Stuff in life
I seem to only post on my journal when things are going wrong in my life. Ive told pretty everyone about Phil, the guy i've been seeing for the past three months. Up until two weeks ago, everything was great between us, I really could not have asked for a greater guy in both as a friend or as a lover. However, he is busy as sin with only 1 day off a week, which is Monday, and very rarely does he actually get his wednesday evening off, we have usually very little time together. A couple weeks ago, a friend of his, a guy friend, came back from the states who he hadn't seen in a year and after that, everything has changed. He was acting different and distant, and he said that he was having a hard time with everything in his life; that he was trying to find a balance with his social life and his work life. That he never had any time for his friends anymore, which was true, because whenever he had free time, I was always with him; which is not fair. So I had suggested that if he needed more time to himself for whatever, I didn't mind backing off a bit and he was extreamly floored and thankful for me being so mature which was grattifying to me.
Anyway, last night was his 29th birthday party, he went out drinking. The thing that got me so angry, was the past few days, I hadn't heard anything from him, and on sunday night after I had to text him asking how his day was, all I got was, day was good, how was yours, just jumping in the shower to go out. I was livid. Not only had he not bothered to even text me over the past few days, but he didn't even invite me out with him. I got angry, I didn't say anything mean, but he knew I was angry at him, and he back tracked saying that he had been flying off of his feet for the past couple days and that on saturday night he had gone fishing but forgot his cell at home and he did have intentions of calling me that night but when he got back it was too late. So I dont know if he's telling the truth, or if that was made up. He added as well that he knows that he hasn't kept 'intouch' as much as he should. SHOULD, he should WANT to keep in contact with me, not fucking SHOULD.
So i'm at a toss up, I dont know what to do. A few people who have been there from the beginning have said that there is something else behind it, cause he knows that I dont really know his friends and I dont really like to go out and get pissed like he does and I can't hold my alcohol like he can, so there is that, and he very rarely gets to see his friends, so I could see him wanting to have a night with his buddies. But the thing is, i'm positive that there were girls there from work, so my thing is, my trust with him has gone down completely. I'm used to him going out every sunday night and being around women, and i've always had the utmost trust in him, but now, that trust is gone. So I really dont know what to do right now. Do I leave it for a few days and calm down before I do or say something that I am going to regret, because there could be a very good reason as to why he wanted to go alone, or do I just throw in the towel now and walk away.
Taking this all into account, I felt like shit last night and wouldn't have gone out anyway, if he would have asked me. But its the fact that he didn't that really gets me, and makes me angry. But he could also be thinking, that because I dont like to go out and that since he goes out every sunday night and i've never made an issue of it, that tonight wouldn't make any difference.
I think, the only thing that I can do right now, is leave it for a couple days and make him come to me. If he doesn't even bother texting me, then I will have my answer. Even though it makes me so sick to think of him not wanting me.
Anyway, last night was his 29th birthday party, he went out drinking. The thing that got me so angry, was the past few days, I hadn't heard anything from him, and on sunday night after I had to text him asking how his day was, all I got was, day was good, how was yours, just jumping in the shower to go out. I was livid. Not only had he not bothered to even text me over the past few days, but he didn't even invite me out with him. I got angry, I didn't say anything mean, but he knew I was angry at him, and he back tracked saying that he had been flying off of his feet for the past couple days and that on saturday night he had gone fishing but forgot his cell at home and he did have intentions of calling me that night but when he got back it was too late. So I dont know if he's telling the truth, or if that was made up. He added as well that he knows that he hasn't kept 'intouch' as much as he should. SHOULD, he should WANT to keep in contact with me, not fucking SHOULD.
So i'm at a toss up, I dont know what to do. A few people who have been there from the beginning have said that there is something else behind it, cause he knows that I dont really know his friends and I dont really like to go out and get pissed like he does and I can't hold my alcohol like he can, so there is that, and he very rarely gets to see his friends, so I could see him wanting to have a night with his buddies. But the thing is, i'm positive that there were girls there from work, so my thing is, my trust with him has gone down completely. I'm used to him going out every sunday night and being around women, and i've always had the utmost trust in him, but now, that trust is gone. So I really dont know what to do right now. Do I leave it for a few days and calm down before I do or say something that I am going to regret, because there could be a very good reason as to why he wanted to go alone, or do I just throw in the towel now and walk away.
Taking this all into account, I felt like shit last night and wouldn't have gone out anyway, if he would have asked me. But its the fact that he didn't that really gets me, and makes me angry. But he could also be thinking, that because I dont like to go out and that since he goes out every sunday night and i've never made an issue of it, that tonight wouldn't make any difference.
I think, the only thing that I can do right now, is leave it for a couple days and make him come to me. If he doesn't even bother texting me, then I will have my answer. Even though it makes me so sick to think of him not wanting me.