Beautiful. Part Five
Title: Beautiful. Part Five
Author: hooray4irony
Rating: NC-17 (But not this chapter)
Pairing: Ryden (later)
POV: Ryans, then Brendon's, then Ryan's again.
Summary:
I just touched myself while thinking about another guy. I was naughty and being naughty brought on punishment. But no one here would punish me.
(Continue from Part Four)
Disclaimer: I do not own. Bitches.
Beta: xojemmaxo >:(
Author Notes: ... here it is. Finally. I know. Next one will be up asap. (When I could be bothered) :) Enjoy. Sorry it's so short. But I really wasn't bothered.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Ryans POV
"Ryan?" Brendon's voice shattered the silence and echoed through the bathroom door. "Ry, you've been in there for two hours. Are you okay?"
I was curled in on myself in the far corner of the bathroom, feeling hot and sticky and dirty.
I just touched myself while thinking about another guy. I was naughty and being naughty brought on punishment. But no one here would punish me.
Brendon knocked lightly on the door again and I flinched.
"Ryan, come out of the bathroom. Tell me what's wrong."
I couldn't tell him what was wrong. He would think I was disgusting and foul. He would throw me into a boiling hot shower and scrub my skin until it was raw and bleeding. He would never want to talk to me or look at me the same again. I couldn't handle the thought of that; Brendon was pretty much the only thing holding me together, even though it made me feel sick to admit it.
"Ryan, please?"
My eyes flickered towards the shower. I could wash it all away. Wash away the guilt and the feeling of sin.
I stood up, stripping off my clothes as I walked over to the shower. I didn't dare look at my reflection in the mirror as I passed.
I ignored Brendon's knocks on the door and his words as I turned the hot water tap on as far as it would go. The water blasted from the shower head and the bathroom quickly filled with steam. The glass shower walls fogged up until I couldnt see through them. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the water, closing the screen behind me.
As soon as the boiling water hit my skin, my first instinct was to jump away. But I forced myself to bite my tongue, supressing the screams that wanted so badly to rip from my throat as I stood there. The water burned my skin and made the cuts on my chest sting even worse than when they were made. They opened up and blood washed away with the water down my torso. I placed a hand on the tiled wall and braced myself, feeling dizzy; as if I would pass out. I stood under the boiling water until my skin was red and raw.
Then I saw a loofah at the bottom of the shower, bent down and clutched at it. Breathing heavily through my nose, biting my lip until my teeth ripped through the soft skin, and trying to force the bile back down my throat at the familiarity of all this, I started to scrub roughly at my body. I couldn't help whimpering and hissing in pain as I scrubbed away the invisible dirt. I scrubbed everywhere and anywhere until my skin was bleeding and beginning to blister. Tears streamed down my cheeks, washing away with the water.
I dropped the loofah and leaned heavily against the wall, panting and sobbing. Everything was spinning and my knees felt as if they would give up on me any moment. My skin felt as if it were on fire but the sick, twisted sense of accomplishment made me smile slightly. I felt in control and as long as I punished myself enough, I wouldn't be tempted and I would be a good boy.
I turned off the tap and just stood there for a moment or two, giving myself a chance to compose myself.
I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. The skin all over my body was raw and blistering and bleeding.
I didn't bother to clean up the blood on my body and as soon as I attempted to slide my pants on, white noise filled my ears and I sat heavily on the floor as black splotches patterned my vision. I supressed the urge to cry and throw up. My head pounded horribly along with the throbbing from my burnt body.
Brendon was now pounding on the door, shouting through the wood.
"Ryan? Ryan, please come out of there."
I carefully slid the rest of my clothes on and took one last look in the mirror. Blood slowly seeped through the material and the v-neck shirt and shorts did nothing to hide the blistered and broken skin underneath. My legs and chest were in plain view and the cuts on my chest were oozing down my chest, soaking my shirt. I decided I looked like shit but didn't care.
"Ryan?" Brendon continued. He sounded frantic and guilt suddenly washed over me. But the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came.
Brendon's POV
I sat outside the locked bathroom door for over two hours, trying to convince Ryan to come out. He had just bolted in there when he woke up. My first thought was that he had had a nightmare or a flashback but now I wasn't so sure.
