Conversation

[honkeymagoo]

Ok so the following are emails I have sent and have recieved from my ex Haley. Shes currently taking a semester in Ireland. We broke up over a year ago and havn't gotten along very well since but we have tried to be friends. There have been alot of lies told in that time. She didn't call me or try to get ahold of me at all before she left for

Comments

[anonymous]

As for Heather. Why couldn't she and I be best friends if we wanted? You seem to make it sound like a bad thing everytime we even talk. Since I've been in Ireland, I have only recieved positive e-mails from Heather. She told me how happy she is and about how you told her that her marriage was a mistake. That was kinda mean. I think you should be happy that out of the 3 of us, one of us has found happiness. I am 100% happy for Heather. Maybe jealous too, but not bitter jealous.....wistful jealous that someday I will find someone to love who loves me back. Because bottom line.....that's all I want from life.....to be cherished. Not doted apon or spoiled or used....just lvoed. Heather has only been nice to me - Why wouldn't I be her friend?
I would lie if I said that the e-mail I am responding to didn't make me angry. I fucking saw red for a minute. The reason it made me angry is that I FELT like you were trying to make Heather mad at me - which would bring negativity into my life. And that's just not fair. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I know that e-mails often get misconstured. So correct me if I'm wrong. But I felt like you were trying to start a fight between Heather and me. And that hurts.
I would also be lying if I said that I didn't start out this e-mail with some anger in me, because I was upset when I first started writing this. But now I am not. Just very sad again. Hold on....I can quote that from my last e-mail to you, "I am not mad. I am just sad that we are back to this point. Very sad. Sad and confused. " So here is the full truth for the both of you: I am trying to be friends with BOTH of you. I am not lying to EITHER of you behind your backs. What do you want from me? What do I have to do to prove this to you, because you are the one who I think may doubt me. Would you like to me send all e-mails I send to Heather to you too so that you can read first hand everything I say to her so that I don't have to go through this 'she said' shit anymore? Hmmm?
When I said that you took that comment the wrong way, you SERIOUSLY DID. I admitted a FEAR to Heather, in what I thought was in confidence. I never lied to you about how I feel about you. I am HONESTLY trying to be your friend. However, yes, I DO FEAR that we won't be able to be friends like I would like because of this negativity. If this kind of accusation/retalliation=upset/resentment thing keeps on going, then I am never gonna feel like you want to be my friend. I never said that I couldn't be your friend because of negativity, I didn't give up on us, on our friendship. I said that I was afraid that it would keep us from being friends. But I've been working on eliminating that hostility/resentment/hatred...whatever it is. And it was working......we were becoming friends....until that e-mail you sent me accusing me of lying to you and shit. You didn't ASK me about the comment and try to figure out why I might feel that way, you immediately accused me of lying to you and of back-stabbing our friendship. By responding to that comment the way you did, you just gave an example of why I feel like you don't want to be my friend.....why I feel like you like hating me. And it hurts.