empty inside
there is so much that i have not written in here. Life went crazy on me for awhile and then i found myself somewhere i have never been before, happy . . .
My boyfriend and i just broke up, he is mad because someone said something to him, and granted what happened was wrong, but not taht wrong . . . i did not believe him, so I checked on him and he found out. I feel so betrayed by my friend who told him, I will never, ever talk to her again, she was the one who was telling me to do it and I felt like it would be wrong and then i caved I had to see if he was at the strip club when he told me that he was not going to go. It was on the way home.
He found out, and he was so upset and hurt. We did not talk all weekend . . . I met with him and gave him back his things . . . it is over between us.
I have not cut since last year this time -- and during the summer. I kept cutting and cutting and cutting in the shower and i could not feel it. I finally realized that my razor was full of skin and once I stopped the blood came rushing. I am going on a fast and I will lose 10 lbs this week if it kills me. Fuck the world. I feel so worthless again, and now the pain is so much more because I knew happiness. For 3 months I knew happiness . . . I knew what it felt like to be loved and someone who was going to stand with me through the storms . . . but it is all gone now and the emptiness reverberates throughout my soul. Today is Easter. I have lost control, not gradually but like a tidal wave, it has all come crashing down.
My boyfriend and i just broke up, he is mad because someone said something to him, and granted what happened was wrong, but not taht wrong . . . i did not believe him, so I checked on him and he found out. I feel so betrayed by my friend who told him, I will never, ever talk to her again, she was the one who was telling me to do it and I felt like it would be wrong and then i caved I had to see if he was at the strip club when he told me that he was not going to go. It was on the way home.
He found out, and he was so upset and hurt. We did not talk all weekend . . . I met with him and gave him back his things . . . it is over between us.
I have not cut since last year this time -- and during the summer. I kept cutting and cutting and cutting in the shower and i could not feel it. I finally realized that my razor was full of skin and once I stopped the blood came rushing. I am going on a fast and I will lose 10 lbs this week if it kills me. Fuck the world. I feel so worthless again, and now the pain is so much more because I knew happiness. For 3 months I knew happiness . . . I knew what it felt like to be loved and someone who was going to stand with me through the storms . . . but it is all gone now and the emptiness reverberates throughout my soul. Today is Easter. I have lost control, not gradually but like a tidal wave, it has all come crashing down.