the worst type
"That's the worst type! Those who are religious and insist on preaching to you."
That describes me. And those are my mother's words. That really hurts. My mother describes me as the "worst type" of religious person. I don't know if she's stupid or insensitive... or maybe my mother just... doesn't... know... me.
But that's not even the worst part. Yes, it hurts that my mother doesn't know me or how big a deal God is to me. The actual worst part is that she's going to hell. My whole family who strongly and openly endorse that statement... they have defied God, denied God... and they'll be going to hell! Goodbye family, thank you mother for giving birth to me, but now you're no longer my family. You've chosen to not follow or even listen to Jesus' words. All of you.
It's not that I haven't tried. I've completely explained to you the truths about salvation. About God's forgiving love. You've even admitted it, being a parent yourself, how self-sacrificial a parent's love is. But you hold on to your grudges. You refuse to forgive. I'm a weak person too, mother. Will you forever hold a grudge against me?
I cried in church today, remembering all this. I ran out of church early because Rachel called. And then I cried some more. I'll never be strong enough. I don't have faith in myself. If my loved ones don't have faith in me, who will? God will. That is the only thing I can hang on to. But that gets difficult to believe when I'm forever disappointing God.
That describes me. And those are my mother's words. That really hurts. My mother describes me as the "worst type" of religious person. I don't know if she's stupid or insensitive... or maybe my mother just... doesn't... know... me.
But that's not even the worst part. Yes, it hurts that my mother doesn't know me or how big a deal God is to me. The actual worst part is that she's going to hell. My whole family who strongly and openly endorse that statement... they have defied God, denied God... and they'll be going to hell! Goodbye family, thank you mother for giving birth to me, but now you're no longer my family. You've chosen to not follow or even listen to Jesus' words. All of you.
It's not that I haven't tried. I've completely explained to you the truths about salvation. About God's forgiving love. You've even admitted it, being a parent yourself, how self-sacrificial a parent's love is. But you hold on to your grudges. You refuse to forgive. I'm a weak person too, mother. Will you forever hold a grudge against me?
I cried in church today, remembering all this. I ran out of church early because Rachel called. And then I cried some more. I'll never be strong enough. I don't have faith in myself. If my loved ones don't have faith in me, who will? God will. That is the only thing I can hang on to. But that gets difficult to believe when I'm forever disappointing God.