Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 04:03:26 UTC
Howard stiffens at first at Zouichi's arm, then turns into the hug. There's still only so much he'll trust Zouichi with, but he's certain at this moment that Zouichi is trying to hold by his belief in protecting others. Zou couldn't protect him before and if shielding him from dealing with this alone is the most he can do for Howard now, Howard will accept that.
He's shakes and holds back the urge to cry. It's difficult to acknowledge, deep down, how leaving the FAYZ hasn't turned anything back to normal. It's impossible to walk away and forget. It's partly that shared background that brought him to living with Albert, as much as they loathe each other. Albert won't judge when he walks in on Howard eating pieces of paper and Howard can't judge when he finds Albert turning the faucet on and off for half an hour just to make sure the water's still there. Amazed at every drop that pours into the sink.
"Yeah. Yeah, it...it sucked." Obviously. He pulls away, putting the pillow down on the floor, and runs a hand over his face. "Can we-"
He stops. That sounds too dependent, like asking permission. "I'm going to the mess hall to make sure the food's still there."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 11:24:27 UTC
For all that Zouichi was created to protect humanity, he still can't really fix what's wrong with them. He can only safeguard their lives; he can't make them feel better when they're afraid, or put them back together when they stand at the sink, washing their hands for hours. But he can at least make sure that Howard has someone to listen to him if he wants to be heard.
He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 12:39:14 UTC
"It's the gloop or the slop. Not the glop," Howard corrects, looking for a pair of shoes to wear. He's glad Zouichi's coming with him; he wouldn't be able to find the neediness to ask. More than that, he's glad that Zou hasn't pointed out like everyone does that Stacy is unlikely to just stop feeding everyone. He can't take feeling any more that these fears are unfounded. "And you have to try it. You can't just back out as soon as you see what it looks like."
He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 13:57:30 UTC
"Gloop, glop; don't be so picky about your onomatopoeia. It all tastes the same going down." He pauses, waiting for Howard to find his shoes. "Ugh, why do I have to try it? Everyone keeps telling me it tastes like wet cat food. Besides, isn't it generated based on what the ship thinks your nutritional needs are? It might not even give me anything."
Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:18:44 UTC
Howard snorts. "Yeah, right, spoken like people who've never eaten wet cat food. It's a little like Jello without the flavoring. It's not that bad, really. We ate way worse back home. You can try mine if it doesn't give you anything."
He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 17:28:41 UTC
Zouichi nods; he thinks about offering to lock the door for Howard, but... no. He follows Howard instead, keeping stride beside him.
Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:58:59 UTC
Howard doesn't rise to the banter, instead just shooting Zouichi a look that says tonight may not be the best night to make fun of Howard's lack of generosity. Besides, Zouichi probably doesn't realize how loath Howard will be to actually part with the slop. For all the teasing, he had actually been trying to do something friendly. "Whatever. A...puddle of blood? Seriously? Gross."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 18:34:36 UTC
Okay, point taken.
"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 18:53:16 UTC
"You know your life is insane when you're talking about the vocabulary of an intelligent pool of blood. You just know it."
He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 19:31:02 UTC
"I'm just saying, it's not like people don't just randomly disappear. Here and back home. So yeah, maybe you will disappear tomorrow, and then what? Or yeah, maybe there's a limit to how much I did back there that you can give a pass to, then what?"
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 19:36:49 UTC
What exactly had Howard done, back in the FAYZ, that he had to worry about how much Zouichi could 'give a pass to'?
"Maybe. But... I don't know. Maybe you'll feel better if you tell someone. Even if I do disappear." He pauses. "Anyway, what do you care if I disapprove of you?"
Howard's never really given Zouichi the impression that he harbors much actual guilt about his past actions.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 19:52:38 UTC
"Why's it weird that I care what you think? Oh, I forgot. One-sided friendships are totally what every growing teen needs," he says bitterly. "Nevermind. I didn't do anything awful."
He's shakes and holds back the urge to cry. It's difficult to acknowledge, deep down, how leaving the FAYZ hasn't turned anything back to normal. It's impossible to walk away and forget. It's partly that shared background that brought him to living with Albert, as much as they loathe each other. Albert won't judge when he walks in on Howard eating pieces of paper and Howard can't judge when he finds Albert turning the faucet on and off for half an hour just to make sure the water's still there. Amazed at every drop that pours into the sink.
"Yeah. Yeah, it...it sucked." Obviously. He pulls away, putting the pillow down on the floor, and runs a hand over his face. "Can we-"
He stops. That sounds too dependent, like asking permission. "I'm going to the mess hall to make sure the food's still there."
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He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
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He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
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Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
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He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
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Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
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"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
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He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
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"And sure, I don't like them. But I'm still here. And who said you have to tell it to me all at once? Do you think I'm going somewhere tomorrow?"
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Then he falls silent as well; he doesn't want to push Howard on this.
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"Maybe. But... I don't know. Maybe you'll feel better if you tell someone. Even if I do disappear." He pauses. "Anyway, what do you care if I disapprove of you?"
Howard's never really given Zouichi the impression that he harbors much actual guilt about his past actions.
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There's a long pause. "...are we friends?"
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