(no subject)
I'd talked this one over with the moitster. But it took a much, much different tone.
Title: Hey, Beautiful
Pairing: C/Z (implied)
Rating: Light R for language
Warning(s): religious issues, ambiguous!ending (Sad?/Awesome?/Mix of both?)
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: Casey confesses, and promises.
The whole idea of Confessional was a bit silly. Even Father Daniel, who'd served as Saint Ann's Catholic church's priest for just under twenty years would admit it. One didn't get to know every person who attended mass as well as he did and not know just who was sitting across from him, hidden by wood and metal screen. Out of everyone here, he knew the Connor family the most.
Meredith, the dutiful matriarch, had been here longer than Daniel had; she'd welcomed him with open arms, and even with her swollen, pregnant belly, she'd come to every mass, church supper and fundraiser and worked harder than everyone else. She'd given him the wonderful task of baptizing their baby boy, making him an official soldier of God. And when it came to her time in confessional... Daniel would smile fondly whenever she entered that booth. As much as he wanted to take every sin and penance seriously, he'd make sure to give every assurance possible that, no, she wasn't a horrible person if she wanted to sleep in some mornings, instead of making her husband and son's breakfasts. A wife was to be dutiful in every way, but humans were humans. She'd always leave with a sigh and give thanks, obviously relieved to know that she wasn't going to hell for faking sick, all to get a few more winks in.
Her husband Frank was a strong, virtuous man who had his own insecurities. He worried at a constant about his skills as a father, and how he simply didn't get his son at times. As that son had grown older, his worries deepened further. “It... I just feel terrible about it,” he'd said years before after confessing that he'd yelled at his boy for not wanting to try out for soccer. Daniel had tried his best to work the man through it, talking with him longer than he ever had. The man had been a sports-star in both high school and college, and couldn't understand why his flesh and blood detested athletics as much as he did. All Daniel could suggest was to see what young Casey really, really wanted, and to celebrate whatever he chose to do.
But Daniel had a lot of insight as to what Casey wanted-how he felt. As a priest, he had to bite his lip every time Frank came into the booth. No matter his concerns, breaking trust and telling the boy's secrets to his father would go against everything Daniel was taught. He knows why Casey hangs back at the end of the line, waiting for everyone to be gone downstairs to have coffee-hour. Daniel waits through the long pause between Mrs. Armstrong and the young man, sighing deeply before he hears the curtain being drawn open and closed. Casey always kneels, Daniel hearing the act through the small creaking near the floor. Today, that doesn't happen.
“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was one week ago,” Casey whispers through the grate.
“How may I help you, my son?” Daniel says.
Another silence swells, until... “I don't think you can.”
Daniel glances to the grate and swallows before replying, “I can only try.”
“I know.”
“You've always trusted me-I've never broken that trust, my son. I promise,” Daniel says.
“I know.” Another pause, longer than the last. Daniel waits through it, letting Casey form his thoughts and put them into words. “But I'm still a sinner to you.”
“We're all sinners, my son.”
“Yea, well... mine are going to be pretty epic.”
Daniel frowns. Going to be? This wasn't 'I have sinned', this was something in Casey's datebook. “What do you mean by that?”
“You've-always preached about having compassion for people like me. I respect that. But to me, it's a lot of double-talk,” Casey explained. “The Catholic church doesn't want queers in their congregation.”
“That's not true,” Daniel replied. He'd been waiting for this very moment for years now, and needed to act-fast. “In fact, it's quite the opposite. You're a child of God; you need to try harder than some, perhaps, but he still loves you. He loves all sinners, no matter what their sins have been.”
An odd chuckle comes from the young man. “Yea. If they confess to those sins, and atone for them. Problem is... I can't atone for what I don't think needs atonement.”
Daniel looks to the grate again; he wants nothing more than to pull it open, reach in and take the boy's face in his hand, set him straight. Literally. He wants to give more than orders of how many 'Hail Mary's his parishioner needs to say, give proof that a higher power is here, listening on. But he can only use words, spoken in hushed, non-dramatic tones. “You must try, my son. It may be hard, but making your best effort will--”
“After this, I'm heading to my boyfriend's house, watching a movie, maybe call for a pizza. After that, I'm going to let him have me,” Casey interrupts.
The swallow that rolls down Daniel's throat hurts. “'Have you'?”
“We're going to fuck.”
“My son...”
“Casey. You know it's me.”
Daniel closes his eyes. He's still trying to get over the fact that this is the first time 'fuck' has been uttered in this booth... “My son... I don't think you understand the ramifications when it comes to how you are planning to sin; how you'll feel after whatever... act you want to commit.”
