I don't know why this comment from Steph came to my e-mail but didn't post to my entry.
"Subject: I am only saying this because I genuinely care about you.
Although livejournal does not seem like an appropriate forum...
Accidentally taking a shitload of perscription pills is not an accident. It is not cute or funny. It's a drug problem. Get help. It might be too late for them to pump your stomach now, but you really should go to a hospital, just to make sure nothing else can happen.
Why didn't/doesn't John take you to the hospital?
I'm beginning to think everybody named John sucks.
Please take care of yourself, Sarah, I am genuinely concerned."
So what I wanted to say is that you are 100% right. I am very concerned. This is a very bad place I'm in up here, and I'm having a very hard time figuring out what to do about it. When I say I'm not suicidal, it's because honestly, I very much love myself and enjoy the hell out of being me. Even when I'm at my absolute lowest and depressed, I still feel like I'm one of the happiest people I know. I have no conscious desire to end my life or harm myself in any way. That doesn't, of course, excuse my atrociously dangerous and careless behavior. That's always been a problem of mine. I'm not good at thinking ahead. I have a strong tendency to put myself in harmful situations (like, really depressed, drunk off my ass, and with lots of pills laying around.) All I can say is I'm trying to get better about such things. I'm just kind of an idiot in that way. I'm very sorry for all the concern I cause the people I care about. And, of course, I do appreciate the concern and all the advice. I promise you that no one can ever say anything to me that I will take offense to or get defensive about. I know the people who love me have only good intentions, and I really do take all suggestions very seriously. I just wish I had more of a direct connection between what I think is rational and preferable and what I just sort of do without thinking about it. I'm very sorry for when I'm a fuck up. (for what it's worth) And all I can say is - it may not seem like it, but I swear I'm doing the best I can. Sometimes I'm an idiot.
But sometimes I'm really smart, too, right?
Anyway, I love you guys. I think things will be better when I get home.
Although livejournal does not seem like an appropriate forum...
Accidentally taking a shitload of perscription pills is not an accident. It is not cute or funny. It's a drug problem. Get help. It might be too late for them to pump your stomach now, but you really should go to a hospital, just to make sure nothing else can happen.
Why didn't/doesn't John take you to the hospital?
I'm beginning to think everybody named John sucks.
Please take care of yourself, Sarah, I am genuinely concerned."
So what I wanted to say is that you are 100% right. I am very concerned. This is a very bad place I'm in up here, and I'm having a very hard time figuring out what to do about it. When I say I'm not suicidal, it's because honestly, I very much love myself and enjoy the hell out of being me. Even when I'm at my absolute lowest and depressed, I still feel like I'm one of the happiest people I know. I have no conscious desire to end my life or harm myself in any way. That doesn't, of course, excuse my atrociously dangerous and careless behavior. That's always been a problem of mine. I'm not good at thinking ahead. I have a strong tendency to put myself in harmful situations (like, really depressed, drunk off my ass, and with lots of pills laying around.) All I can say is I'm trying to get better about such things. I'm just kind of an idiot in that way. I'm very sorry for all the concern I cause the people I care about. And, of course, I do appreciate the concern and all the advice. I promise you that no one can ever say anything to me that I will take offense to or get defensive about. I know the people who love me have only good intentions, and I really do take all suggestions very seriously. I just wish I had more of a direct connection between what I think is rational and preferable and what I just sort of do without thinking about it. I'm very sorry for when I'm a fuck up. (for what it's worth) And all I can say is - it may not seem like it, but I swear I'm doing the best I can. Sometimes I'm an idiot.
But sometimes I'm really smart, too, right?
Anyway, I love you guys. I think things will be better when I get home.