I heard the shower taps turn on so I waited some more. But then half an hour passed and I was getting worried. I could hear him gasping and whimpering and sobbing and I didn't know what to do. The door was locked and I wasn't sure whether to get Kate or just bash the door down. I thought about picking the lock, but as soon as I did, the door unlocked and it opened slowly.
My mouth dropped open and I felt sick when I saw his skin. I could only stare as Ryan walked out and sat on his bed, wincing before deciding he'd rather stand. He stood with his back to me.
"What... did you do?" I asked softly, my voice shaking. I walked around to stand in front of Ryan. He didn't look at me.
"Ryan, what did you do?" I tried again.
Ryan shrugged.
"I punished myself." He sounded weary and tried, his eyelids half closed. His mouth was hanging open slightly and I could hear his heavy, uneven breathing from where I was standing. Ryan looked like he was about to pass out.
"Why?"
"Because..." Ryan was having trouble talking. " No one else would."
I frowned. What the fuck?
I expressed this to Ryan. "What the fuck, Ryan?!"
He flinched and I only felt slightly bad.
"What the fuck did you do to your skin?! You don't just go and fucking burn yourself! What is going through your head, Ryan!? You look like you're about to fucking pass out and you've got fucking third degree burns all over your skin! You're bleeding and -- and I need to get Kate--"
I went to storm off but Ryan made a strangled noise and clutched my sleeve, pulling me back.
I could tell it caused his serious pain to move, but I was desperate to get to Kate.
"No!" he panted, eyes filling up with tears. "No, please! You can't tell anybody."
"Well, it's pretty hard to not notice, Ryan--"
"You can't! Please," he cried out. I'd never seen this side of Ryan before and it tore something inside of me. But I was not going to give in.
"No, Ryan. You need a hospital--"
Ryan's eyes grew wide and he ceased to breath. I thought he was going to faint until he stumbled from the bed and out the door.
"Fuck!" I cursed as I ran after him. The boy could run and by the time I reached the top of the stairs, Ryan was already stumbling off the bottom step. He was sobbing loudly and whining with each movement but he ran as fast as he could. Which was fucking fast.
I ran down the stairs, careful not to trip as I called out Ryan's name. He wasn't listening. He reached the front door and threw it open, sprinting through it. People stared as I followed him outside and down the dirt driveway.
"Ryan! Stop!" I tried, but he wasn't listening or stopping any time soon.
I ran as fast as I could, gaining on Ryan when he stumbled and fell hard on the gravel. I could hear his screams, but he didn't give up. Just scrambled to his feet to continue running.
"Ryan-- fuck! Just stop or you're going to hurt yourself even more!" I yelled and as soon as I did, Ryan fell to the ground again. But this time he stayed down.
I caught up to him and squatted down beside him.
Ryan's face was pale and he was sobbing hard and when I looked down at his knees, I saw the skin had been scraped away, covered in blood and pieces of gravel and dirt. On top of the third degree burns, I was expecting Ryan to be screaming in pain by now.
"Shit, Ryan," I muttered, feeling sick.
I bent down, carefully placing my arms around his back and underneath his knees.
Ryan moaned in pain and clutched my shirt, squeezing his eyes shut.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, lifting him into my arms.
By the time I had turned around, Kate and a few other kids were running up to me.
"Kate, call an ambulance," I called out even though my throat felt like it was constricting, and when I glanced down at Ryan, he was unconscious.
*********
Ryan's POV
I woke up and saw white walls. I felt numb all over and for a split second, I thought I was back in Pete's room. But then I turned my head and saw the needles in my arm.
I gasped and went to pull them out, but a hand came down on my wrist and gently stopped me before I could. I gasped again and looked up at the person, wondering how I didn't notice him before. He was wearing a white coat and was holding a clipboard.
I felt like crying. Pete told me that these men, 'doctors', were very bad people. They liked to torture their patients. Sometimes they didn't feed you for days, and they stuck needles in your arms to drug you. Doctors liked to 'touch' their patients while they were unconscious and manipulate them. They cut your dick off while you're drugged and they're all vampires.
"Show me your teeth," was all I could say.
The doctor's eyebrow went up and he let go of my hand gently.
"You can't take those needles out," he said. His voice was cold and emotionless.
I could feel myself panicking. My dick was going to be chopped off and he was most likely going to suck my blood. I scrambled away from him and further along the bed, cursing when the tubes connected to the needles only allowed me so far.