“He's been telling me all this time that we don't need to have sex-that he just likes to be with me. He's BEEN with me over three months now. Last week... when you told me that I had to choose, I almost did. I planned on calling him and telling him that we couldn't be together anymore,” Casey says. “So I picked up the phone, dialed his number and when he picked up, he didn't say 'hello'. He said, 'Hey, beautiful.'” Another pause. Daniel can't formulate any reply, it seems, so Casey goes on, “No one has ever called me beautiful. Father... I'm beautiful to him. So I made my choice.”
“You ARE a beautiful person, my son. Whether said or not.”
“He was the first one TO say it.”
“The devil would tell anyone 'you're beautiful' to sway them his way.”
Casey chuckles a little, again. “Well, he is a little satanic sometimes, I guess. If you think you've heard some interesting stuff in here, you'd have a stroke with what he'd confess to.”
“This... is not a laughing matter, my son. You need to think of your family, how this would affect them. Your friends, what will happen if you were to go down this path,” Daniel tries with desperation.
“The only reason anyone would hate me or disown me is because they've learned to do that,” Casey replies. “I expect my parents to throw a fit over it. Maybe they WILL disown me. But... I'm me. I can't change that.”
“But you can--”
“I won't.”
Daniel rubs his eyes, feeling so, so tired. He can't fail-there was too much in the world, things and people that would eat this boy alive should he not intervene, immediately. “I'm not done with you yet, my son. I'm going to be here, whenever you need me. I can only hope that you'll make the right choices.”
“I know I will,” Casey says.
Nodding, Daniel sits up and waits for the Act of Contrition. He frowns, however, when he hears a gentle clacking noise on the small wooden sill, followed by Casey standing and leaving the booth. Everything in Daniel screams to have him rush out, grab the boy's arm and shake sense into him, scream at him. But he can't. He can only wait a few moments until he knows Casey's gone to step out. Before he goes to leave himself, he pulls the curtain Casey had closed open.
On the sill sits the rosary Daniel had given to the Connor's for their newly-baptized baby... someone now grown and going out into the very scary world without them all. Instead of heading down to join everyone in the dining hall, Daniel takes the rosary in a tight grip, rushes to his office and locks the door. He spends a good twenty minutes sitting quiet and still before he can do nothing but cry quietly in secret. Whoever that devil was... Daniel hoped he never found out, as he didn't know if he'd be able to heed the sixth commandment.
Title: Hey, Beautiful
Pairing: C/Z (implied)
Rating: Light R for language
Warning(s): religious issues, ambiguous!ending (Sad?/Awesome?/Mix of both?)
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: Casey confesses, and promises.
The whole idea of Confessional was a bit silly. Even Father Daniel, who'd served as Saint Ann's Catholic church's priest for just under twenty years would admit it. One didn't get to know every person who attended mass as well as he did and not know just who was sitting across from him, hidden by wood and metal screen. Out of everyone here, he knew the Connor family the most.
Meredith, the dutiful matriarch, had been here longer than Daniel had; she'd welcomed him with open arms, and even with her swollen, pregnant belly, she'd come to every mass, church supper and fundraiser and worked harder than everyone else. She'd given him the wonderful task of baptizing their baby boy, making him an official soldier of God. And when it came to her time in confessional... Daniel would smile fondly whenever she entered that booth. As much as he wanted to take every sin and penance seriously, he'd make sure to give every assurance possible that, no, she wasn't a horrible person if she wanted to sleep in some mornings, instead of making her husband and son's breakfasts. A wife was to be dutiful in every way, but humans were humans. She'd always leave with a sigh and give thanks, obviously relieved to know that she wasn't going to hell for faking sick, all to get a few more winks in.
Her husband Frank was a strong, virtuous man who had his own insecurities. He worried at a constant about his skills as a father, and how he simply didn't get his son at times. As that son had grown older, his worries deepened further. “It... I just feel terrible about it,” he'd said years before after confessing that he'd yelled at his boy for not wanting to try out for soccer. Daniel had tried his best to work the man through it, talking with him longer than he ever had. The man had been a sports-star in both high school and college, and couldn't understand why his flesh and blood detested athletics as much as he did. All Daniel could suggest was to see what young Casey really, really wanted, and to celebrate whatever he chose to do.
But Daniel had a lot of insight as to what Casey wanted-how he felt. As a priest, he had to bite his lip every time Frank came into the booth. No matter his concerns, breaking trust and telling the boy's secrets to his father would go against everything Daniel was taught. He knows why Casey hangs back at the end of the line, waiting for everyone to be gone downstairs to have coffee-hour. Daniel waits through the long pause between Mrs. Armstrong and the young man, sighing deeply before he hears the curtain being drawn open and closed. Casey always kneels, Daniel hearing the act through the small creaking near the floor. Today, that doesn't happen.
