(no subject)
So, last night i was in a kinda girly mood talking to Mikey and we wont go into everything that was said but in the end the whole talk came down to one thing. and that is you can never ever help who you love or loved in the past. its just something that happens. It made me happy to talk about everything with him last night and all at the sametime it made me all emo .. lol .. yup Jaclyn thats right i said I'm emo.
I was happy talking to him because I loved High school as much as i said i hated it then. I really loved it down deep. I had some of the best freinds that a person could ask for. As hard of a time that i had in the 9th and 10th grade I loved every min. of it. All but the Mikey talking about killing himself once a week and me worrying about him. The things you do for people when you love and care about them. 11th and 12th grade i became closer to firends that i had in the past. And thanks to some people i became a little more into the wonderful local music scene in Middletown. and the two of you know who you are. 12th grade was fun. Even tho I hated most everyone in the school and i had a couple of really close friends drop out. But the best thing about the 12th grade were lunches outside with Toni, Brandon, Cody and omg i forgot his name ..... damn it. but anyways lunches out side with or w/out Toni and Brandon and them in the Fall/ Winter or br it outside with Scott,Sean and a little with Brandon before he left us in the Spring/Summer it was good times too not has funny as guys running around killing bees with school planners but fun. 9th grade Science class was a kick too tho having a teacher that was freash out of college that didn't really teach us anything Dustin and I giving the class pets sugar rushes off of candy corn and pop and then laugh as they ran around there cage all crazy. Brandon Amburgy braiding my hair all the time. and god knows that paid off for him in the long run with the two little girls he has now. But i cant forget how Jaclyn and I's friendship grow .. that is all thanks to Brandon because w/out him we wouldn't have even met. Oh yeah and how Lindsay and i became friends because of Mary and the hoosegow and now i wouldn't give her up for anything in the world not even stephen or Dustin. Her and Jaclyn are my talking about lifes problems buddies. How Marys and I's friendship has fell apart and came back together like 1,000 times.
Those were the days. Nothing really had to matter you. High school .. how i miss it sometimes. I miss the people some of the teachers. Friendships long gone. The laughs in the hallways. Talking about having emo hair. Talks about how when some of us turn like 70 or something there just going to up and die. The crazyness of some of our talks. I miss the underclassmen sometimes and there great clothes and trends. Talking with Paul about everything under the sun. Like i said the good old days.
I feel bad that i've lost touch with a lot of those really great friends but i guess it one of those things that just happens we all go our different ways and such. Met my 1st love never dated him. Found my dream guy never dated him. Had friendships that i would never change for the world. Learned life leasons that have changed me for the best and wrost all at the same time. Fell in love with Stephen. would never ever change that even tho all the hell that we've been thur and looks like will keep going thur for a while to come. Found myself at some great shows with poeple that I now wouldn't change for the world. It's now not the same if i'm not at a show with at least Jaclyn and Lindsay. But a show with the both of them and Lindsay with her magic Rash shirt is the best.
I guess the main thing that i learned last night talking with Mikey is that .. I cant think of the what if of the past what if we would have dated if i wouldn't have been so shy. If if this and that. That its okay to look but at the past and think about all those times and the fuuny, dumb. and heart warming things that happened. but i now have to focus on the life that i wanna lead and stop worrying about those things that i have no control over. If its one thing that i've learned its that you cant change poeple only time can do that. maybe time can help win over my mom and it can help stephen see all the things that we've talked about in the past about him going to school and all.
Well gotta go and take down the x-mas stuff. Thanks for the friendship to all of you that know who you are. We've spent some of the best and worst times of some of our lives together and god knows we've had some crazy talks about things that were pointless, dumb, and funny only to us. All the inside jokes we've made.
Peace. MJ