Alan AKA Doucheface
I haven't made a post in a while so I figured I'd start with Supreme Doucheface. That's my new name for him.
So I wake up today, enjoyed a few Saturday morning cartoons before I went out to get some errands done. I return home to make some scrumptious ramen noodly-oodly accompanied by delicious dumplings. As I'm cooking, Doucheface awakens to get his smoke on in front of the house. I'm washing all of the dishes he used and supposedly washed which was a load of rubbish because... there was hardened food on the plates and bowls. The dog catches my attention because he's kind of whining by the door.
I'm waiting for douche to take his dog out. He comes back in and heads to his room. The dog starts acting all anxious by the door so I turn down the stove and walk him for a bit.
Golden showers and giant logs everywhere.
After that, I went back to ma cookin'! Doucheface comes downstairs and leaves. He didn't even tend to his dog. I was pissed. Doucheface is too dumb and irresponsible to take care of his dog... Speaking of which, I found some shit stains on the staircase. I cleaned it up
He comes back with a sandwich from Subway and stays in the living room, reclining, chuckles with a resounding imbecilic tone at some show on CMT.
As he did that, I ate my grub.
After that, I washed all the dishes, put them away, wiped down the counter tops that had developed a layer of junk, wiped down the stove top also with junk, swept and mopped the floor, cleaned the washroom on the first floor and my bathroom. I did everything and he walked around me a couple of times without even asking if he could help. I was not looking for help, but I was seeing if he even cared about the place or cared to help.
Oooh... Fuckface. Honestly. I'm jumping to Fuckface now. This unemployed fucker does nothing at home. He either sits on the couch watching horrible reality TV, smokes at the front of the house, cooks but doesn't clean his shit completely, or sleeps. That's it! He's been home for the past two weeks without anywhere to go and he hasn't even considered cleaning up the place. I did it all within 2 hours (minus the living room and some inconsequential stuff.
What's annoying is that his clothes are in the dryer and on top of the dryer. I just threw it all on top of the dryer.
I'm tired of Fuckface.
Today, I talked to him about some things. He had to be in the most repulsive position when I went to talk to him. He was lying on the couch, with a part of his stomach exposed. It could be a provactive position... if you're into drug induced, disgusting, hairy, white trash.
I talked to him about eating my food. He fucking lied to my face. "I didn't eat your food." Let's recap: He's eaten all of my snack bars, half of my bananas, half of my bread, drank my milk, ate my fish, and whatever the fuck. When I brought that up, he didn't even try to fight me on it. That's right, fucker! Gothchu!
I told him it's okay if he asks, but he has never even asked! He just thinks it's cool like how he took up the entire garage and thought I was cool with it.
I also talked to him about washing the dishes. I told him he was leaving food on the plates and they're harder to wash now because they've been sticking to the plates for so long. I told him to make sure to get all the sides and stuff. Really, it's simple shit. HOw do you not know how to wash dishes!?
Also talked to him about walking his dog... suggested that when he goes out to smoke, he might as well take his dog out. He normally let's his dog run farther from him on his leash anyway, so I can't imagine the smoking being that much more detrimental other than the fact that he already smokes and has hung around his dog for the longest time. So... fuck it.
I didn't talk to him for a while afterward because I couldn't deal with it. I forgot to talk to him about picking up his clothes and cleaning the place every once and a while since he's without a job and sucking at life.
I'm dreading the utilities bill. If it's in the ball park of 180. I'm going have to talk to this pathetic child about turning shit off. Oh yeah, I totally forgot. I leave little... belittling messages for him.
"Turn off the (FUCKING!) fan when you leave the room."
"When you shower, stop (FUCKING!) drenching the floor. The grout's already deteriorating.(... stupid Fuckface!)"
All right. I'm done. I've got some other shit to worry about.
So I wake up today, enjoyed a few Saturday morning cartoons before I went out to get some errands done. I return home to make some scrumptious ramen noodly-oodly accompanied by delicious dumplings. As I'm cooking, Doucheface awakens to get his smoke on in front of the house. I'm washing all of the dishes he used and supposedly washed which was a load of rubbish because... there was hardened food on the plates and bowls. The dog catches my attention because he's kind of whining by the door.
I'm waiting for douche to take his dog out. He comes back in and heads to his room. The dog starts acting all anxious by the door so I turn down the stove and walk him for a bit.
Golden showers and giant logs everywhere.
After that, I went back to ma cookin'! Doucheface comes downstairs and leaves. He didn't even tend to his dog. I was pissed. Doucheface is too dumb and irresponsible to take care of his dog... Speaking of which, I found some shit stains on the staircase. I cleaned it up
He comes back with a sandwich from Subway and stays in the living room, reclining, chuckles with a resounding imbecilic tone at some show on CMT.
As he did that, I ate my grub.
After that, I washed all the dishes, put them away, wiped down the counter tops that had developed a layer of junk, wiped down the stove top also with junk, swept and mopped the floor, cleaned the washroom on the first floor and my bathroom. I did everything and he walked around me a couple of times without even asking if he could help. I was not looking for help, but I was seeing if he even cared about the place or cared to help.
Oooh... Fuckface. Honestly. I'm jumping to Fuckface now. This unemployed fucker does nothing at home. He either sits on the couch watching horrible reality TV, smokes at the front of the house, cooks but doesn't clean his shit completely, or sleeps. That's it! He's been home for the past two weeks without anywhere to go and he hasn't even considered cleaning up the place. I did it all within 2 hours (minus the living room and some inconsequential stuff.
What's annoying is that his clothes are in the dryer and on top of the dryer. I just threw it all on top of the dryer.
I'm tired of Fuckface.
Today, I talked to him about some things. He had to be in the most repulsive position when I went to talk to him. He was lying on the couch, with a part of his stomach exposed. It could be a provactive position... if you're into drug induced, disgusting, hairy, white trash.
I talked to him about eating my food. He fucking lied to my face. "I didn't eat your food." Let's recap: He's eaten all of my snack bars, half of my bananas, half of my bread, drank my milk, ate my fish, and whatever the fuck. When I brought that up, he didn't even try to fight me on it. That's right, fucker! Gothchu!
I told him it's okay if he asks, but he has never even asked! He just thinks it's cool like how he took up the entire garage and thought I was cool with it.
I also talked to him about washing the dishes. I told him he was leaving food on the plates and they're harder to wash now because they've been sticking to the plates for so long. I told him to make sure to get all the sides and stuff. Really, it's simple shit. HOw do you not know how to wash dishes!?
Also talked to him about walking his dog... suggested that when he goes out to smoke, he might as well take his dog out. He normally let's his dog run farther from him on his leash anyway, so I can't imagine the smoking being that much more detrimental other than the fact that he already smokes and has hung around his dog for the longest time. So... fuck it.
I didn't talk to him for a while afterward because I couldn't deal with it. I forgot to talk to him about picking up his clothes and cleaning the place every once and a while since he's without a job and sucking at life.
I'm dreading the utilities bill. If it's in the ball park of 180. I'm going have to talk to this pathetic child about turning shit off. Oh yeah, I totally forgot. I leave little... belittling messages for him.
"Turn off the (FUCKING!) fan when you leave the room."
"When you shower, stop (FUCKING!) drenching the floor. The grout's already deteriorating.(... stupid Fuckface!)"
All right. I'm done. I've got some other shit to worry about.