hello, september.
i applied to two jobs recently -- one with growNYC, the other with food systems network NYC -- that could be perfect stepping stones for where i'd like to take my career. it occurred to me this morning that while i believe i might get a call back, i don't interview well, i know it, and my mindset is already that of failure.
the past couple of days have largely involved laying under a sunlamp in my unmade bed attempting to gather the motivation to get up and get dressed, being grossly short with eloise who is simply acting age appropriate, an inoculation of irrational thoughts, and crying fits.
a part of it is circumstantial. i am exactly where i was 3 years ago -- professionally (i don't think i have another year of subbing in me), financially (same income + the second to last deferment on my student loans is about to run out), emotionally (we are dancing the same dance within the confines of my marriage). the stagnancy is eating away at my self worth.
a part of it is me, always. i need to see a therapist. but first, i need health insurance. see: a part of it is circumstantial.
anxious.
anxious.
trembling vibrating jet engines anxious.
it took me over an hour this morning to write a short six paragraphs in response to a debate i was having with a friend on facebook. suddenly i wasn't sure if "rape" is rape and if "consensual" means what i think it means and wait, do individuals display various levels of maturity (intellectual, social, emotional) regardless of chronological age or is chronological age highly relevant to maturity. is "maturity" a word? let's look at a dictionary to verify.
it would have taken me 10 minutes to write those six paragraphs a month ago.
i need to create "a little bit of of crazy" tag.
the past couple of days have largely involved laying under a sunlamp in my unmade bed attempting to gather the motivation to get up and get dressed, being grossly short with eloise who is simply acting age appropriate, an inoculation of irrational thoughts, and crying fits.
a part of it is circumstantial. i am exactly where i was 3 years ago -- professionally (i don't think i have another year of subbing in me), financially (same income + the second to last deferment on my student loans is about to run out), emotionally (we are dancing the same dance within the confines of my marriage). the stagnancy is eating away at my self worth.
a part of it is me, always. i need to see a therapist. but first, i need health insurance. see: a part of it is circumstantial.
anxious.
anxious.
trembling vibrating jet engines anxious.
it took me over an hour this morning to write a short six paragraphs in response to a debate i was having with a friend on facebook. suddenly i wasn't sure if "rape" is rape and if "consensual" means what i think it means and wait, do individuals display various levels of maturity (intellectual, social, emotional) regardless of chronological age or is chronological age highly relevant to maturity. is "maturity" a word? let's look at a dictionary to verify.
it would have taken me 10 minutes to write those six paragraphs a month ago.
i need to create "a little bit of of crazy" tag.