Aaron's Psalm

Jun 03, 2008 00:37


For those of you who missed last sunday's church service, here is a sneak peek into a small section of the sermon. Teared quite a bit when the first part was being read. It was almost just like what I am going through.

"Aaron's Psalm

Life as a student is not easy, you know. There is a lot of pressure, especially these days when everybody wants to become an investment banker. I study so hard, cram in the library until late, then pray hard before exams but sometimes it's only a B-. Again. My dad is disappointed. I myself am disappointed.

I think life would be better if I had a boyfriend. Ever since I realized that I was gay, with 15, I have been looking for a boyfriend. Eight years spent searching. I tried everything: I tried fridae.com. Met up with a few guys who sent me hearts - but turned out they only wanted sex. Been to Towel Club a few times; met this really nice guy there, but after the sex, when I wanted to talk, he said he had to go. And the number he gave me wasn't working. At school, the other gays are so girl - which is ok, but not for me. In my cell group, almost everybody's coupled up - and the ones that are still single are more SPGs.

I tried praying. In fact, I have prayed for a boyfriend for years and years. But nothing.

Are you there God? Are you listening? Don't you want me to be happy? Does you silence mean there is something wrong with me? Sometimes I begin to wonder whether God really exists. Others tell me stories how they have experienced him, but for me - he just doesn't seem to be there for me.

David's Psalm

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Aaron's Psalm Part 2

I've been thinking. There are worse things than being single. People starve. They suffer. They are being killed. And here I am, in cosy Singapore, desperately looking for Mr Right. I am so blessed. With my family - yes they nag and they question me (especially during Chinese New Year) but they love me. Feed me. Pay for my education. And I love them too. My cell group. We're having so much fun, but more importantly -  I can tell them everything. All my doubts about God, my questions, my cries for help. We call them prayer requests, but really they are cries for help. Advice. Understanding.

And... ok, I met somebody. A friend of a friend. At a birthday party. Very cute, a student too. We'll go and watch "Sex And The City" together next week. Let's see how it goes. I'll take it slow this time. Don't expect too much. Time will tell. (Yay!)

JT's Psalm Part 1

My Psalm is not quite exactly like Aaron's but very very similar in many ways (changes in bold):

Life as a student is not easy, you know. There is a lot of pressure, especially these days when everybody wants to become an investment banker. I study so hard, cram in the library until late, then pray hard before exams but sometimes it's only a B-. Again. I myself am disappointed. And sometimes, I doubt my intellectual capabilities. "Am I stupid?", I ask myself.

I think life would be better if I had a boyfriend. Ever since I realized that I was gay, with 15, I have been looking for a boyfriend. Seven years spent searching. I tried everything: I tried fridae.com. Met up with a few guys who sent me hearts - but turned out they only wanted sex. Been to Towel Club a few times; met this really nice guy there, but after the sex, when I wanted to talk, he said he had to go. And the number he gave me wasn't working. And not to mention, I meet all sorts of wierd guys. I do not think I am being picky, cos even my friends agree that they are wierd! At school, the other gays are not very friendly. They tend to stick to their clique very very closely, and not let anybody in. And for my cell group, I just do not think that it is a good idea to be dating someone within my cell group? What if we break up? And I do think there will be a conflict of interests. And no offence to the friends in my cell group, but they are not my type. And I doubt I am their type as well.

I tried praying. In fact, I have prayed for a boyfriend for years and years. But nothing.

Are you there God? Are you listening? Don't you want me to be happy? Does you silence mean there is something wrong with me? Sometimes I begin to wonder whether God really exists. Others tell me stories how they have experienced him, but for me - he just doesn't seem to be there for me.

JT's Psalm Part 2

I've been thinking. Maybe God just wants me to concentrate on my studies for now. My parents work very hard to pay for my education. And I need a good job after graduation to repay them the amount. They need the money for their retirement. I always use this to push myself harder in school. At least, the quantitative modules are over. I should be able to score better in my last year.

My cell group. We're having so much fun, but more importantly -  I can tell them everything. All my doubts about God, my questions, my cries for help. We call them prayer requests, but really they are cries for help. Advice. Understanding.

I am not sure when I will meet someone nice. I really want to share my life with a special person, mutually. Clubbing almost ceases to be a novelty for me. The guys I met there are just not boyfriend-material. I only go simply because of the music and the company of friends.

I want peace and I want a brotherly-like kind of love that I can shower my love and concern on.

God, when will you grant me my wish?
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