☄24. [voice - backdated several days]

[honorregained]

That virus... I can't believe that-- Never mind. I don't need to talk about it. I'm sorry, okay? I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that to anyone. ObviouslyLet's just move on. I've mentioned this to a couple people, but if anyone has any books about Earth that they wouldn't mind lending me, I'd appreciate it. I don't want anything too

Comments

[xxxing]

Tch, I'd give you something, but I'd have to buy it first, and I'm sure as hell not wasting my CP on you.

[honorregained]

Don't waste money on me if you don't have that much, this isn't that important.

[Wait, is she--] ...Are you talking to me again?

[1/3]

[xxxing]

W-well, of course I wouldn't, you stupid little shit! I just said-

[xxxing]

-that...

[3/3]

[xxxing]

... [She snarls.] Oh. That's right, huh? Sorry, it slipped my mind.

[honorregained]

No, it's-- I want you to talk to me, Minatsuki. I've been kind of worried about you.

[xxxing]

Maybe I don't wanna talk to you. Think of that, dipshit?

[That's a lie and it's not at the same time. She wants to talk to him, of course, she likes talking to him (or, at least, she did), but at the same time she doesn't want to because he turned his back on her for long enough for it to count, and she can't just let him get away with that scot-free. She has to make it understood that people can't just fuck around with her like this and expect her to wait and welcome them back with open arms. Forgiveness is not her damn forte, and it never ever will be.]

Don't worry about me, dumbass, I can fucking take care of myself. [I don't need you. I don't want you.]

[honorregained]

I did think of that. I still want to.

I know you can take care of yourself! That's not the point. I can't help it, we-- I thought we were friends. I don't have a lot of those.

[1/2]

[xxxing]

[God, he just really knows how to twist the knife, doesn't he?

She actually physically recoils at that, the first part striking - I thought we were friends (there were really people who could call her that? And they're not fucked up like she is, they know what it means, Kaito had said it, and Ganta, and Shiro, and now-) - and the second part throwing salt in the wound and making it burn - I don't have a lot of those (there's not a lot of guilt but there's enough that she was it to go away, wants to scream at him because how the fuck is that her problem, she doesn't know how to fix that and he can't say these things to her-)

The bile burns the back of her throat as she swallows it down. Is she losing something-?]

[2/2]

[xxxing]

Yeah, well, guess what? I don't have any of those. Don't want 'em, don't need 'em. Get the fuck over it.

[What can she lose if she doesn't allow herself to have it in the first place? What are friends, anyway - bad, her survival instinct provides, and she doesn't have it in her heart to push it down right now.]

[honorregained]

That doesn't matter to me. I'm used to caring more about people than they care about me - I hate it, but I'm used to it.

[He's keeping Kaito's advice in mind as he says--] I'm still your friend, no matter what you do, or however long it takes.

[xxxing]

[She thinks of Yoh, unconditional and irrevocable and - I'll love you no matter what. She thinks of Ganta, stupid Woodpecker and his stupid honest face and earnest, stupid stupid stupid words that make her twist inside and out, Kaito and his pushing and his easing and that smile that she wants to shove away and at the same time she wants it burnt into her eyelids so that she never forgets that look - and Zuko could fit in there too, couldn't he? He had. Before.]

... You all sound the fucking same. Why do you always-?

[But then she thinks of a little girl and a retreating back.

Unforgivable.]

You're not my friend. You never will be. Is that long enough for you, bastard? Go back to those shitheads that actually give a fuck about you and give up on messing with me or you'll end up dead.

[honorregained]

I'm not messing with you, and I can't let anyone kill me! I'm your friend, and I actually... I think I actually know how that works now. I won't give up.

[xxxing]

Why not? Just fuck off.

[honorregained]

Why not? Because... I'm not the kind of person that gives up, at anything. And it's worth it to keep trying if eventually we'll be real friends. Mutual friends.

[xxxing]

We won't. Not ever. Go away, you stupid son of a bitch.