life fuckin' sucks
I want to do something, don't know what, but I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be somewhere else where I'm not judged for what I do, how I look, or who I choose to be friends with. I feel lately that no matter what I do, there is someone there to take me down and tell me just how big of a pile of shit I am. I tired of taking the main blow for things I've been a part in. I'm not saying that I don't deserve it or that what I did was right, but fucking a don't pick on me because I'm the easy target. Grom some fucking balls, yeah those are those wrinkly dangly things that are suppose to be by your penis, and confront the person you are having the problem with. Yeah picking on me will get to them, but that solves nothing.
I tired of being the person I am. I want to be somebody else, wow, that sounds like that song! That;s how I fucking feel right now though, that everyone has an opinion about me, that their lives just aren;t exciting enough that they have to go stir some shit. Yet again, I'm not saying I'm innocent of it, I just can't seem to find my way away from it.
ugh, wow, I've never felt so alone than I do right now. I need someone I can really lean on, but that isn't fair, I should be able to stand on my own two feet but I can't. I honestly thought just today how nice it would be to get into a bad car crash where I could be in a hospital for a while. Where other people would take care of me and I would have to do nothing (they have to have work somehow, that's how they pay the bills) Only then would I be able to see which people really do care about me.
I'm one of those people who in a room full of people will sit back and see how people interact and notice that it doesn't even matter if I'm there. In a way it is fun, but depressing, seeing how you aren't really needed, how the world just might be better with out you in it.
Don't worry, I'm not thinking about trying anything, it just feels good to get these thoughts out. I'm not writing this to have people say, oh but I love you, I'd miss you. I'm honestly writing this because it feels so good to get it out of my head.
I say that I'm happy, but what is happiness anyways. Is it getting that ice cream come that you wanted, or is it having people around you who might not give a shit if you are around, but they are there and make you feel alive.
I will end with my favorite quote from Crash, "Do people really end up crashing into eachother just to let themselves know they are alive?"
I tired of being the person I am. I want to be somebody else, wow, that sounds like that song! That;s how I fucking feel right now though, that everyone has an opinion about me, that their lives just aren;t exciting enough that they have to go stir some shit. Yet again, I'm not saying I'm innocent of it, I just can't seem to find my way away from it.
ugh, wow, I've never felt so alone than I do right now. I need someone I can really lean on, but that isn't fair, I should be able to stand on my own two feet but I can't. I honestly thought just today how nice it would be to get into a bad car crash where I could be in a hospital for a while. Where other people would take care of me and I would have to do nothing (they have to have work somehow, that's how they pay the bills) Only then would I be able to see which people really do care about me.
I'm one of those people who in a room full of people will sit back and see how people interact and notice that it doesn't even matter if I'm there. In a way it is fun, but depressing, seeing how you aren't really needed, how the world just might be better with out you in it.
Don't worry, I'm not thinking about trying anything, it just feels good to get these thoughts out. I'm not writing this to have people say, oh but I love you, I'd miss you. I'm honestly writing this because it feels so good to get it out of my head.
I say that I'm happy, but what is happiness anyways. Is it getting that ice cream come that you wanted, or is it having people around you who might not give a shit if you are around, but they are there and make you feel alive.
I will end with my favorite quote from Crash, "Do people really end up crashing into eachother just to let themselves know they are alive?"