I searched the room frantically for an escape, and when I looked towards the door, Brendon walked through.
I felt cold dread set in my stomach. Brendon, sweet, funny, innocent Brendon, was going to be tortured and drugged and raped and-- and-- he was smiling?
"Ryan!" he exclaimed, bouncing over to the bed. "Thank god you're awake and -- what's wrong?"
"Brendon, please, I want to go home. I don't like it here," I whimpered. I didn't care that I sounded pathetic. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Brendon sat on the edge of the bed and cocked his head to one side.
"How come? These doctors will help you, Ryan. They're good people. You're safe here--"
"No, we're not!" I cried out, clutching the sheets, vaguely aware of the tears sliding down my cheeks.
Brendon looked sad and he glanced down at his lap.
"Ryan, you're safe here. It'll only be for one or two days. I promise."
The doctor cleared his throat and we both looked at him, as if suddenly realising he was still there.
He stared at me and I supressed the urge to spit in his face then run.
"Ryan, you have third degree burns all over your body and your knees required stitches. The... cuts on your chest were infected so we cleaned them up and bandaged them. You will need to clean them twice a day, and apply the cream for your burns once in the morning and once at night. I would suggest when bathing that you don't have water directly hitting the burns. It would be best to just go over them with a damp, clean cloth or something of the sort," he explained and I wasn't really listening; just checking his teeth for fangs.
"You got all that, Ry?" Brendon asked and I glanced at him.
"Uh, yeah. I guess. Can I go home now? Please?"
The doctor shook his head.
"You can go in two to three days, Ryan."
I stared up at him and shook my head slowly.
"You mean I have to stay here overnight?" I asked, trying to control the tremble in my voice.
The doctor nodded and walked away, muttering something about checking up on me later. I suddenly felt like crying again as I stared at the white sheets covering my body.
Brendon clutched my hand gently and squeezed it.
"I'll stay with you tonight if you want?" he offered.
I nodded and asked, "Will you make sure no doctors come near me while I'm asleep?"
And Brendon didn't question my request. He just smiled and said, "I'll do the best I can, Ry."
___
Ta Daaaaa! Comment.
Author: hooray4irony
Rating: NC-17 (But not this chapter)
Pairing: Ryden (later)
POV: Ryans, then Brendon's, then Ryan's again.
Summary:
I just touched myself while thinking about another guy. I was naughty and being naughty brought on punishment. But no one here would punish me.
(Continue from Part Four)
Disclaimer: I do not own. Bitches.
Beta: xojemmaxo >:(
Author Notes: ... here it is. Finally. I know. Next one will be up asap. (When I could be bothered) :) Enjoy. Sorry it's so short. But I really wasn't bothered.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Ryans POV
"Ryan?" Brendon's voice shattered the silence and echoed through the bathroom door. "Ry, you've been in there for two hours. Are you okay?"
I was curled in on myself in the far corner of the bathroom, feeling hot and sticky and dirty.
I just touched myself while thinking about another guy. I was naughty and being naughty brought on punishment. But no one here would punish me.
Brendon knocked lightly on the door again and I flinched.
"Ryan, come out of the bathroom. Tell me what's wrong."
I couldn't tell him what was wrong. He would think I was disgusting and foul. He would throw me into a boiling hot shower and scrub my skin until it was raw and bleeding. He would never want to talk to me or look at me the same again. I couldn't handle the thought of that; Brendon was pretty much the only thing holding me together, even though it made me feel sick to admit it.
"Ryan, please?"
My eyes flickered towards the shower. I could wash it all away. Wash away the guilt and the feeling of sin.
I stood up, stripping off my clothes as I walked over to the shower. I didn't dare look at my reflection in the mirror as I passed.
I ignored Brendon's knocks on the door and his words as I turned the hot water tap on as far as it would go. The water blasted from the shower head and the bathroom quickly filled with steam. The glass shower walls fogged up until I couldnt see through them. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the water, closing the screen behind me.
As soon as the boiling water hit my skin, my first instinct was to jump away. But I forced myself to bite my tongue, supressing the screams that wanted so badly to rip from my throat as I stood there. The water burned my skin and made the cuts on my chest sting even worse than when they were made. They opened up and blood washed away with the water down my torso. I placed a hand on the tiled wall and braced myself, feeling dizzy; as if I would pass out. I stood under the boiling water until my skin was red and raw.
