Doing it up...
More!
...banner by primula_baggins :)
Title: Undecided (Pt. 8)
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Sean A./Lij, Josh/Lij
Synopsis: Getting the truth.
Disclaimer: Don't know anyone in this tale... they'd wanna know ME, though! Aw yea! :D
Riiiight...
Previous Parts: H&V-1, A_B-2, H&V-3, Both of us-4, H&V-5 (ending A-B's run, as she wanted me to take over), 6, 7
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” Elijah said into the security-speaker of Josh’s apartment complex. Josh didn’t say anything back, but the door buzzed, allowing Elijah to enter. He got inside, greeted by the stairwell leading to Josh’s place. He climbed up both small flights and got to his door, finding it ajar. His insides were trying to cave, but he stiffened slightly to keep up his resolve.
Getting inside, he looked past the half-wall of the kitchen, seeing Josh at the fridge. “Hey,” he said, shutting the door behind him.
“Hey yourself,” Josh said. “Want a beer?”
“No… no thanks,” Elijah replied. He passed through the small foyer and walked into the living room, finding a large envelope on the coffee table. “What’s that?” he said, pointing to it.
Josh walked in the room, cracking open his usual drink of ‘Samuel Adams’. “My script for ‘Black Hawk’,” he replied. “Just got it.”
“Oh. Cool,” Elijah said. He moved to the couch and sat down; Josh followed and began taking long sips of his drink. “So um…”
“Thought you’d be hanging out with your friends today,” Josh interrupted.
“Yea… things changed. Sean wasn’t planning on sticking around or anything.”
“He said that he needed to talk to you about something,” Josh said, turning his attention to the peeling label of his bottle. “Whatever it was, he was acting like he had a bug up his ass.”
Elijah swallowed and forced a shrug. “Sean’s like that--sometimes. But he’s a good guy.”
“What did he wanna talk about?”
“Just… stuff. I dunno, he’s having trouble with his wife,” Elijah replied. Well, it wasn’t really a lie, now was it?
Josh’s expression eased a bit; he looked to Elijah and raised his eyebrows. “Being away for such a long time does that, I guess. Puts a lot of strain on a person.”
“Yea,” Elijah answered, his stomach rolling under Josh’s gaze. “It was hard. It really was. I didn’t know if I’d make it at some points.”
“Yea,” Josh breathed out. He now moved a hand to Elijah’s shoulder, giving him a friendly squeeze. “You made it, though. It’s gonna be a huge success--everyone’s talking about the films.”
Elijah almost recoiled from Josh’s touch, guilt filling him at record speed. I need to get this out. He needs to know. “Are you mad… about something? You’d acted mad back at my place.”
Josh’s hand slid from Elijah’s shoulder and went to the back of the couch behind his head. Elijah was surprised to see a small smile form on his lips. Josh’s eyes averted, looking down on the couch. “Maybe I’m just a little jealous. Y’now? You’d just tell me all the time, how close everyone was. It seems like one of your cast mates is around every time I drop in.”
This was making things so, so much harder. Elijah took a painful swallow and leaned forward. “We got to be good friends--all of us,” he said. “But I’d missed you--a lot.”
“Missed you too,” Josh said with a smile. “We got some time left before I have to go, though. And I won’t be gone as long as YOU were.”
The small tease and jab to Elijah’s arm almost made him smile--almost. “It’s still hard though, and it was hard.”
Josh sighed and moved closer; he took a strand of Elijah’s hair and played with it, twirling it around and around. “But you’ve grown up, Lij. You really have.”
“No… no, I haven’t. There’s…” Elijah started, trying to keep his insides in check. “A lot that I’ve done wrong, and I’m not so sure… about things that I have done.”
“No one is. I’m not exactly ‘Joe Adult’ myself,” Josh said with a wink. “We’re both allowed a little craziness. I’d say we’ve turned out okay, compared with other Hollywood brats.”
“Maybe…”
“Hey… c’mere,” Josh said, taking Elijah’s arm. Elijah felt too numb to object this; he let Josh pull him in and get close, Elijah’s side meeting his chest. “What’s up? Something’s definitely bugging you.”
“Yea,” Elijah murmured. He put a hand on Josh’s chest, just over his heart. His ear pressed to it as well, listening to the small thumping inside. Now both of Josh‘s arms curled around him, hugging him even closer.
I don’t wanna lose this. I don’t.
“Talk to me, then,” Josh said, now brushing his fingertips at Elijah’s neck. He wasn’t normally this talkative, making Elijah bite his lip.
“I’m scared… of losing you,” Elijah replied.
It went quiet a few moments. Josh’s breathing had stopped a little at Elijah’s words, but picked up again with a small chuckle. “Hey, we’ve made it this far. We haven’t done so bad, I’d say.”
