Disappointment and heartbreak
I think that's how you spell those words. Now after working with the mind-breaking labour that is the abstruse field of Historiography its gotten me back on that thinking train to figure out the field of academics and why I hate it so much
(Even though I can speak and write like one I find the strictures of what is essentially developing a language and exclusionary rational for the purposes of making sure you have work really shitty).
Also its gotten me an interest in defining the world around me, or also to try to get out of my robot-ish mindset, to slag people off using the internet as my medium as the British might say.
And I now see the great wonders of reading what one has previously written. That which was said previously is mostly a load of cock. One thing I am trying to reconcile at the moment is the fact that I hate people, which exists as an externally perceived notion that I have to contest (though frankly with any externally perceived notion that can be corroborated by that isn't related to a physical item is in many cases essentially true. Whether it is ultimately true becomes the real question). On further thought I can kinda see how people can see that about me, which sucks, but I would hasten to say that it stems from essentially from disappointment.
While I don't believe in many absolutes the one I like to innocently cleave to is a "human reaction scale" Basically that actions create responses which are fairly predictable. For example if I do something for someone I'd expect some sort of obligation for reciprocation at some point in the future. Or alternately if I'm treated badly for no perceived reason I will reciprocate that sentiment vociferously. This I think is the probable turning point on the affair because there is a layer of politic that has been scoured off my personality in the last years. The terrifying replacement for this milksop kindness has been a deep and abiding rage at stuff as other entries might note.
It thus comes down to a question of how to make things right. To be able to mentally put away the analysis tools of distrust and let things slide back to a virtual innocence and vulnerability. I'm just gonna set my kill counter up to 9999 for a while and tape over the reset button and see how that works out. Also I'm going to work further on idea progression and random Futurama references.
(Even though I can speak and write like one I find the strictures of what is essentially developing a language and exclusionary rational for the purposes of making sure you have work really shitty).
Also its gotten me an interest in defining the world around me, or also to try to get out of my robot-ish mindset, to slag people off using the internet as my medium as the British might say.
And I now see the great wonders of reading what one has previously written. That which was said previously is mostly a load of cock. One thing I am trying to reconcile at the moment is the fact that I hate people, which exists as an externally perceived notion that I have to contest (though frankly with any externally perceived notion that can be corroborated by that isn't related to a physical item is in many cases essentially true. Whether it is ultimately true becomes the real question). On further thought I can kinda see how people can see that about me, which sucks, but I would hasten to say that it stems from essentially from disappointment.
While I don't believe in many absolutes the one I like to innocently cleave to is a "human reaction scale" Basically that actions create responses which are fairly predictable. For example if I do something for someone I'd expect some sort of obligation for reciprocation at some point in the future. Or alternately if I'm treated badly for no perceived reason I will reciprocate that sentiment vociferously. This I think is the probable turning point on the affair because there is a layer of politic that has been scoured off my personality in the last years. The terrifying replacement for this milksop kindness has been a deep and abiding rage at stuff as other entries might note.
It thus comes down to a question of how to make things right. To be able to mentally put away the analysis tools of distrust and let things slide back to a virtual innocence and vulnerability. I'm just gonna set my kill counter up to 9999 for a while and tape over the reset button and see how that works out. Also I'm going to work further on idea progression and random Futurama references.