i'm back
actually. i haven't been gone. but i will miss terra for two weeks at symphony because of my musical i'm playing viola for. then all-west with Mr. Dodson!! PURPLE MOO!!!! wOOt. gonna love it
also i did go get some smacks at wal-mart yesterday. those things are awesome
i don't really have much to say because it's all so personal. i don't know. i've been writing a letter to katie (which i'm gonna send soon! i promise!) and i started a new page today and had an epiphany of my own. one which i cannot share.'twould be quite imposible to tell you all about it becuase you wouldn't understand. not the way i'd tell it.
although i can say that i've been having a weird facination with death lately. I have my x-acto knife at all times with me in my purse now. "just in case i want to take my life" i told someone jokingly the other day, but i realized that i could. i never would, mind you, becuase i value my life too much. it's not for me to decide to take it away. i almost jumped out the second story window at school today. in 2nd period. life just sucks. maybe i'll tell you later, but for now. no. i definetely do know that God is taking care of me whether i realize it or not when i think of suicide, but i know i'll never be able to do it becuase of the still, small voice i have inside my head. i can barely hear it at all sometimes, but every once and a while i know it's there.
i was thinking today at lunch that i hadn't made any new year's resolutions. i think that the one i came up with about having self-control is good. and another, but i can't remember it now.
i need to go to midtown now to go to the art center. i need 4B pencils really badly. Maggie keeps using mine up. bah. whatever mags. i'm gonna try not to be as stingy this year as i was last year. i was reading in my book about a women. here's what it said about her: "She was one of those people who are stingy without motive or reason, even when they can gain nothing from it... Such little, mean natures are among the darkest and most baffling of created things. There is no law by which they can be explained. The ordinary incentives of pain and pleasure do not account for their behavior. They live like insects, absorbed by petty activities that seem to have nothing to do with any genial aspect of human life." - Willa Cather in "The Song of the Lark" (ppretend that it was italicized).
but now i must go. do not fret, but be wise. the end is near. the due date is closer than it appears.
also i did go get some smacks at wal-mart yesterday. those things are awesome
i don't really have much to say because it's all so personal. i don't know. i've been writing a letter to katie (which i'm gonna send soon! i promise!) and i started a new page today and had an epiphany of my own. one which i cannot share.'twould be quite imposible to tell you all about it becuase you wouldn't understand. not the way i'd tell it.
although i can say that i've been having a weird facination with death lately. I have my x-acto knife at all times with me in my purse now. "just in case i want to take my life" i told someone jokingly the other day, but i realized that i could. i never would, mind you, becuase i value my life too much. it's not for me to decide to take it away. i almost jumped out the second story window at school today. in 2nd period. life just sucks. maybe i'll tell you later, but for now. no. i definetely do know that God is taking care of me whether i realize it or not when i think of suicide, but i know i'll never be able to do it becuase of the still, small voice i have inside my head. i can barely hear it at all sometimes, but every once and a while i know it's there.
i was thinking today at lunch that i hadn't made any new year's resolutions. i think that the one i came up with about having self-control is good. and another, but i can't remember it now.
i need to go to midtown now to go to the art center. i need 4B pencils really badly. Maggie keeps using mine up. bah. whatever mags. i'm gonna try not to be as stingy this year as i was last year. i was reading in my book about a women. here's what it said about her: "She was one of those people who are stingy without motive or reason, even when they can gain nothing from it... Such little, mean natures are among the darkest and most baffling of created things. There is no law by which they can be explained. The ordinary incentives of pain and pleasure do not account for their behavior. They live like insects, absorbed by petty activities that seem to have nothing to do with any genial aspect of human life." - Willa Cather in "The Song of the Lark" (ppretend that it was italicized).
but now i must go. do not fret, but be wise. the end is near. the due date is closer than it appears.