“I just… I dunno…” Elijah said. Why couldn’t he just say it, get it out in the open? Oh God, Josh was so warm…
The warmth left when Josh pushed Elijah up, gently, and then put both hands to either side of his face. “Need some convincing?” he playfully asked.
Before Elijah could say anything, Josh moved his lips to his, kissing gently. Elijah’s whole body stiffened--dying to kiss back, dying to pull away and scream the truth. “Josh…” he managed to murmur when Josh moved away a little. He only returned, harder this time, kissing Elijah with a forceful need. Always so good… it was always so good, but not now. Not with the pain of what he came here to do. It seemed that it was ready to go ignored and erase itself, especially when Josh’s hand snaked under Elijah’s t-shirt.
God. Why couldn’t he have BOTH of them? It was a greedy wish, but one that Elijah had felt way back when he and Sean started their relationship. He then bucked a little, feeling Josh’s fingers clench on a nipple. “Josh…” he gasped out, half in want, half in the need to stop this. “Josh, please…”
“Like it when you beg…” Josh teased, now lowering his mouth to Elijah’s neck.
Both of Elijah’s hands went to Josh’s neck, holding him tight. It urged Josh on, his tongue lapping gently just under Elijah’s ear. Perhaps… perhaps if he told him and held on tight enough, Josh wouldn’t care. Maybe he’d stay. If he said it, maybe… “I cheated on you,” Elijah blurted suddenly.
Everything stilled. The light kisses Josh had been applying stopped, though Elijah felt his lips resting on his neck. He held on, hoping, praying…
“What?”
The teasing, light voice was gone, completely. Elijah swallowed, coming up with the will to speak again. “I cheated on you… when we were filming in New Zealand, I cheated… on you.”
Josh pushed himself up on his hands, the one that had been caressing Elijah’s stomach now bracing to the couch to loom over the boy. His face was unreadable, though his eyes twitched into narrowing, opening, and then narrowing again. A few moments passed until finally, Josh moved away and sat back down on the other end of the couch.
“When?” he finally said, his voice thick and low.
Elijah moved up on his elbows, staring just past Josh to the window. It felt like the bright, sunny skies were ready to go gray with storm clouds at any moment. “Seven… maybe eight months ago,” he murmured.
“How many times?”
Oh fuck. “I…” Elijah started. “I’m still…”
He had to stop in seeing Josh’s head turn quick to stare at him with an icy glare. Elijah looked down onto his lap as he sat up fully, feeling incredibly small. Josh then blinked fast, looking to the coffee table. “Not a local while filming then, huh?”
“No.”
“So, who the fuck is it?” Josh rambled out, the words trembling slightly.
“Sh… Sean,” Elijah stammered. The dead silence caused by this admittance made an uncomfortable buzz in his ears. “I’m sorry,” he said after a few moments. “Josh, I’m sorry.”
Neither of them moved for a minute, maybe more, until Josh bent forward, snatched his unopened pack of cigarettes from the table and began smacking it to his palm--harder than he usually did, longer than he usually did. Elijah watched with dead eyes as he finally unwrapped them and brought one out. He stuck it in his lips then lay back, resting his head on the back of the couch. “So,” he muttered past the filter. With a wry, sarcastic smile, he continued. “You’re fucking around on me--with a married man. What fucking class that is, Lij. That takes fucking talent.”
The inevitable tears stung in Elijah’s eyes again; he turned them to dare look at the man, now sitting with his face upturned to the ceiling. “It wasn’t anything… planned. It all just happened, and we didn’t know it was going to. It just… did.”
“Do you know who Scarlett Johansson is?”
The sudden question, seemingly unrelated to the issue at hand made Elijah swallow again. “I... worked with her, years ago. In... North.”
“Mmm, that’d be her,” Josh said. He finally took his lighter from his pocket and lit up in one swift move of his arm. Now puffing away, he sat up and chuckled. “She fucking asked me out. Y’now that? Asked me out in September,” he said. He now turned to look at Elijah with a steely gaze. “She’s fucking hot, too; I still like my chicks, y’now, and fuck all if I wasn’t tempted. I could’ve bagged her right then and there, but no, I was with someone. Told her that I was.”
Elijah’s face tightened with regret. “Josh…”
“So while you were letting that fucker ream your ass, I was turning down a goddamned Hollywood rising starlet, because I was with you. Because I was willing to plan,” Josh said. “So don’t give me this ‘spur of the moment’ crap.”
“But it was--”
“And I could give a shit,” Josh interrupted, his voice firm and unemotional. “Like you couldn’t tell me, Lij? You’ve had almost eight months to, by your own words. Eight fucking months. Did you and him fuck every night? Hmm?”
“No!”
“Every other?”
