so, it always goes sour eventually

[honeyedmorphine]

i really hate the long distance thing. im not entirely sure what im gonna do if ryan cant stay here past december. hes a different person on the phone and not one that i necessarily enjoy. i mean he has his good times, but overall he hates the phone and doesnt hide it very well. im surprised that our relationship didnt die over the summer where we were pretty much phone- only. its bullshit.... my motto is still dont do long distance but i guess sometimes you have to. usually when i get off the phone with him im more sad than i was before the conversation because he makes me feel like he doesnt want to talk to me.... of course thats just his hatred of talking on the phone coming out. i dont want to make him feel like he has to talk to me... he needs to want to and its just disappointing when he obviously doesnt. oh, compromise is a bitch.
i know hes stressed out right now about a lot of things and his way of dealing with it all is to just shut down and shut people out... including me. we're so the same in a lot of ways. i just wish we could talk to each other about whats bothering us.... and about whats bothering us in general not just where the other one is concerned. i dont want it to end up where we dont talk to each other about that stuff at all or where im doing all the talking and he can just get away with not telling me anything about him...
it just sucks right now. mainly because im stressed out too and want him to be there for me. but thats selfish when hes going through all this crap at home.
*sigh*