To: Mr. Benjamin J./outskirts of Glasgow
Dear Ben,
I'm writing this solely for the purpose of making you cut your penis off.
Earlier, Si and I rolled around on the floor and pretended to be spaceships. He then sang me "Breatheher" and looked at me intently. I think we all know what this means - he wants bologne.
That's rather funny, isn't it? He serenades me, only to get my bologne. It's good bologne, like. From the Black Forest. But still.
Well. You asked me to tell you about yesterday, so here goes.
We got up, ate breakfast, fooled around forever, played some music together. You know, the usual. However, this time we were superb. He played his guitar and I played my violin and we made fantastic music.
Then, uh, we decided to reenact Grease. We found him some pomade and me some MJ's, then started. As we got more and more carried away, we sang louder and louder, and our dancing got a bit insane. So far, so well.
Grease was followed by more intense fooling around.
Finally, we did some yoga. Ate food, and watched movies.
1. House of Wax - Terrible. Worst acting I've ever encountered. The best scene was when Paris Hilton was killed. Awesome!
2. There's Only One Jimmy Grimble - Cuuuuute. I loved it. Mr. Carlyle stars in it, and it's about "footie". Surely you'd adore it.
3. Documentary on... something and pharaos - Very interesting. Simon dozed off during this one, and I had to suck on his cheek repeatedly in order to wake him up.
Now he's massaging my lower leg while making strange noises. I promise I'll make sure he gets to the airport safely tomorrow afternoon.
Before we go to sleep tonight I'll read him some David Salinger {EDIT: My God. I am going to kill myself. That's David Sedaris, of course.}, and he'll be amazed by the sheer funniness of it all. Oh yeahhh.
Simon's just delightful, don't you think? Join the faction. I know you want to. Aye.
I love you, Ben. Please don't throw styx at me!
P.S.: This song fucking blows me away. Thank you.