Elijah went quiet… that wasn’t too far off the mark. His silence seemed to answer Josh’s question; he turned away, shaking his head. “Y’now what’s funny? I knew something was up. I did. I’d called your mom, back in September, right after Scarlett. I wanted to know when your next vacation was, so that maybe I could go where you were and surprise you. Imagine my confusion when she’d told me you’d just had a vacation.”
‘The one I didn’t tell him about…’ Elijah thought with dismay. “Yea…”
“So what, did you two take some ‘time off’ for yourselves? Did he skip out on his wife and kid to shank your ass for a week?”
“Josh, stop. Just stop,” Elijah finally blurted, the hurt rising up to his skin and making him shiver. “Stop talking like that. You’re making me sound like a whore, and I wasn’t. I was lonely, overworked and just so fucking fucked up all the time…”
“Maybe he wasn’t the only one you took to bed, either. Was there anyone else that I should know about?” Josh asked.
The question stilled Elijah completely. His head started shaking slowly. “Do you think… I’d do that? Just whore around like that?”
“Didn’t think you’d cheat on me. What am I supposed to think about all of this?” Josh spat back. Elijah didn’t care, now. His eyes overflowed in looking at Josh’s angry face, which suddenly turned into another half-smile. The man stood up with a grunt and picked up his beer. “Yea, I’m being a petty bastard. Not in the mood for being anything else, so I think you’d better leave now.”
Elijah turned, watching Josh go into the kitchen. He slugged the rest of his beer down and threw it in the recycling bin under the sink. Standing up on shaky legs, Elijah wiped his eyes with his hand and shook his head. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Josh.”
“Yup.”
“I…” Elijah went to say; Josh crossed his arms and stared back at him, his lips set in a thin, pale line. Elijah had to look away, hands shuddering underneath his arms. “I’ll go. I’ll go. I’m sorry…”
Nothing else was said. He turned to the door, opened it and walked out. His whole body felt numb, to the point that walking down the stairs made him have to grab the handrail to keep from keeling over. He’d never had to do this before, Josh being his first boyfriend. First anything, for years. It’d been said that it was normal for ‘first loves’ to fade; that in being young, tastes changed.
But they hadn’t… not entirely.
The warm sun felt like pins and needles on Elijah’s skin as he ventured back into the parking lot, nearly stumbling on small pebbles and cracks in the sidewalk. His bleary, tear-filled eyes weren’t helping him focus at all. He managed to find his car, get the door open and climb in.
He broke; utterly and completely broke, in all sense of the word. He’d thank the Gods later that his car was soundproofed with tinted windows, letting no one that would pass by hear him wail or see him bent over the wheel, crying his heart out. It was a long time before he felt composed enough to turn the key and drive back home, though he cried the entire way.
~*~
He’d been thankful for taking Dom’s offer to stay at his place while he’d ‘gone out’. Strong arms had held him in a tight hug, helped him to the bedroom and let him be alone with his woes. Dom promised to make something nice to eat later for dinner, but Elijah couldn’t have cared less. He’d thanked him anyway and curled up under his blanket, falling asleep almost immediately.
He was woken later, after night had fallen, to the sound of the doorbell ringing. His hope that Dom had stayed were answered as he heard the door open and murmurs of voices. He didn’t know if he’d be able to greet anyone that stopped in to see him, especially if it were Josh--especially Sean. He’d had enough of his own emotional turmoil today. If Sean had went ahead and told his wife what had been going on…
Elijah grunted and turned on his stomach, dragging the blanket over his head. His little cocoon made a tiny bit of comfort, but was interrupted by a knock at the bedroom door. He decided to feign sleep, keeping quiet in the hopes that whoever it was would go away.
“’Lijah?”
His head rose up and the blankets were shoved from his face. Looking to the door, he found Hannah standing just past the cracked-open door. “Han?” his dry throat managed to crackle out.
“Hey,” she said with a smile, walking in.
Elijah forced himself up on his side, bracing his body with a propped arm. His bleary eyes finally focused on his sister, who now shut the door behind her and came into the darkened room. “Close your eyes, I’m turning on a lamp. Gotta see my long-lost brother, first time in ages,” she said as she approached his nightstand.
“I’m not in the best shape right now…” he said, but didn’t protest when orange attacked through his eyelids.
“Ugh… no you aren’t. But I’ll take what I can get,” she said, now leaning in for a tight hug. “Missed you, big bro.”
“Missed you too,” he said, giving a light kiss to her cheek. She drew away and sat on the edge of the bed, letting Elijah settle back down. He opened his eyes in small cracks, adjusting himself to the light. “Just get back from your vacation?”
“Yea… had a blast,” she told him with a smile. “We might get together for New Year’s, too.”
“Cool,” Elijah answered, trying to hide the disappointment from his voice. ‘New Year’s… right. Spending THAT alone, more than likely…’ he thought.
