I've got lots to think about.
So I've come to a sort of hypothesis about certain bizarre ways in which my brain has lately begun to function. It appears to me that once I reach a certain level of emotional distress (ie, really having a crying, nervous breakdown freakout) the chemicals that are coursing through my brain at that point make me literally delusional. This makes me basically not a whole lot healthier (or safer) than someone who is full-on schizophrenic since it means I will do completely irrational (and barely conceivable) things during such a state. I do not really feel safe living alone right now. Unfortunately, there are also others who don't really feel safe about the idea, either. It's a shitty way to treat your friends, for sure, and if concern for my own safety isn't enough, I at least get to feel really horrible for making those who love me work over time.
Today I went with Tony to Atlanta to look at a truck he's buying. We went by to visit a friend of mine from high school that I had found on MySpace. We had a mutual friend - I was actually institutionalized with him on the same ward at the same time at "Valley Institute of Psychiatry" when I was 14. My friend then dated him for quite some time later on. Turns out he became more and more bizarrely paranoid and manipulative and fucked up and strange... to make a long story short, last year (or maybe two years ago) he shot himself in his truck (not a diesel) behind a popular truck stop in my home town. They didn't find him for 10 days. He had duct-taped comforters up all over the inside of the truck to cover all the windows.
I shudder to think how long he sat in there all duct-taped away from the world, thinking, obsessing, polishing his gun....
Today I went with Tony to Atlanta to look at a truck he's buying. We went by to visit a friend of mine from high school that I had found on MySpace. We had a mutual friend - I was actually institutionalized with him on the same ward at the same time at "Valley Institute of Psychiatry" when I was 14. My friend then dated him for quite some time later on. Turns out he became more and more bizarrely paranoid and manipulative and fucked up and strange... to make a long story short, last year (or maybe two years ago) he shot himself in his truck (not a diesel) behind a popular truck stop in my home town. They didn't find him for 10 days. He had duct-taped comforters up all over the inside of the truck to cover all the windows.
I shudder to think how long he sat in there all duct-taped away from the world, thinking, obsessing, polishing his gun....