whats going on in my life. Being worried about the ones you love will do that to you .. but i think this as been adding up for a while now and I've just now realized it.
But like i've told other people thing can only go so far down and then it has to start coming back up so i hope thats whats going to happen for me.
I've learned something i think i've never known about myself .. and that is I always said that i didn't need someone in my life to make me happy. Someone meaning a guy. But I think i grew used to the fact stephen was in for so long and now i dont have that comfort and its different and not in a good way. i just wish my mom wouldn't be the way that she is and wouldn't just let me hang out with the kid or something because i really miss him.
Him and I dont know if we'll ever get back together but i hope we will try things again .. and what not .. I've seen my life with the kid forever .. had it planed out in a way .. and the whole picture was just gone in the matter of a couple of days. He still needs to get his shit together and he has a year and at the ending that year .. its over no more chances. Does that make me sound like a Bitch?? If it dose oh well.
I just wanna find that one guy that makes me so happy that i cant stand myself when i'm around him .. and everytime i think i've found him something fucked up happens and he's gone again. Psh, whatever i think i'm in one of my giving up on love moods again. but in 10 min's he'll walk past me and it will be all over .. so i dont know. You cant give up on love because if you do you have nothing else to go after. So i vow not to give up on it .. at least for a little bit.
I really should go and work on my photoshop II shit ..
<3 MJ