Hannah, being Hannah, seemed to notice anyway--not that Dom hadn’t explained to her. He would have. “I hear you’re, um… pretty down,” she said.
Yup. “It’s been… better,” Elijah answered. He brought his hands up to rest his head upon with a groan. “I just… fucked everything up, is all.”
Hannah gave him a sympathetic gaze and scratched his scalp a little. “Yea--Dom filled me in a little bit. ‘Said that you and Josh are on the outs.”
“All my fault,” Elijah stated.
“How so?”
Once again, everything came out in a rush. His sister sat quietly, letting him explain every detail as well as he could speak them. He noticed her blinking faster when he exposed the name of who he’d been cheating on Josh with, and tried ignoring it. If he heard one more ‘he’s married!’ speech, he was going to hurt somebody. He finished it off with the last words between him and Josh before coming home to hide in bed. It left the room quiet a few moments after he finished, Hannah seemingly letting it all sink in.
She finally parted her lips and sighed. “Aw, Monkey…” she started. “It’s so complicated. Dunno what to say, really.”
“Good. Any more input or argument from people, and my head’ll explode,” he said.
“No, I’m not going to judge or anything. You know me better than that,” she replied. “As messed up as it is, though--Josh could’ve been nicer about it.”
Elijah scoffed. “I cheated on him, Han. He had a right to be angry.”
“But to go on about you, tramping around with everyone? SO not cool,” she stated definitively. “Be pissed, sure. But he didn’t need to say all of that. You were gone for so long, doing what you did; you kinda needed someone to turn to.”
“He didn’t.”
“He didn’t have to deal with what you did. I don’t care if fifty Hollywood tarts asked him out--he made different decisions, that’s all,” she explained. “Maybe yours wasn’t the most honest one, but you made your mistakes. Hell, he should be happy you’d told him at all. My friend Cassie needed to find out through about seven friends that HER boyfriend had been cheating on her.”
“I still know better,” he said.
Hannah rolled her eyes. “You’re not even twenty-years old yet, ‘Lijah. Josh was your first, and he’s lasted for years now. Everyone’s bound to make mistakes, y’now.”
“Maybe. Just wish I hadn’t hurt people with all… this,” he said, the words getting lost in a yawn.
“Well… do you want me to stick around? Or is Dom gonna take care of you?” she asked.
Elijah shrugged. “Dom being here is fine. You should go hang out with friends and stuff, not worry about your stupid brother,” he said, smiling just a little bit.
“Eh, shut up,” she said, standing up then leaning down to kiss his temple. “I’ll come by tomorrow, maybe we can have breakfast together. It’s been a while that we haven’t scarfed down a box of ‘Fruit Loops’ while watching Saturday morning cartoons.”
“Yea, it has, huh? Sure… might do me some good.”
“Good! Now just relax, don’t worry about things,” she said; her constant philosophy that always made Elijah smile.
“Mmkay… see ya, Han.”
“’Night,” she said, giving him a tiny wave as she left the room and shut the door.
Elijah rolled onto his back; he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. After waiting a few minutes, sure that Hannah was gone, he slipped out of bed and left the room. Perhaps a nice dinner WOULD be nice, considering the fact that his stomach was achingly empty.
Sure enough, Dom stood in the kitchen over a steaming pot. Elijah shuffled in and leaned on the doorway. “Hey,” he muttered.
Dom turned and raised his eyebrows. “’Ello… feeling any better?”
“No,” Elijah honestly replied. “Thanks for letting Han in, though. It was nice to see her.”
“Ah, well… she would’ve done something terrible to me if I hadn’t. So… are you hungry? I’m cooking up some… pasta… thing.”
“Well, when you put it that way…” Elijah drawled; he walked to the fridge and sighed, and then grabbed up the pizza takeout menu.
Dom clucked his tongue. “That’s the thanks I get, eh? Pssh, just fine, young man,” he said.
Before Elijah could respond, the doorbell sounded off again. Both of them turned to look towards the front; Dom turned back to look at Elijah while licking a spoon coated in spaghetti sauce. “Want me to…?”
Elijah shook his head and headed for the front, eyeing the door with a lump in his throat. If he was to be up and about, he would answer the door, no matter his apprehension. It wasn’t Dom’s responsibility to take care of every last little thing.
The doorknob felt frozen as he turned it; he looked onto the doorstep, finding Sean standing under the porch light. Elijah blinked wildly as the man looked to him, his eyes red and cheeks splotchy. Without a word, Sean stepped forth and took Elijah in a tight hug.
“I told her,” he shook out, squeezing Elijah hard. “Everything… I told her everything.”
Elijah fought the impulse to back off, knowing how hurt Sean was. It was hard to put one arm around his back, reciprocating as best as he could. Sean didn’t seem to notice.