“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was one week ago,” Casey whispers through the grate.
“How may I help you, my son?” Daniel says.
Another silence swells, until... “I don't think you can.”
Daniel glances to the grate and swallows before replying, “I can only try.”
“I know.”
“You've always trusted me-I've never broken that trust, my son. I promise,” Daniel says.
“I know.” Another pause, longer than the last. Daniel waits through it, letting Casey form his thoughts and put them into words. “But I'm still a sinner to you.”
“We're all sinners, my son.”
“Yea, well... mine are going to be pretty epic.”
Daniel frowns. Going to be? This wasn't 'I have sinned', this was something in Casey's datebook. “What do you mean by that?”
“You've-always preached about having compassion for people like me. I respect that. But to me, it's a lot of double-talk,” Casey explained. “The Catholic church doesn't want queers in their congregation.”
“That's not true,” Daniel replied. He'd been waiting for this very moment for years now, and needed to act-fast. “In fact, it's quite the opposite. You're a child of God; you need to try harder than some, perhaps, but he still loves you. He loves all sinners, no matter what their sins have been.”
An odd chuckle comes from the young man. “Yea. If they confess to those sins, and atone for them. Problem is... I can't atone for what I don't think needs atonement.”
Daniel looks to the grate again; he wants nothing more than to pull it open, reach in and take the boy's face in his hand, set him straight. Literally. He wants to give more than orders of how many 'Hail Mary's his parishioner needs to say, give proof that a higher power is here, listening on. But he can only use words, spoken in hushed, non-dramatic tones. “You must try, my son. It may be hard, but making your best effort will--”
“After this, I'm heading to my boyfriend's house, watching a movie, maybe call for a pizza. After that, I'm going to let him have me,” Casey interrupts.
The swallow that rolls down Daniel's throat hurts. “'Have you'?”
“We're going to fuck.”
“My son...”
“Casey. You know it's me.”
Daniel closes his eyes. He's still trying to get over the fact that this is the first time 'fuck' has been uttered in this booth... “My son... I don't think you understand the ramifications when it comes to how you are planning to sin; how you'll feel after whatever... act you want to commit.”
“He's been telling me all this time that we don't need to have sex-that he just likes to be with me. He's BEEN with me over three months now. Last week... when you told me that I had to choose, I almost did. I planned on calling him and telling him that we couldn't be together anymore,” Casey says. “So I picked up the phone, dialed his number and when he picked up, he didn't say 'hello'. He said, 'Hey, beautiful.'” Another pause. Daniel can't formulate any reply, it seems, so Casey goes on, “No one has ever called me beautiful. Father... I'm beautiful to him. So I made my choice.”
“You ARE a beautiful person, my son. Whether said or not.”
“He was the first one TO say it.”
“The devil would tell anyone 'you're beautiful' to sway them his way.”
Casey chuckles a little, again. “Well, he is a little satanic sometimes, I guess. If you think you've heard some interesting stuff in here, you'd have a stroke with what he'd confess to.”
“This... is not a laughing matter, my son. You need to think of your family, how this would affect them. Your friends, what will happen if you were to go down this path,” Daniel tries with desperation.
“The only reason anyone would hate me or disown me is because they've learned to do that,” Casey replies. “I expect my parents to throw a fit over it. Maybe they WILL disown me. But... I'm me. I can't change that.”
“But you can--”
“I won't.”
Daniel rubs his eyes, feeling so, so tired. He can't fail-there was too much in the world, things and people that would eat this boy alive should he not intervene, immediately. “I'm not done with you yet, my son. I'm going to be here, whenever you need me. I can only hope that you'll make the right choices.”
“I know I will,” Casey says.
Nodding, Daniel sits up and waits for the Act of Contrition. He frowns, however, when he hears a gentle clacking noise on the small wooden sill, followed by Casey standing and leaving the booth. Everything in Daniel screams to have him rush out, grab the boy's arm and shake sense into him, scream at him. But he can't. He can only wait a few moments until he knows Casey's gone to step out. Before he goes to leave himself, he pulls the curtain Casey had closed open.
On the sill sits the rosary Daniel had given to the Connor's for their newly-baptized baby... someone now grown and going out into the very scary world without them all. Instead of heading down to join everyone in the dining hall, Daniel takes the rosary in a tight grip, rushes to his office and locks the door. He spends a good twenty minutes sitting quiet and still before he can do nothing but cry quietly in secret. Whoever that devil was... Daniel hoped he never found out, as he didn't know if he'd be able to heed the sixth commandment.