Then I saw a loofah at the bottom of the shower, bent down and clutched at it. Breathing heavily through my nose, biting my lip until my teeth ripped through the soft skin, and trying to force the bile back down my throat at the familiarity of all this, I started to scrub roughly at my body. I couldn't help whimpering and hissing in pain as I scrubbed away the invisible dirt. I scrubbed everywhere and anywhere until my skin was bleeding and beginning to blister. Tears streamed down my cheeks, washing away with the water.
I dropped the loofah and leaned heavily against the wall, panting and sobbing. Everything was spinning and my knees felt as if they would give up on me any moment. My skin felt as if it were on fire but the sick, twisted sense of accomplishment made me smile slightly. I felt in control and as long as I punished myself enough, I wouldn't be tempted and I would be a good boy.
I turned off the tap and just stood there for a moment or two, giving myself a chance to compose myself.
I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. The skin all over my body was raw and blistering and bleeding.
I didn't bother to clean up the blood on my body and as soon as I attempted to slide my pants on, white noise filled my ears and I sat heavily on the floor as black splotches patterned my vision. I supressed the urge to cry and throw up. My head pounded horribly along with the throbbing from my burnt body.
Brendon was now pounding on the door, shouting through the wood.
"Ryan? Ryan, please come out of there."
I carefully slid the rest of my clothes on and took one last look in the mirror. Blood slowly seeped through the material and the v-neck shirt and shorts did nothing to hide the blistered and broken skin underneath. My legs and chest were in plain view and the cuts on my chest were oozing down my chest, soaking my shirt. I decided I looked like shit but didn't care.
"Ryan?" Brendon continued. He sounded frantic and guilt suddenly washed over me. But the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came.
Brendon's POV
I sat outside the locked bathroom door for over two hours, trying to convince Ryan to come out. He had just bolted in there when he woke up. My first thought was that he had had a nightmare or a flashback but now I wasn't so sure.
I heard the shower taps turn on so I waited some more. But then half an hour passed and I was getting worried. I could hear him gasping and whimpering and sobbing and I didn't know what to do. The door was locked and I wasn't sure whether to get Kate or just bash the door down. I thought about picking the lock, but as soon as I did, the door unlocked and it opened slowly.
My mouth dropped open and I felt sick when I saw his skin. I could only stare as Ryan walked out and sat on his bed, wincing before deciding he'd rather stand. He stood with his back to me.
"What... did you do?" I asked softly, my voice shaking. I walked around to stand in front of Ryan. He didn't look at me.
"Ryan, what did you do?" I tried again.
Ryan shrugged.
"I punished myself." He sounded weary and tried, his eyelids half closed. His mouth was hanging open slightly and I could hear his heavy, uneven breathing from where I was standing. Ryan looked like he was about to pass out.
"Why?"
"Because..." Ryan was having trouble talking. " No one else would."
I frowned. What the fuck?
I expressed this to Ryan. "What the fuck, Ryan?!"
He flinched and I only felt slightly bad.
"What the fuck did you do to your skin?! You don't just go and fucking burn yourself! What is going through your head, Ryan!? You look like you're about to fucking pass out and you've got fucking third degree burns all over your skin! You're bleeding and -- and I need to get Kate--"
I went to storm off but Ryan made a strangled noise and clutched my sleeve, pulling me back.
I could tell it caused his serious pain to move, but I was desperate to get to Kate.
"No!" he panted, eyes filling up with tears. "No, please! You can't tell anybody."
"Well, it's pretty hard to not notice, Ryan--"
"You can't! Please," he cried out. I'd never seen this side of Ryan before and it tore something inside of me. But I was not going to give in.
"No, Ryan. You need a hospital--"
Ryan's eyes grew wide and he ceased to breath. I thought he was going to faint until he stumbled from the bed and out the door.
"Fuck!" I cursed as I ran after him. The boy could run and by the time I reached the top of the stairs, Ryan was already stumbling off the bottom step. He was sobbing loudly and whining with each movement but he ran as fast as he could. Which was fucking fast.
I ran down the stairs, careful not to trip as I called out Ryan's name. He wasn't listening. He reached the front door and threw it open, sprinting through it. People stared as I followed him outside and down the dirt driveway.