~*~
...banner by primula_baggins :)
Title: Undecided (Pt. 8)
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Sean A./Lij, Josh/Lij
Synopsis: Getting the truth.
Disclaimer: Don't know anyone in this tale... they'd wanna know ME, though! Aw yea! :D
Riiiight...
Previous Parts: H&V-1, A_B-2, H&V-3, Both of us-4, H&V-5 (ending A-B's run, as she wanted me to take over), 6, 7
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” Elijah said into the security-speaker of Josh’s apartment complex. Josh didn’t say anything back, but the door buzzed, allowing Elijah to enter. He got inside, greeted by the stairwell leading to Josh’s place. He climbed up both small flights and got to his door, finding it ajar. His insides were trying to cave, but he stiffened slightly to keep up his resolve.
Getting inside, he looked past the half-wall of the kitchen, seeing Josh at the fridge. “Hey,” he said, shutting the door behind him.
“Hey yourself,” Josh said. “Want a beer?”
“No… no thanks,” Elijah replied. He passed through the small foyer and walked into the living room, finding a large envelope on the coffee table. “What’s that?” he said, pointing to it.
Josh walked in the room, cracking open his usual drink of ‘Samuel Adams’. “My script for ‘Black Hawk’,” he replied. “Just got it.”
“Oh. Cool,” Elijah said. He moved to the couch and sat down; Josh followed and began taking long sips of his drink. “So um…”
“Thought you’d be hanging out with your friends today,” Josh interrupted.
“Yea… things changed. Sean wasn’t planning on sticking around or anything.”
“He said that he needed to talk to you about something,” Josh said, turning his attention to the peeling label of his bottle. “Whatever it was, he was acting like he had a bug up his ass.”
Elijah swallowed and forced a shrug. “Sean’s like that--sometimes. But he’s a good guy.”
“What did he wanna talk about?”
“Just… stuff. I dunno, he’s having trouble with his wife,” Elijah replied. Well, it wasn’t really a lie, now was it?
Josh’s expression eased a bit; he looked to Elijah and raised his eyebrows. “Being away for such a long time does that, I guess. Puts a lot of strain on a person.”
“Yea,” Elijah answered, his stomach rolling under Josh’s gaze. “It was hard. It really was. I didn’t know if I’d make it at some points.”
“Yea,” Josh breathed out. He now moved a hand to Elijah’s shoulder, giving him a friendly squeeze. “You made it, though. It’s gonna be a huge success--everyone’s talking about the films.”
Elijah almost recoiled from Josh’s touch, guilt filling him at record speed. I need to get this out. He needs to know. “Are you mad… about something? You’d acted mad back at my place.”
Josh’s hand slid from Elijah’s shoulder and went to the back of the couch behind his head. Elijah was surprised to see a small smile form on his lips. Josh’s eyes averted, looking down on the couch. “Maybe I’m just a little jealous. Y’now? You’d just tell me all the time, how close everyone was. It seems like one of your cast mates is around every time I drop in.”
This was making things so, so much harder. Elijah took a painful swallow and leaned forward. “We got to be good friends--all of us,” he said. “But I’d missed you--a lot.”
“Missed you too,” Josh said with a smile. “We got some time left before I have to go, though. And I won’t be gone as long as YOU were.”
The small tease and jab to Elijah’s arm almost made him smile--almost. “It’s still hard though, and it was hard.”
Josh sighed and moved closer; he took a strand of Elijah’s hair and played with it, twirling it around and around. “But you’ve grown up, Lij. You really have.”
“No… no, I haven’t. There’s…” Elijah started, trying to keep his insides in check. “A lot that I’ve done wrong, and I’m not so sure… about things that I have done.”
“No one is. I’m not exactly ‘Joe Adult’ myself,” Josh said with a wink. “We’re both allowed a little craziness. I’d say we’ve turned out okay, compared with other Hollywood brats.”
“Maybe…”
“Hey… c’mere,” Josh said, taking Elijah’s arm. Elijah felt too numb to object this; he let Josh pull him in and get close, Elijah’s side meeting his chest. “What’s up? Something’s definitely bugging you.”
“Yea,” Elijah murmured. He put a hand on Josh’s chest, just over his heart. His ear pressed to it as well, listening to the small thumping inside. Now both of Josh‘s arms curled around him, hugging him even closer.
I don’t wanna lose this. I don’t.
“Talk to me, then,” Josh said, now brushing his fingertips at Elijah’s neck. He wasn’t normally this talkative, making Elijah bite his lip.
“I’m scared… of losing you,” Elijah replied.
It went quiet a few moments. Josh’s breathing had stopped a little at Elijah’s words, but picked up again with a small chuckle. “Hey, we’ve made it this far. We haven’t done so bad, I’d say.”
