re: 10/20 entry
If you think that I was being self-absorbed, judgmental, and self-centered, well, you may be right-- I can certainly be all of those things-- but where does that come from? The "not sure I've ever been more ... by someone else than they are by me?" That is self-absorbed. I know that. I said that. It's also truly true. I get a lot of "Wow, Jane, how do you do all of this stuff? You must be so ..." -- so I guess it's gone to my head. I don't suppose that humble is on my top-ten list of qualities right now. If that's what you mean, I get it. I'm not certain I really know what to do about it, though.
As for the boy, I'm not romantically interested. He has a girlfriend. I think that having talked to him a little I'm realizing there are fucking kickass cool things to do and ways to be that I don't know about. I was humbled by this conversation, as opposed to feeling some kind of creepy he's-as-good-as-I-am validation.
I don't know. I don't have good perspective about myself. I have a great big messy ego, I know ... what do I do about it? The thing is, I like who I am, I like how I'm living, and I don't really know how to not enjoy that other people think I'm great. This is also self-centered, but once again, it's true. Don't brush it off, eh? I don't know how to listen to good feedback and not let it puff me up. I don't think I know what I'm really like, by other people's standards, whether I'm obnoxiously self-centered to the exclusion of a lot of the good stuff or not. I could definitely see that, but I don't know how to change it. I get a lot of feelings from other people's feedback.
I think I'll think about this some more. Maybe something wonderful will happen.
As for the boy, I'm not romantically interested. He has a girlfriend. I think that having talked to him a little I'm realizing there are fucking kickass cool things to do and ways to be that I don't know about. I was humbled by this conversation, as opposed to feeling some kind of creepy he's-as-good-as-I-am validation.
I don't know. I don't have good perspective about myself. I have a great big messy ego, I know ... what do I do about it? The thing is, I like who I am, I like how I'm living, and I don't really know how to not enjoy that other people think I'm great. This is also self-centered, but once again, it's true. Don't brush it off, eh? I don't know how to listen to good feedback and not let it puff me up. I don't think I know what I'm really like, by other people's standards, whether I'm obnoxiously self-centered to the exclusion of a lot of the good stuff or not. I could definitely see that, but I don't know how to change it. I get a lot of feelings from other people's feedback.
I think I'll think about this some more. Maybe something wonderful will happen.