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Recently, I've had a wonderful little struggle with my "dark side". It really isn't a dark side so much as it's a monster that threatens to swallow me whole when it hits. If you read this here little bloggy thing, you are aware that my sister passed away. This didn't hit me until about the beggining of July. While I was home, I was given a hero's welcome. People just came by my dad's shop to say hi to me. It really boosted ye olde self esteem. Several people commented on the changes I have made to make myself better person. Again, a nice ego boost. Hell, some even suggested I move back to PA! The week after the funeral was nice. I made some ammends with my family and they did the same with me. It seems they realize they made some serious mistakes in raising me and are feeling remorse for thier actions. I forgave my father years ago, but it was on this trip that I finally forgave my mother. At the end of the week a friend from Michigan came to meet the family and be there for me if needed. For whatever reason, the death of my sister didn't really affect me while home. Once back here though, holy shit. I sank into a pretty deep depression that I'm only now clawing my way out of. There were several things that contributed to this but that death is the root cause. I miss her. I miss her alot. In order to deal with this as best I can, I've decided to write about her.
My sister Kelly was born on April 27, 1972. She was a cute little thing. I was happy to have a sister. I remember that she cried alot as a baby. She also sucked her thumb. She sucked her thumb even in adulthood when things got rough. It was always her coping mechanism. When we were kids we would play together and eventually fight each other. I was often left in charge and we would make popcorn and fight alot. She had a speech problem in her youth that sort of made her an outcast. My parents got her some help with that but she would still call me "Simmy" sometimes, just to make me laugh. I wasn't her brother either, I was her brawa. She struggled in school before she conquered her speech problem, but she never gave up. Once in middle school she thrived. She made some really good friends (many of them came to her funeral, grand total of over 200 in attendence). She and I usually got along. We looked out for each other. After I graduated and left for the Army, she wrote me alot. I made it home for her graduation from high school. I missed her graduation from higher education though. Anyway, she took a job working for Marriot. She became an event co-ordinator. She used to get a kick out of the annual Star Trek convention. She would even dress up for the first day just for kicks. She was a very giving person. She was all about family and tried many times to get my parents and I to put aside our differences and just get along. She was so happy the day my father and I started getting along. She was always proud of me and my accomplishments. When the shit hit the fan, she was there to comfort me and help me get through it. When she got married, she was happy that I came and didn't cause a rukus. I was just happy to see her happy. She wanted to have a family so badly. She knew she had to be careful because of being diabetic. She went to the doctor before trying to get pregnant and got their advice. She did everything right during her pregnancy, watching her diet and sugar levels at all times. When she went into the hospital to have her baby three months early, she was the one who put me at ease. She was such an awesome person. When her "accident" happened after delivering a tiny baby girl I was crushed. She was in a coma never to truely wake up. After 8 1/2 years she finally left this world. I still miss her. She was kind. She had great morals. She would have been a great mother. It was awe inspiring to see the number of people who came to her funeral. She touched so many people in her life and was loved by them all. I wish I could be more like her.
My sister Kelly was born on April 27, 1972. She was a cute little thing. I was happy to have a sister. I remember that she cried alot as a baby. She also sucked her thumb. She sucked her thumb even in adulthood when things got rough. It was always her coping mechanism. When we were kids we would play together and eventually fight each other. I was often left in charge and we would make popcorn and fight alot. She had a speech problem in her youth that sort of made her an outcast. My parents got her some help with that but she would still call me "Simmy" sometimes, just to make me laugh. I wasn't her brother either, I was her brawa. She struggled in school before she conquered her speech problem, but she never gave up. Once in middle school she thrived. She made some really good friends (many of them came to her funeral, grand total of over 200 in attendence). She and I usually got along. We looked out for each other. After I graduated and left for the Army, she wrote me alot. I made it home for her graduation from high school. I missed her graduation from higher education though. Anyway, she took a job working for Marriot. She became an event co-ordinator. She used to get a kick out of the annual Star Trek convention. She would even dress up for the first day just for kicks. She was a very giving person. She was all about family and tried many times to get my parents and I to put aside our differences and just get along. She was so happy the day my father and I started getting along. She was always proud of me and my accomplishments. When the shit hit the fan, she was there to comfort me and help me get through it. When she got married, she was happy that I came and didn't cause a rukus. I was just happy to see her happy. She wanted to have a family so badly. She knew she had to be careful because of being diabetic. She went to the doctor before trying to get pregnant and got their advice. She did everything right during her pregnancy, watching her diet and sugar levels at all times. When she went into the hospital to have her baby three months early, she was the one who put me at ease. She was such an awesome person. When her "accident" happened after delivering a tiny baby girl I was crushed. She was in a coma never to truely wake up. After 8 1/2 years she finally left this world. I still miss her. She was kind. She had great morals. She would have been a great mother. It was awe inspiring to see the number of people who came to her funeral. She touched so many people in her life and was loved by them all. I wish I could be more like her.