“I just… I dunno…” Elijah said. Why couldn’t he just say it, get it out in the open? Oh God, Josh was so warm…
The warmth left when Josh pushed Elijah up, gently, and then put both hands to either side of his face. “Need some convincing?” he playfully asked.
Before Elijah could say anything, Josh moved his lips to his, kissing gently. Elijah’s whole body stiffened--dying to kiss back, dying to pull away and scream the truth. “Josh…” he managed to murmur when Josh moved away a little. He only returned, harder this time, kissing Elijah with a forceful need. Always so good… it was always so good, but not now. Not with the pain of what he came here to do. It seemed that it was ready to go ignored and erase itself, especially when Josh’s hand snaked under Elijah’s t-shirt.
God. Why couldn’t he have BOTH of them? It was a greedy wish, but one that Elijah had felt way back when he and Sean started their relationship. He then bucked a little, feeling Josh’s fingers clench on a nipple. “Josh…” he gasped out, half in want, half in the need to stop this. “Josh, please…”
“Like it when you beg…” Josh teased, now lowering his mouth to Elijah’s neck.
Both of Elijah’s hands went to Josh’s neck, holding him tight. It urged Josh on, his tongue lapping gently just under Elijah’s ear. Perhaps… perhaps if he told him and held on tight enough, Josh wouldn’t care. Maybe he’d stay. If he said it, maybe… “I cheated on you,” Elijah blurted suddenly.
Everything stilled. The light kisses Josh had been applying stopped, though Elijah felt his lips resting on his neck. He held on, hoping, praying…
“What?”
The teasing, light voice was gone, completely. Elijah swallowed, coming up with the will to speak again. “I cheated on you… when we were filming in New Zealand, I cheated… on you.”
Josh pushed himself up on his hands, the one that had been caressing Elijah’s stomach now bracing to the couch to loom over the boy. His face was unreadable, though his eyes twitched into narrowing, opening, and then narrowing again. A few moments passed until finally, Josh moved away and sat back down on the other end of the couch.
“When?” he finally said, his voice thick and low.
Elijah moved up on his elbows, staring just past Josh to the window. It felt like the bright, sunny skies were ready to go gray with storm clouds at any moment. “Seven… maybe eight months ago,” he murmured.
“How many times?”
Oh fuck. “I…” Elijah started. “I’m still…”
He had to stop in seeing Josh’s head turn quick to stare at him with an icy glare. Elijah looked down onto his lap as he sat up fully, feeling incredibly small. Josh then blinked fast, looking to the coffee table. “Not a local while filming then, huh?”
“No.”
“So, who the fuck is it?” Josh rambled out, the words trembling slightly.
“Sh… Sean,” Elijah stammered. The dead silence caused by this admittance made an uncomfortable buzz in his ears. “I’m sorry,” he said after a few moments. “Josh, I’m sorry.”
Neither of them moved for a minute, maybe more, until Josh bent forward, snatched his unopened pack of cigarettes from the table and began smacking it to his palm--harder than he usually did, longer than he usually did. Elijah watched with dead eyes as he finally unwrapped them and brought one out. He stuck it in his lips then lay back, resting his head on the back of the couch. “So,” he muttered past the filter. With a wry, sarcastic smile, he continued. “You’re fucking around on me--with a married man. What fucking class that is, Lij. That takes fucking talent.”
The inevitable tears stung in Elijah’s eyes again; he turned them to dare look at the man, now sitting with his face upturned to the ceiling. “It wasn’t anything… planned. It all just happened, and we didn’t know it was going to. It just… did.”
“Do you know who Scarlett Johansson is?”
The sudden question, seemingly unrelated to the issue at hand made Elijah swallow again. “I... worked with her, years ago. In... North.”
“Mmm, that’d be her,” Josh said. He finally took his lighter from his pocket and lit up in one swift move of his arm. Now puffing away, he sat up and chuckled. “She fucking asked me out. Y’now that? Asked me out in September,” he said. He now turned to look at Elijah with a steely gaze. “She’s fucking hot, too; I still like my chicks, y’now, and fuck all if I wasn’t tempted. I could’ve bagged her right then and there, but no, I was with someone. Told her that I was.”
Elijah’s face tightened with regret. “Josh…”
“So while you were letting that fucker ream your ass, I was turning down a goddamned Hollywood rising starlet, because I was with you. Because I was willing to plan,” Josh said. “So don’t give me this ‘spur of the moment’ crap.”
“But it was--”
“And I could give a shit,” Josh interrupted, his voice firm and unemotional. “Like you couldn’t tell me, Lij? You’ve had almost eight months to, by your own words. Eight fucking months. Did you and him fuck every night? Hmm?”
“No!”
“Every other?”
