Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 03:06:40 UTC
Howard would disagree with any of that. There've been quite a few times he's fantasized meeting his parents again, or his teachers, or the security guard at local arcade or the gangly teenager that sold him M-rated videogames without an ID, and asking them how it was that they could dare leave all of their kids and students and customers behind. Where did they go? How did they expect the people left in the FAYZ to defend themselves? But obviously, people who aren't there to yell at are always the easiest people to blame, the easiest to pretend didn't have a valid excuse. In some ways it's easier to pretend the adults all left willingly so there was a target to blame everything on.
He bites his lip. "I mean, possible imminent death didn't help. Obviously. Just...cannibalism happened in the FAYZ. I didn't do it but this guy we used to hang out with killed himself and the group he was with ate the body, and I know he wasn't the only one. And with the zekes and the coyotes and, and raptors and, I don't know, eating human flesh really freaks me out these days and when Anwei had her big diva fit I could tell she did it, or something close to it. And I don't know. I don't know, Zou."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 03:26:21 UTC
Zouichi... really shouldn't be surprised to hear that cannibalism was a part of the FAYZ, but he is anyway. They were starving, no doubt. Dying. It's a horror he himself will never quite understand; he doesn't need to eat like humans do.
He doesn't ask how Howard knew, but he had his suspicions about Anwei, too. Anwei isn't human, but sometimes it's easy to forget that because of how human she appears, how engaging she can be compared to himself -- he's fairly sure that she's more convincing a student of human behavior than he'll ever be. But that bright half-moon smile of chiseled teeth...
"I'm sorry," he says, and because he doesn't know what else to do, Zouichi puts one arm around Howard in an awkward half-hug. "It shouldn't have happened. I'm... sorry."
Sorry that Howard had to go through what he had. Sorry that someone hadn't been there to take charge, to make sure everyone was fed and safe. Sorry that he hadn't been there, as ridiculous as that sounded.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 04:03:26 UTC
Howard stiffens at first at Zouichi's arm, then turns into the hug. There's still only so much he'll trust Zouichi with, but he's certain at this moment that Zouichi is trying to hold by his belief in protecting others. Zou couldn't protect him before and if shielding him from dealing with this alone is the most he can do for Howard now, Howard will accept that.
He's shakes and holds back the urge to cry. It's difficult to acknowledge, deep down, how leaving the FAYZ hasn't turned anything back to normal. It's impossible to walk away and forget. It's partly that shared background that brought him to living with Albert, as much as they loathe each other. Albert won't judge when he walks in on Howard eating pieces of paper and Howard can't judge when he finds Albert turning the faucet on and off for half an hour just to make sure the water's still there. Amazed at every drop that pours into the sink.
"Yeah. Yeah, it...it sucked." Obviously. He pulls away, putting the pillow down on the floor, and runs a hand over his face. "Can we-"
He stops. That sounds too dependent, like asking permission. "I'm going to the mess hall to make sure the food's still there."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 11:24:27 UTC
For all that Zouichi was created to protect humanity, he still can't really fix what's wrong with them. He can only safeguard their lives; he can't make them feel better when they're afraid, or put them back together when they stand at the sink, washing their hands for hours. But he can at least make sure that Howard has someone to listen to him if he wants to be heard.
He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 12:39:14 UTC
"It's the gloop or the slop. Not the glop," Howard corrects, looking for a pair of shoes to wear. He's glad Zouichi's coming with him; he wouldn't be able to find the neediness to ask. More than that, he's glad that Zou hasn't pointed out like everyone does that Stacy is unlikely to just stop feeding everyone. He can't take feeling any more that these fears are unfounded. "And you have to try it. You can't just back out as soon as you see what it looks like."
He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 13:57:30 UTC
"Gloop, glop; don't be so picky about your onomatopoeia. It all tastes the same going down." He pauses, waiting for Howard to find his shoes. "Ugh, why do I have to try it? Everyone keeps telling me it tastes like wet cat food. Besides, isn't it generated based on what the ship thinks your nutritional needs are? It might not even give me anything."
Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:18:44 UTC
Howard snorts. "Yeah, right, spoken like people who've never eaten wet cat food. It's a little like Jello without the flavoring. It's not that bad, really. We ate way worse back home. You can try mine if it doesn't give you anything."
He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 17:28:41 UTC
Zouichi nods; he thinks about offering to lock the door for Howard, but... no. He follows Howard instead, keeping stride beside him.
Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:58:59 UTC
Howard doesn't rise to the banter, instead just shooting Zouichi a look that says tonight may not be the best night to make fun of Howard's lack of generosity. Besides, Zouichi probably doesn't realize how loath Howard will be to actually part with the slop. For all the teasing, he had actually been trying to do something friendly. "Whatever. A...puddle of blood? Seriously? Gross."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 18:34:36 UTC
Okay, point taken.
"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 18:53:16 UTC
"You know your life is insane when you're talking about the vocabulary of an intelligent pool of blood. You just know it."
He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 19:31:02 UTC
"I'm just saying, it's not like people don't just randomly disappear. Here and back home. So yeah, maybe you will disappear tomorrow, and then what? Or yeah, maybe there's a limit to how much I did back there that you can give a pass to, then what?"
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 19:36:49 UTC
What exactly had Howard done, back in the FAYZ, that he had to worry about how much Zouichi could 'give a pass to'?
"Maybe. But... I don't know. Maybe you'll feel better if you tell someone. Even if I do disappear." He pauses. "Anyway, what do you care if I disapprove of you?"
Howard's never really given Zouichi the impression that he harbors much actual guilt about his past actions.
He bites his lip. "I mean, possible imminent death didn't help. Obviously. Just...cannibalism happened in the FAYZ. I didn't do it but this guy we used to hang out with killed himself and the group he was with ate the body, and I know he wasn't the only one. And with the zekes and the coyotes and, and raptors and, I don't know, eating human flesh really freaks me out these days and when Anwei had her big diva fit I could tell she did it, or something close to it. And I don't know. I don't know, Zou."
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He doesn't ask how Howard knew, but he had his suspicions about Anwei, too. Anwei isn't human, but sometimes it's easy to forget that because of how human she appears, how engaging she can be compared to himself -- he's fairly sure that she's more convincing a student of human behavior than he'll ever be. But that bright half-moon smile of chiseled teeth...
"I'm sorry," he says, and because he doesn't know what else to do, Zouichi puts one arm around Howard in an awkward half-hug. "It shouldn't have happened. I'm... sorry."
Sorry that Howard had to go through what he had. Sorry that someone hadn't been there to take charge, to make sure everyone was fed and safe. Sorry that he hadn't been there, as ridiculous as that sounded.
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He's shakes and holds back the urge to cry. It's difficult to acknowledge, deep down, how leaving the FAYZ hasn't turned anything back to normal. It's impossible to walk away and forget. It's partly that shared background that brought him to living with Albert, as much as they loathe each other. Albert won't judge when he walks in on Howard eating pieces of paper and Howard can't judge when he finds Albert turning the faucet on and off for half an hour just to make sure the water's still there. Amazed at every drop that pours into the sink.
"Yeah. Yeah, it...it sucked." Obviously. He pulls away, putting the pillow down on the floor, and runs a hand over his face. "Can we-"
He stops. That sounds too dependent, like asking permission. "I'm going to the mess hall to make sure the food's still there."
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He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
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He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
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Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
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He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
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Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
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"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
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He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
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"And sure, I don't like them. But I'm still here. And who said you have to tell it to me all at once? Do you think I'm going somewhere tomorrow?"
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Then he falls silent as well; he doesn't want to push Howard on this.
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"Maybe. But... I don't know. Maybe you'll feel better if you tell someone. Even if I do disappear." He pauses. "Anyway, what do you care if I disapprove of you?"
Howard's never really given Zouichi the impression that he harbors much actual guilt about his past actions.
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