(no subject)
Well, Andrew reminded me that I am more transparent than I like to believe when he hit the nail on the head about one of my biggest character flaws...
I'd like to point out: Mandie acknowledged that I am, in fact, "one of those girls" when it comes to making boyfriend references (though I keep them to myself almost exclusively), but I guess I don't care too much.
In terms of one of my most significant character flaws, it is my inability to rebound. I am not particularly good at picking myself up when I fall and brushing myself off. When something goes wrong or plans get derailed, I am paralyzed. "You need some motivation, kid." Yeah, tell me about it! I thought going to Michigan would automatically transfer some motivation to me. Who would have thought, however, that I have to do a little work to get motivated. ha. I don't know, I need direction? Or I just need to suck it up and grow up. I get down on myself and it takes me a long time to get back up. I am a pathological over-analyzer and dweller.
I'm sure Andrew is not the only one in my life to notice this. Although, I do tend to wonder from time to time "who is actually IN my life?" I feel like there are quite a few people just kind of around me.
I guess, the hardest thing is thinking that you consider certain people to be a part of your life, but do they regard you the same? Or are you an afterthought? I am feeling more and more like an afterthought with people who I still consider to be important. I don't mean to say that I am the only one who ever feels like this, obviously I'm not. I've just noticed that I tend to be happiest when I have one or a small number of very close people in my life who I regard as important and who I know regard me as important to them as well. It's hard to have people around, even some people that you really care about and have for a long time, but not to necessarily have people whose life is intertwined with yours. People to be able to count on for anything, no matter how big or how small.
Oh, I know I have people like that. I have my parents. But that is sad. Isn't it? Plus, they are my PARENTS, come on. I never thought I was going to be the "family is important" type of person, but now I really am. It's this time of year that I tend to take specific notice to that fact. It's really kind of strange to grow up in an environment where your extended family is of such little day to day importance or significance. I mean...we didn't go to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with my Dad's parents and a couple brothers and sisters because my Dad didn't feel like we were invited. Do you really need to be INVITED to a family function of that nature? I didn't think so...Or if you DO need to be invited, should your son and his family NOT be extended the elusive invitation? Oye. I don't know the answers to these questions.
I also find it interesting to look at my life in terms of Birthday cards. You know, a birthday can be very reflective of your point in life at the moment. I certainly do feel that. Which maybe is why I put so much pressure on birthdays? I don't really know why I put so much pressure on birthdays. But I sure as shit do. I mean, I can hypothesize. My hypothesis would be that I am spoiled and self centered and used to getting my way. I am also overly sensitive and need constant reassurance in my life. Therefore, a birthday is an excuse to not only get what I want, but to have it proved to myself that people care about me. Or at least care enough to pretend to care. Which, depending on how you look at it, can be just as good as the real thing. Anyway, in looking at my life in terms of Birthday cards, I notice that I have received ONLY cards from my Mom's family. There's one from Aunt Dot, Uncle Jeff and his family, Josh (uncle Jeff's step-son), my cousin Jessica, and my Uncle John. That is the total. Not a one from the Syversons. Interesting. Very, very...interesting. I miss my Grandma. Anyway.
In conclusion, I am sad at this current moment. Life is not living up to my expectations because I am not living up to life's expectations. I'm not sure exactly what I can do to fix this. Maybe I need to stop thinking of things in my life in terms of being broken.
Love,
Kristin
****Happy Birthday to Erica Armstrong on November 26th. NO LONGER A TEENAGER!! woooo
I'd like to point out: Mandie acknowledged that I am, in fact, "one of those girls" when it comes to making boyfriend references (though I keep them to myself almost exclusively), but I guess I don't care too much.
In terms of one of my most significant character flaws, it is my inability to rebound. I am not particularly good at picking myself up when I fall and brushing myself off. When something goes wrong or plans get derailed, I am paralyzed. "You need some motivation, kid." Yeah, tell me about it! I thought going to Michigan would automatically transfer some motivation to me. Who would have thought, however, that I have to do a little work to get motivated. ha. I don't know, I need direction? Or I just need to suck it up and grow up. I get down on myself and it takes me a long time to get back up. I am a pathological over-analyzer and dweller.
I'm sure Andrew is not the only one in my life to notice this. Although, I do tend to wonder from time to time "who is actually IN my life?" I feel like there are quite a few people just kind of around me.
I guess, the hardest thing is thinking that you consider certain people to be a part of your life, but do they regard you the same? Or are you an afterthought? I am feeling more and more like an afterthought with people who I still consider to be important. I don't mean to say that I am the only one who ever feels like this, obviously I'm not. I've just noticed that I tend to be happiest when I have one or a small number of very close people in my life who I regard as important and who I know regard me as important to them as well. It's hard to have people around, even some people that you really care about and have for a long time, but not to necessarily have people whose life is intertwined with yours. People to be able to count on for anything, no matter how big or how small.
Oh, I know I have people like that. I have my parents. But that is sad. Isn't it? Plus, they are my PARENTS, come on. I never thought I was going to be the "family is important" type of person, but now I really am. It's this time of year that I tend to take specific notice to that fact. It's really kind of strange to grow up in an environment where your extended family is of such little day to day importance or significance. I mean...we didn't go to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with my Dad's parents and a couple brothers and sisters because my Dad didn't feel like we were invited. Do you really need to be INVITED to a family function of that nature? I didn't think so...Or if you DO need to be invited, should your son and his family NOT be extended the elusive invitation? Oye. I don't know the answers to these questions.
I also find it interesting to look at my life in terms of Birthday cards. You know, a birthday can be very reflective of your point in life at the moment. I certainly do feel that. Which maybe is why I put so much pressure on birthdays? I don't really know why I put so much pressure on birthdays. But I sure as shit do. I mean, I can hypothesize. My hypothesis would be that I am spoiled and self centered and used to getting my way. I am also overly sensitive and need constant reassurance in my life. Therefore, a birthday is an excuse to not only get what I want, but to have it proved to myself that people care about me. Or at least care enough to pretend to care. Which, depending on how you look at it, can be just as good as the real thing. Anyway, in looking at my life in terms of Birthday cards, I notice that I have received ONLY cards from my Mom's family. There's one from Aunt Dot, Uncle Jeff and his family, Josh (uncle Jeff's step-son), my cousin Jessica, and my Uncle John. That is the total. Not a one from the Syversons. Interesting. Very, very...interesting. I miss my Grandma. Anyway.
In conclusion, I am sad at this current moment. Life is not living up to my expectations because I am not living up to life's expectations. I'm not sure exactly what I can do to fix this. Maybe I need to stop thinking of things in my life in terms of being broken.
Love,
Kristin
****Happy Birthday to Erica Armstrong on November 26th. NO LONGER A TEENAGER!! woooo