Elijah went quiet… that wasn’t too far off the mark. His silence seemed to answer Josh’s question; he turned away, shaking his head. “Y’now what’s funny? I knew something was up. I did. I’d called your mom, back in September, right after Scarlett. I wanted to know when your next vacation was, so that maybe I could go where you were and surprise you. Imagine my confusion when she’d told me you’d just had a vacation.”
‘The one I didn’t tell him about…’ Elijah thought with dismay. “Yea…”
“So what, did you two take some ‘time off’ for yourselves? Did he skip out on his wife and kid to shank your ass for a week?”
“Josh, stop. Just stop,” Elijah finally blurted, the hurt rising up to his skin and making him shiver. “Stop talking like that. You’re making me sound like a whore, and I wasn’t. I was lonely, overworked and just so fucking fucked up all the time…”
“Maybe he wasn’t the only one you took to bed, either. Was there anyone else that I should know about?” Josh asked.
The question stilled Elijah completely. His head started shaking slowly. “Do you think… I’d do that? Just whore around like that?”
“Didn’t think you’d cheat on me. What am I supposed to think about all of this?” Josh spat back. Elijah didn’t care, now. His eyes overflowed in looking at Josh’s angry face, which suddenly turned into another half-smile. The man stood up with a grunt and picked up his beer. “Yea, I’m being a petty bastard. Not in the mood for being anything else, so I think you’d better leave now.”
Elijah turned, watching Josh go into the kitchen. He slugged the rest of his beer down and threw it in the recycling bin under the sink. Standing up on shaky legs, Elijah wiped his eyes with his hand and shook his head. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Josh.”
“Yup.”
“I…” Elijah went to say; Josh crossed his arms and stared back at him, his lips set in a thin, pale line. Elijah had to look away, hands shuddering underneath his arms. “I’ll go. I’ll go. I’m sorry…”
Nothing else was said. He turned to the door, opened it and walked out. His whole body felt numb, to the point that walking down the stairs made him have to grab the handrail to keep from keeling over. He’d never had to do this before, Josh being his first boyfriend. First anything, for years. It’d been said that it was normal for ‘first loves’ to fade; that in being young, tastes changed.
But they hadn’t… not entirely.
The warm sun felt like pins and needles on Elijah’s skin as he ventured back into the parking lot, nearly stumbling on small pebbles and cracks in the sidewalk. His bleary, tear-filled eyes weren’t helping him focus at all. He managed to find his car, get the door open and climb in.
He broke; utterly and completely broke, in all sense of the word. He’d thank the Gods later that his car was soundproofed with tinted windows, letting no one that would pass by hear him wail or see him bent over the wheel, crying his heart out. It was a long time before he felt composed enough to turn the key and drive back home, though he cried the entire way.
~*~
He’d been thankful for taking Dom’s offer to stay at his place while he’d ‘gone out’. Strong arms had held him in a tight hug, helped him to the bedroom and let him be alone with his woes. Dom promised to make something nice to eat later for dinner, but Elijah couldn’t have cared less. He’d thanked him anyway and curled up under his blanket, falling asleep almost immediately.
He was woken later, after night had fallen, to the sound of the doorbell ringing. His hope that Dom had stayed were answered as he heard the door open and murmurs of voices. He didn’t know if he’d be able to greet anyone that stopped in to see him, especially if it were Josh--especially Sean. He’d had enough of his own emotional turmoil today. If Sean had went ahead and told his wife what had been going on…
Elijah grunted and turned on his stomach, dragging the blanket over his head. His little cocoon made a tiny bit of comfort, but was interrupted by a knock at the bedroom door. He decided to feign sleep, keeping quiet in the hopes that whoever it was would go away.
“’Lijah?”
His head rose up and the blankets were shoved from his face. Looking to the door, he found Hannah standing just past the cracked-open door. “Han?” his dry throat managed to crackle out.
“Hey,” she said with a smile, walking in.
Elijah forced himself up on his side, bracing his body with a propped arm. His bleary eyes finally focused on his sister, who now shut the door behind her and came into the darkened room. “Close your eyes, I’m turning on a lamp. Gotta see my long-lost brother, first time in ages,” she said as she approached his nightstand.
“I’m not in the best shape right now…” he said, but didn’t protest when orange attacked through his eyelids.
“Ugh… no you aren’t. But I’ll take what I can get,” she said, now leaning in for a tight hug. “Missed you, big bro.”
“Missed you too,” he said, giving a light kiss to her cheek. She drew away and sat on the edge of the bed, letting Elijah settle back down. He opened his eyes in small cracks, adjusting himself to the light. “Just get back from your vacation?”
“Yea… had a blast,” she told him with a smile. “We might get together for New Year’s, too.”
“Cool,” Elijah answered, trying to hide the disappointment from his voice. ‘New Year’s… right. Spending THAT alone, more than likely…’ he thought.
