(no subject)
So I talked to Dan... two weekends ago? about this whole getting engaged business. He had to spend all. Damn. Saturday in lab working because some guy was in town, and he was the only person who knew how to do some experimenty thing so Dan had to give up half is weekend and go ~*learn things*~ from this guy and it really should have only taken a few hours but he ended up being gone ALL DAY because the guy actually turned out to kind of suck at this (he kept messing up and having to start over). /rant.
Anyhow, I sat at home all day and got all angsty about our relationship stagnating at the bf/gf stage for SIX YEARS while people that I knew in high school are busy getting engaged and married and going on honey moons and having babies. So I was in a funk when Dan FINALLY managed to escape lab and come home. We went to bed pretty early because we were both tired, and he asked me what was bothering me. I told him what I'd been feeling, that it's not fair that we love each other so much and haven't gotten married or even gotten engaged yet while other people who aren't nearly as good together have. He understands my frustration because there is literally nothing in the world that I want more.
He feels that he's under an incredible amount of pressure to make it perfect. I have no idea what his idea / his idea of my idea of perfection is. He says he's "working on it," and to wait a little longer because "it's coming." I told him I understand, that I'm frustrated, but the fact that he's thinking so hard about it mollifies me. Some, at least.
I just keep expecting him to ask. I really expected it around the holidays -- December 3rd/4th (late night/early morning) is the anniversary of the first time he told me he loved me. When we were at Disneyland after our half marathon, there were literally at least 3 separate times that I thought he was going to ask. I thought he would ask during our backpacking adventure in Yosemite last month, then again this weekend at Joshua Tree when we were hiking up to Warren Peak to watch the sunset. So you see, I keep getting my hopes up (while trying to avoid it!) only to have them go unfulfilled.
We had another discussion on Sunday night. He repeated the pressure he's feeling to make it "perfect." I told him I had no idea what his notion of perfect was or what his notion of my idea of perfect was. I asked if he thought it was some big, elaborate thing with a really fancy restaurant, etc, etc. He said no. I said I didn't care to have all of my family and friends around for it -- this is a private time for us, there's plenty of time to share with others at our wedding. He breathed an audible sigh of relief and said, "Well that makes it much simpler." So there's that, I guess.
I ended up telling him that I'd expected it several times already (see above). He seemed a bit shocked that I would have been happy being asked in front of a beautiful view of Yosemite valley with now one around for miles. Or at Warren Peak, since I consider it as special place for us. I did say it would be cool if there were an incognito photographer around to snap some candid video/photos as it was happening, since that's not something you can replace. He seemed more relaxed after that, and we went to bed.
And then this morning I had a dream that we were in some Narnia-esque place. We were walking together, holding hands, when we walked through a shimmering portal into Nice, France. He got down on one knee in front of a quaint restaurant with shimmering white Christmas lights and asked me to marry him. An older French gentleman enjoying desert at the restaurant started taking pictures -- the photographer Dan had hired to catch the moment.
Then I woke up and had to go to work.
In other news, I've also gotten Baby Fever pretty badly lately.
Anyhow, I sat at home all day and got all angsty about our relationship stagnating at the bf/gf stage for SIX YEARS while people that I knew in high school are busy getting engaged and married and going on honey moons and having babies. So I was in a funk when Dan FINALLY managed to escape lab and come home. We went to bed pretty early because we were both tired, and he asked me what was bothering me. I told him what I'd been feeling, that it's not fair that we love each other so much and haven't gotten married or even gotten engaged yet while other people who aren't nearly as good together have. He understands my frustration because there is literally nothing in the world that I want more.
He feels that he's under an incredible amount of pressure to make it perfect. I have no idea what his idea / his idea of my idea of perfection is. He says he's "working on it," and to wait a little longer because "it's coming." I told him I understand, that I'm frustrated, but the fact that he's thinking so hard about it mollifies me. Some, at least.
I just keep expecting him to ask. I really expected it around the holidays -- December 3rd/4th (late night/early morning) is the anniversary of the first time he told me he loved me. When we were at Disneyland after our half marathon, there were literally at least 3 separate times that I thought he was going to ask. I thought he would ask during our backpacking adventure in Yosemite last month, then again this weekend at Joshua Tree when we were hiking up to Warren Peak to watch the sunset. So you see, I keep getting my hopes up (while trying to avoid it!) only to have them go unfulfilled.
We had another discussion on Sunday night. He repeated the pressure he's feeling to make it "perfect." I told him I had no idea what his notion of perfect was or what his notion of my idea of perfect was. I asked if he thought it was some big, elaborate thing with a really fancy restaurant, etc, etc. He said no. I said I didn't care to have all of my family and friends around for it -- this is a private time for us, there's plenty of time to share with others at our wedding. He breathed an audible sigh of relief and said, "Well that makes it much simpler." So there's that, I guess.
I ended up telling him that I'd expected it several times already (see above). He seemed a bit shocked that I would have been happy being asked in front of a beautiful view of Yosemite valley with now one around for miles. Or at Warren Peak, since I consider it as special place for us. I did say it would be cool if there were an incognito photographer around to snap some candid video/photos as it was happening, since that's not something you can replace. He seemed more relaxed after that, and we went to bed.
And then this morning I had a dream that we were in some Narnia-esque place. We were walking together, holding hands, when we walked through a shimmering portal into Nice, France. He got down on one knee in front of a quaint restaurant with shimmering white Christmas lights and asked me to marry him. An older French gentleman enjoying desert at the restaurant started taking pictures -- the photographer Dan had hired to catch the moment.
Then I woke up and had to go to work.
In other news, I've also gotten Baby Fever pretty badly lately.