73024

[honeyforbees]

I sit on the floor
My back against the bed
The carpet bites into my skin
The mattress is hard against my spine
But I don't move
I can't move
The TV plays and plays and plays
Never shut off
Because of the silence
The room is filled with bags and boxes
A mountain of clothes sits beside me
Shoes are strewn across the carpet
Everywhere my eyes turn I see things
Things
I don't want to unpack
I know it is unhealthy
I need to let go
Unpack
Organize
Make a new space for myself
But I can't
Every item has a story
Stuffed animals, gifts from you
Dresses, the ones you loved
Receipts, love letters, bank statements
They are all yours
And I can't bare to touch them
To place them
How can I?
Each item makes my eyes well with tears
My body aches
My heart aches
My ears ache
I don't even want to get into bed
Because then the darkness takes over
And my mind runs amok
Yet when I awake in the morning I can't seem to drag myself out of the blankets
It has rained for three days straight
I wish it were sunny
Vitamin D and all that
Everything seems easier in the sunshine
I am lost