Hannah, being Hannah, seemed to notice anyway--not that Dom hadn’t explained to her. He would have. “I hear you’re, um… pretty down,” she said.
Yup. “It’s been… better,” Elijah answered. He brought his hands up to rest his head upon with a groan. “I just… fucked everything up, is all.”
Hannah gave him a sympathetic gaze and scratched his scalp a little. “Yea--Dom filled me in a little bit. ‘Said that you and Josh are on the outs.”
“All my fault,” Elijah stated.
“How so?”
Once again, everything came out in a rush. His sister sat quietly, letting him explain every detail as well as he could speak them. He noticed her blinking faster when he exposed the name of who he’d been cheating on Josh with, and tried ignoring it. If he heard one more ‘he’s married!’ speech, he was going to hurt somebody. He finished it off with the last words between him and Josh before coming home to hide in bed. It left the room quiet a few moments after he finished, Hannah seemingly letting it all sink in.
She finally parted her lips and sighed. “Aw, Monkey…” she started. “It’s so complicated. Dunno what to say, really.”
“Good. Any more input or argument from people, and my head’ll explode,” he said.
“No, I’m not going to judge or anything. You know me better than that,” she replied. “As messed up as it is, though--Josh could’ve been nicer about it.”
Elijah scoffed. “I cheated on him, Han. He had a right to be angry.”
“But to go on about you, tramping around with everyone? SO not cool,” she stated definitively. “Be pissed, sure. But he didn’t need to say all of that. You were gone for so long, doing what you did; you kinda needed someone to turn to.”
“He didn’t.”
“He didn’t have to deal with what you did. I don’t care if fifty Hollywood tarts asked him out--he made different decisions, that’s all,” she explained. “Maybe yours wasn’t the most honest one, but you made your mistakes. Hell, he should be happy you’d told him at all. My friend Cassie needed to find out through about seven friends that HER boyfriend had been cheating on her.”
“I still know better,” he said.
Hannah rolled her eyes. “You’re not even twenty-years old yet, ‘Lijah. Josh was your first, and he’s lasted for years now. Everyone’s bound to make mistakes, y’now.”
“Maybe. Just wish I hadn’t hurt people with all… this,” he said, the words getting lost in a yawn.
“Well… do you want me to stick around? Or is Dom gonna take care of you?” she asked.
Elijah shrugged. “Dom being here is fine. You should go hang out with friends and stuff, not worry about your stupid brother,” he said, smiling just a little bit.
“Eh, shut up,” she said, standing up then leaning down to kiss his temple. “I’ll come by tomorrow, maybe we can have breakfast together. It’s been a while that we haven’t scarfed down a box of ‘Fruit Loops’ while watching Saturday morning cartoons.”
“Yea, it has, huh? Sure… might do me some good.”
“Good! Now just relax, don’t worry about things,” she said; her constant philosophy that always made Elijah smile.
“Mmkay… see ya, Han.”
“’Night,” she said, giving him a tiny wave as she left the room and shut the door.
Elijah rolled onto his back; he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. After waiting a few minutes, sure that Hannah was gone, he slipped out of bed and left the room. Perhaps a nice dinner WOULD be nice, considering the fact that his stomach was achingly empty.
Sure enough, Dom stood in the kitchen over a steaming pot. Elijah shuffled in and leaned on the doorway. “Hey,” he muttered.
Dom turned and raised his eyebrows. “’Ello… feeling any better?”
“No,” Elijah honestly replied. “Thanks for letting Han in, though. It was nice to see her.”
“Ah, well… she would’ve done something terrible to me if I hadn’t. So… are you hungry? I’m cooking up some… pasta… thing.”
“Well, when you put it that way…” Elijah drawled; he walked to the fridge and sighed, and then grabbed up the pizza takeout menu.
Dom clucked his tongue. “That’s the thanks I get, eh? Pssh, just fine, young man,” he said.
Before Elijah could respond, the doorbell sounded off again. Both of them turned to look towards the front; Dom turned back to look at Elijah while licking a spoon coated in spaghetti sauce. “Want me to…?”
Elijah shook his head and headed for the front, eyeing the door with a lump in his throat. If he was to be up and about, he would answer the door, no matter his apprehension. It wasn’t Dom’s responsibility to take care of every last little thing.
The doorknob felt frozen as he turned it; he looked onto the doorstep, finding Sean standing under the porch light. Elijah blinked wildly as the man looked to him, his eyes red and cheeks splotchy. Without a word, Sean stepped forth and took Elijah in a tight hug.
“I told her,” he shook out, squeezing Elijah hard. “Everything… I told her everything.”
Elijah fought the impulse to back off, knowing how hurt Sean was. It was hard to put one arm around his back, reciprocating as best as he could. Sean didn’t seem to notice.
~*~