and it all starts to get better again
so here i am, monday morning with two midterms down and one to go. seriously, three tests in one day is psychotic. had to do it last year for finals (that was also the day that ended in my ridiculously out of control stoned self running into the house twice with my car. impressive, yes i know), so we'll see how today turns out.
i'm feeling better in general. ive gotta stop blaming the shit thats running around in my head on things other than my shit attitude towards life-in-general. (as a side note: the chairs in the science library are not tall enough for the tables so i always end up sitting on my feet and my rapidly decreasing quality of circulation cannot keep up so i always end up hobbling out of here on half asleep appendages. bullshit. maybe im just too short. whatever.) where physics is concerned: its really difficult for a lot of people.... today before the test the guys in front of me (both on the med school route) were talking about how no one ever told them that physics was going to be the hardest class that theyd have to take. everyone said ochem was the hardest class. no its physics. theres a reason why we're biologists. we dont think like all those nutty physicists. so that made me feel a lot better about my situation. plus i got a tutor whos helping me a lot and ive started being proactive about this class instead of getting all frustrated and freaked out by it. basically i just needed to chill out. quitting smoking has been real difficult especially when your live-in boyfriend can go through an 1/8th in like three days. but its helping me out. i gotta stay clear. and these days all smoking does for me is give me anxiety and put me directly to sleep. its frustrating when everyone else is awake all late and im going to be at like 8 30. so.... its getting better. i have to start enjoying life again instead of viewing it all as a chore. i talked to kathy last night and she told me that im just not getting enough leah-time. one of the things that i always did was just curl up somewhere and watch 'friends' or whatver and just zone out. i need that time to decompress and not be responsible for anything or anyone. for example, these days im at school all day and then when i get home i immediately have to get into hang out mode with ryan, housemates, friends, etc. my old routine was get home, play on internet, watch some tv, have dinner, then do homework. everything up til dinner time was alone time. i love having ryan around and its really teaching me a lot about myself and what i can and cannot handle. its also teaching me about my needs. its weird. all the things that i thought were going to be issues with ryan moving in have turned out not to be, and all the little things are coming out of their hiding places. its insane.
it feels so good to be chilling out. the high stress mode ive been under since early september is finally going away. maybe i can stand to be around myself now.
i'm feeling better in general. ive gotta stop blaming the shit thats running around in my head on things other than my shit attitude towards life-in-general. (as a side note: the chairs in the science library are not tall enough for the tables so i always end up sitting on my feet and my rapidly decreasing quality of circulation cannot keep up so i always end up hobbling out of here on half asleep appendages. bullshit. maybe im just too short. whatever.) where physics is concerned: its really difficult for a lot of people.... today before the test the guys in front of me (both on the med school route) were talking about how no one ever told them that physics was going to be the hardest class that theyd have to take. everyone said ochem was the hardest class. no its physics. theres a reason why we're biologists. we dont think like all those nutty physicists. so that made me feel a lot better about my situation. plus i got a tutor whos helping me a lot and ive started being proactive about this class instead of getting all frustrated and freaked out by it. basically i just needed to chill out. quitting smoking has been real difficult especially when your live-in boyfriend can go through an 1/8th in like three days. but its helping me out. i gotta stay clear. and these days all smoking does for me is give me anxiety and put me directly to sleep. its frustrating when everyone else is awake all late and im going to be at like 8 30. so.... its getting better. i have to start enjoying life again instead of viewing it all as a chore. i talked to kathy last night and she told me that im just not getting enough leah-time. one of the things that i always did was just curl up somewhere and watch 'friends' or whatver and just zone out. i need that time to decompress and not be responsible for anything or anyone. for example, these days im at school all day and then when i get home i immediately have to get into hang out mode with ryan, housemates, friends, etc. my old routine was get home, play on internet, watch some tv, have dinner, then do homework. everything up til dinner time was alone time. i love having ryan around and its really teaching me a lot about myself and what i can and cannot handle. its also teaching me about my needs. its weird. all the things that i thought were going to be issues with ryan moving in have turned out not to be, and all the little things are coming out of their hiding places. its insane.
it feels so good to be chilling out. the high stress mode ive been under since early september is finally going away. maybe i can stand to be around myself now.