"Ryan! Stop!" I tried, but he wasn't listening or stopping any time soon.
I ran as fast as I could, gaining on Ryan when he stumbled and fell hard on the gravel. I could hear his screams, but he didn't give up. Just scrambled to his feet to continue running.
"Ryan-- fuck! Just stop or you're going to hurt yourself even more!" I yelled and as soon as I did, Ryan fell to the ground again. But this time he stayed down.
I caught up to him and squatted down beside him.
Ryan's face was pale and he was sobbing hard and when I looked down at his knees, I saw the skin had been scraped away, covered in blood and pieces of gravel and dirt. On top of the third degree burns, I was expecting Ryan to be screaming in pain by now.
"Shit, Ryan," I muttered, feeling sick.
I bent down, carefully placing my arms around his back and underneath his knees.
Ryan moaned in pain and clutched my shirt, squeezing his eyes shut.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, lifting him into my arms.
By the time I had turned around, Kate and a few other kids were running up to me.
"Kate, call an ambulance," I called out even though my throat felt like it was constricting, and when I glanced down at Ryan, he was unconscious.
*********
Ryan's POV
I woke up and saw white walls. I felt numb all over and for a split second, I thought I was back in Pete's room. But then I turned my head and saw the needles in my arm.
I gasped and went to pull them out, but a hand came down on my wrist and gently stopped me before I could. I gasped again and looked up at the person, wondering how I didn't notice him before. He was wearing a white coat and was holding a clipboard.
I felt like crying. Pete told me that these men, 'doctors', were very bad people. They liked to torture their patients. Sometimes they didn't feed you for days, and they stuck needles in your arms to drug you. Doctors liked to 'touch' their patients while they were unconscious and manipulate them. They cut your dick off while you're drugged and they're all vampires.
"Show me your teeth," was all I could say.
The doctor's eyebrow went up and he let go of my hand gently.
"You can't take those needles out," he said. His voice was cold and emotionless.
I could feel myself panicking. My dick was going to be chopped off and he was most likely going to suck my blood. I scrambled away from him and further along the bed, cursing when the tubes connected to the needles only allowed me so far.
I searched the room frantically for an escape, and when I looked towards the door, Brendon walked through.
I felt cold dread set in my stomach. Brendon, sweet, funny, innocent Brendon, was going to be tortured and drugged and raped and-- and-- he was smiling?
"Ryan!" he exclaimed, bouncing over to the bed. "Thank god you're awake and -- what's wrong?"
"Brendon, please, I want to go home. I don't like it here," I whimpered. I didn't care that I sounded pathetic. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Brendon sat on the edge of the bed and cocked his head to one side.
"How come? These doctors will help you, Ryan. They're good people. You're safe here--"
"No, we're not!" I cried out, clutching the sheets, vaguely aware of the tears sliding down my cheeks.
Brendon looked sad and he glanced down at his lap.
"Ryan, you're safe here. It'll only be for one or two days. I promise."
The doctor cleared his throat and we both looked at him, as if suddenly realising he was still there.
He stared at me and I supressed the urge to spit in his face then run.
"Ryan, you have third degree burns all over your body and your knees required stitches. The... cuts on your chest were infected so we cleaned them up and bandaged them. You will need to clean them twice a day, and apply the cream for your burns once in the morning and once at night. I would suggest when bathing that you don't have water directly hitting the burns. It would be best to just go over them with a damp, clean cloth or something of the sort," he explained and I wasn't really listening; just checking his teeth for fangs.
"You got all that, Ry?" Brendon asked and I glanced at him.
"Uh, yeah. I guess. Can I go home now? Please?"
The doctor shook his head.
"You can go in two to three days, Ryan."
I stared up at him and shook my head slowly.
"You mean I have to stay here overnight?" I asked, trying to control the tremble in my voice.
The doctor nodded and walked away, muttering something about checking up on me later. I suddenly felt like crying again as I stared at the white sheets covering my body.
Brendon clutched my hand gently and squeezed it.
"I'll stay with you tonight if you want?" he offered.
I nodded and asked, "Will you make sure no doctors come near me while I'm asleep?"
And Brendon didn't question my request. He just smiled and said, "I'll do the best I can, Ry."
___
Ta Daaaaa! Comment.