Rhodey
Only with Tony Stark could Rhodey end up on the other side of the country, hoping to get home before his mom realized he was gone. Only then.
It was a special thing that he had become used to at this point.
"A semi-active volcano. You pick the best places, Tony."
Tony
"It's not in the volcano," Tony replied, prodding at his phone. "It's just down the slope. I already checked it out with satellite feeds. No lava for us."
Thank you, SHIELD!
Ben
"You say that now, but if I end up looking like something that comes in a bucket with coleslaw and mashed potatoes, you're explaining to Ender how you got me deep-fried," Ben said.
Stephanie
Stephanie made a tsk-ing noise. "With all due apologies to Colonel Sanders, it's all about the biscuits. Really now."
But back to the WTFery, as she wasn't in a hurry to be extra-crispy either.
"What kinds of deep spiritual revelations do you think people have, in surroundings like this?" She snickered. "Something about just going with the flow?"
Tony
Tony rolled his eyes at the three of them, leading the way to an out of the way cave that somehow people had never noticed or explored, thus making this less of a secret Chinese temple in the United States.
It was better than Jersey, at least.
"Just hope we don't have to deal with evil statues. I am so sick of evil statues."
Ben
"They're a lot like droids," Ben said, "but worse shots. I don't mind them so much."
Ben was special.
Stephanie
Stephanie had a vague, fleeting mental image of Gotham's gargoyles turning evil and sentient. Aieeeeeeeeee.
"The less they can aim things at my head, the more I like them."
They were all special here, apparently.
Rhodey
"You guys managed to miss the giant one," Rhodey said, keeping an eye out for those statues just in case. He didn't have a suit of armor or badass fighting skills, guys. Cut him a little slack.
Tony
"That one had laser eyes," Tony added, looking around the temple as they entered it. It was one large room with a Chinese character on the floor in the middle of the room. A column of light shot out from that, up into the ceiling. Flanking that were two braziers, one with ice crystals and the other with coal.
He got his phone out, fiddling with it to get the translation system up.
Ben
"Lasers are astral," Ben said enthusiastically, "--though not when they are being shot at you, I guess," he tacked on with an apologetic glance at Rhodey.
Stephanie
Okay, now Stephanie was going to give him a weird look.
"Yes, let's make sure we differentiate between the friendly lasers and . . ." She took a good look around the room. "Well, this is scenic."
She knew she should've started learning Chinese like Bruce kept hinting she should.
Rhodey
Rhodey put up with Tony, he was used to people being vaguely suicidal in what they found fun.
"You should have been to the one in Jersey," Rhodey joked, reaching out to poke the glowing column. Because he was just as dumb as Tony sometimes. He jerked his hand back, holding it protectively against his chest. "Okay, that's hot."
Tony
"Don't touch the glowing column, Rhodey," Tony muttered.
The phone chimed in helpfully, letting everyone know: 'Translation complete: Temperance'
Ben
Ben, who would have totally touched the glowing column, said, "Yeah, Rhodey. Temperance? Isn't that about not drinking?"
Sort of, Ben.
Stephanie
"Not necessarily just drinking," Stephanie said, her voice a little tight; she didn't elaborate, though. "But that's the general gist of it."
Tony
"The ring chamber didn't open up when we walked in," Tony said suddenly. Because, you know, their evil buddy Gene wasn't with them. "It opened up in all the others as soon as we stepped inside."
Rhodey
"So, maybe this one you need to pass the test first," Rhodey said with a shrug, investigating the coal. Or seem to be doing that as he gave Stephanie a curious look.
Ben
"Well, the ice would be good in a drink," Ben said thoughtfully, walking to the third pile and crouching down to look at it. "The coal...not so much. Maybe we should do something with the ice?"
He reached out, picked up a handful and began juggling it, then tossed it at the glowing column--Rhodey said it was hot, maybe hot and cold together did something?--and let out a surprised scream as lava seeped out of the floor, up and over him.
And then...well, then Ben wasn't really home any more.
Stephanie
Stephanie had spun toward Ben when she heard him scream, and then made a distinctly meep-like sound pretty much immediately.
"To state the painfully obvious, that can't be good."
Tony
"You think?" Tony asked, taking a step back before he activated the suit. Look, it wasn't evil statues, but this didn't seem like it was going to end terribly well either.
Rhodey
Rhodey, meanwhile, was going to scamper around to get away from the amazing Lava Boy now. "This is so much worse than statues!"
Ben
"Are you worthy?" Ben hissed, then spat a pair of fireballs from his mouth before flying--really--at the three of them.
...that was new, as was the way Ben looked.
Stephanie
. . . yeah, sweltering aside, Stephanie was glad she'd had her Robin suit on under her clothes.
"Boy, is that ever a bad tradeoff for the flying," she yelped, then had to dive out of the way of a fireball. "Yipes!"
Tony
"Agreed," Tony said, helmet closing around his face just in time to keep from being burned. He ignited the jets, taking off after Ben to keep him as contained as possible without causing him any harm.
Or letting harm come to Rhodey and Stephanie.
Ben
"Are you worthy?"
Ben had become quite the scintillating conversationalist in the past few minutes as he flew directly at Tony and spat a few more fireballs for good measure.
Tony
"Yes, I'm totally worthy," Tony snapped, grabbing at Ben's arms to keep him in place. Or hit a wall as Ben was way stronger than he looked right now.
He steadfastly ignored the readings on his HUD letting him know that the heat shielding was rapidly declining at this rate.
"Figure out the test! I got him!"
Stephanie
"But no pressure or anything, whee . . ." Stephanie was glad she didn't have to think of something quickly while trying not to fall off a rooftop, at least.
Okay, thinking, thinking.
"Right! Maybe the cold needs some heat to balance it out?"
She made a run for the brazier of coal, grabbed a chunk, and flung it toward the column. It didn't have the balance of a Batarang, but eh. Steph hadn't made the varsity softball team freshman year for nothing.
Ben
The lava--and sadly, also the ability to fly--drained from Ben as she did so and he plummeted to the ground before landing easily on his feet. "Steph!"
Stephanie
Well, that was pretty quick: Stephanie barely had time for a reactionary shriek.
She could fly now, and launched herself toward Tony with a grin that probably looked pretty freaky, what with the glowing and complexion of molten rock.
"Are you worthy?"
Damn. There went a golden opportunity for a pun.
Rhodey
"Oh, come on!" Rhodey said, looking around for any clue how to fix this. Because if ice wasn't the answer, and coal wasn't the answer, something else had to be here.
Tony
Great. Just great.
"Already told you last friend, I'm worthy," Tony said, grabbing for Stephanie's arms in an attempt to hold her still. Even with the armor and heat shielding, he could feel his hands getting uncomfortably hot. "Little help, Ben?"
Ben
"On three let her go," Ben said, reaching into the Force and getting ready to hold her up.
He lit his lightsaber and wondered if it would block fireballs. "One, two...three!"
Tony
Tony let go of her arms, hoping to hell Ben knew what he was doing, because he wasn't so sure right now.
Well, other than the fact that his suit was kindly alerting him to the fact that the lava people might be causing a little more trouble inside the semi-active volcano. Like making it more active than semi right about now.
Stephanie
Stephanie turned, trying to spit a fireball at Tony's face. You could probably guess she wasn't a fan of being held back, and was struggling pretty violently.
"Are you worthy?" she demanded again.
Ben
"Totally worthy," Ben said, though he sounded strained as he divided his attention between holding her up and keeping the fireball from frying Tony.
Rhodey
"We get it, they're all worthy!" Rhodey shouted, digging out his phone to contact the only other person he knew understand anything about this.
Loathe as he was to admit it.
"Gene! The test has been activated, we need your help."
Gene
"Rhodes?" Ugh, Gene was going to kill everyone involved in this for him being left behind. Everyone involved. "What--"
He inhaled, trying to remain calm in the face of stupidity.
"Just tell me what you see."
Tony
"Remind me why I thought this was a good idea?" Tony asked, moving around to avoid the FLAMING LAVA BALLS COMING AT HIS FACE.
Stephanie
They were flaming lava balls of love, Tony. Really. Not dirty.
Actually, what might be a concern was that Stephanie was really really hot right now. Just literally, which was not a good sign when combined with the floating in the middle of the room and glowing.
"Are you worthy?"
So. Many. Good. Joke. Opportunities. Missed.
Ben
"Um, Rhodey?" Ben said. "Figure this out much, much faster. I have a bad feeling about this..."
Tony
Tony stared at the readings coming in from the suit, very rapidly agreeing with Ben's bad feeling son the matter.
"Now. Now would be good, Rhodey. She's spreading energy down into the volcano."
In that erupting sort of way.
Gene
"I don't understand, a giant fire is chasing you?"
Rhodey
"GENE."
Gene
"Fine!" It wasn't his fault Rhodes was a moron. "The test is temperance. Moderation. Not too much of any one thing. You said Ben tried the ice, and Stark's--girlfriend put in the coal. Neither are the answer. What--what if it's both?"
Rhodey
"Both?" Rhodey hit 'end' on the phone, ignoring anything more Gene had to say on the matter. Because he was petty sometimes.
He took a breath, grabbing a piece of coal and then a piece of ice to throw in together. And pray that he didn't end up a lava monster as well.
Stephanie
The glowing, fireball-spitting, floating thing that was usually Stephanie opened her mouth again and --
"You are worthy," she declared, and dropped hard to the floor, no longer covered in lava.
Ben
Ben reached out into the Force to slow her a bit. "Tony, I've been to some messed up universes and yours...is getting to be way up there."
Tony
Tony would have sagged with relief if he hadn't been moving to catch the suddenly slower Stephanie. Because he was a damn hero, okay.
Deal with it.
"Yaaaaaay," he deadpanned. "Hooray for us."
Stephanie
"Ugh," Stephanie mumbled, blinking and smiling weakly at Tony. "My non-bruised tailbone thanks you, but we have to stop meeting like this. Is it still crisis time?"
Rhodey
Rhodey let out a whoop of celebration. "Oh yeah! Who saved the day this time?"
Gene.
"Rhodey, that's who!"
Ben
"And also the person on the phone with you," Ben said, running his hands down his shirt to be sure that he still wasn't on fire somehow.
He had sudden sympathy for his grandfather--and his dad--for their lava traumas.
[[NFB/NFI! Preplayed with the awesome
momslilassassin and
batwaffles]]