Darkness, chapter 11
Author:
honey_mellon
Title: Darkness
Rating: R
Pairing: Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo, Hisagi Shuuhei
Warnings: Nothing you wouldn't expect from an R-rated yaoi fiction
Summary: Ichigo is a college freshman in a new country, new city. He meets Renji at a bar and goes home with his new friend. You know that saying, never trust a stranger? AU.
COMMUNITY DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.
Okay, we're almost at the end. I present to you, chapter 11 of Darkness.
A single tear carved a path down Orihime's cheeks, joining countless others that she had already shed. She curled her fingers around the tiny little pendant that Ichigo had given her just a week ago - a pink crystal in the shape of a tear drop, ironically - and brought her fist to her mouth, barely muffling a sob.
She should've known it was too good to be true.
Ichigo was, to her, what the sun was to a planet, and always had been. Ever since she laid eyes on him in high school, she had felt an incredible attraction to him. That stubborn scowl, the perpetually furrowed brows, sparked something in her; she had always wished that she could be the one to put a smile on his face. And, for a brief moment, she was.
Until now.
Ichigo had shown up on her doorstep two hours ago, face serious and determined. Something about his expression told her that her dream was about to come to an end, and it did. Although, it wasn't in a way that she had ever imagined.
Ichigo had been honest and open. He didn't beat around the bush or cook up some half-assed excuse; he didn't pull the "it's not you, it's me" line on her, and for that she was grateful. Her heart broke as he told her about what happened to him in the states; the boy put on a stoic face, but she could hear the slight tremor in his voice.
How anyone could do that to someone as pure as Ichigo was beyond her comprehension. When he was done, she was torn between feeling sad over the end of their relationship and feeling sad for Ichigo and Renji, but one look into the boy's eyes told her enough. The passion that looked back at her was raw and sincere; she knew that he had just bared his soul to her, opened up his old wounds for her sake. He could've given her any explanation and she wouldn't have questioned him; the fact that he had told her the truth meant a lot more to her than Ichigo could ever imagine.
But of course it still hurt, and it would not stop hurting for a while. Her heart ached, but even as she mourned for her own loss, she knew there was someone out there who was hurting even more. In her heart, she already knew what she needed to do.
The smell of fresh ramen broth lifted Orihime's spirit when she stepped into Tesshou Ramen Shop. It was still early; she had actually never been to the shop so early before, but there was something she wanted to do before work hours began.
"Tsukabishi-san?" she called out tentatively.
The kitchen was dimly-lit, but she thought she saw a hint of movement in there.
"Inoue-san!" her employer emerged between the curtain, surprise clear on his face. "What are you doing here so early? Your shift doesn't start for…" He took a peek at his watch. "…for another four more hours!"
Orihime smiled. "I know," she said. "I'm here to look for Abarai-kun."
"Renji?" Tessai scratched his head and frowned. "You know, I haven't seen him since yesterday. He ran off even before his shift began yesterday, and hasn't shown up since."
"Oh." Orihime bit her lip. Ichigo had told her how he had run into Renji yesterday, but it didn't occur to her that Renji would miss work entirely after that. "I'll wait for him, then," she said.
For a moment, Tessai looked like he wanted to ask her why, but the girl's uncharacteristically sombre face held him back. Orihime was usually happy to share her thoughts, and if she was not offering to share now, it would be rude of him to pry. So he simply nodded and returned to the kitchen.
Orihime followed suit. Since she was here, she might as well help out in the kitchen while she waited. She went to the small closet and picked out a uniform and apron, and went to the restroom to change. Then she took out fresh ingredients from the fridge and set to work.
When Renji still hadn't shown up after she finished dicing a generous pile of garlic, she began to feel worried. By then, since it was Saturday, Hanatarou had arrived for his shift.
Orihime didn't say anything, but Tessai could tell from her constant glances at the door that she was anxious and upset, so he turned to Hanatarou. "Can you check on Renji? He didn't come to work yesterday, and he's late today, I'm a little worried."
Orihime gave Tessai a smile and nodded gratefully to Hanatarou, who sped off immediately.
Not half an hour later, the door burst open and Hanatarou stumbled inside, his face pink from exertion. "He left!" he gasped, bending over to grab his knees as he struggled to recover his breath. When he looked up again, his eyes were wide and panicky. "Ukitake-san said he left them a note and probably left the house some time during the night!"
The knife clattered onto the chopping board as Orihime rushed over to the boy. "What did the note say? Did he say where he was going?"
Tessai came out from the kitchen as well, looking confused but concerned by the unexpected news.
"No, he just apologized for troubling them all this time," Hanatarou said, still breathing harshly. "Ukitake-san doesn't know what happened. What do we do now?"
Before Tessai could respond, Orihime was already running out of the shop, her phone clutched tightly against her ear.
"What?" Ichigo shot up to his feet, his manners forgotten as he knocked his chair back into the desk of another teacher in the staff room. His student's test became a crumpled mess under his curled fingers.
Orihime sounded just as frantic on the other end of the line. "His landlord said he might have left in the middle of the night!"
"Shit!" Ichigo slammed his fist on his desk, oblivious to the stunned faces turned in his direction.
"I'm going to the bus station!" Orihime said, sounding out of breath. Ichigo could hear sounds of cars honking and people talking in the background. "Do you know where he could've gone? His hometown maybe?"
Ichigo grabbed his head and thought hard. "He has no family," he said, remembering what Starrk had told him. "But he was originally from Tokyo."
"In that case, you check the train station!" Orihime shouted into the phone. "I'll call you if I find anything!"
Ichigo nodded, forgetting that Orihime couldn't see him, and then he ran from the staff room, ignoring the curious stares from his colleagues. He nearly ran into Hitsugaya-kouchou on his way out, who darted aside just in time. Ichigo didn't stop.
He skidded to a halt next to his car and wrenched the door open. Tires squealing, he peeled out of the school parking lot and into the streets. He weaved dangerously in and out of traffic, cutting off other cars and ignoring honks of protest as he sped towards the train station. It was not too far from the school, about fifteen, twenty minutes away, but it might as well be all the way across the country to Ichigo.
Renji had left during the night; that meant he could be hours away from Karakura by now. The one comforting thing was that Karakura was small, so there were probably only a handful of trains leaving the station between the time he dropped Renji off at Ukitake's house and now. Even though Renji no longer had family in Tokyo, that was still his most likely destination. Ichigo hoped fervently that none of those trains were headed there.
But even as he continued to drive his foot into the accelerator, he knew the chances of him finding Renji there were slim.
Ichigo burst into the train station, his hair wild and his shirt untucked from the sprint from the parking structure. The station was bustling with travelers; people in business suits, tourists, families with children - it would be impossible to find someone in that mess. But he was determined. He would do everything and anything. He had already lost Renji once, he wasn't about to lose him again.
He ran up to the nearest information screen to check the train schedule. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, and for that brief moment his world was reduced to that tiny little screen. His heart soared as he saw that the three trains that left during the night were not heading to Tokyo, but it immediately fell to the pit of his stomach when he saw the next entry: Tokyo, departure time 8:05am.
Ichigo whipped up his arm - it was 8am on the dot according to his watch.
Five minutes.
He ran. Extending his arms, Ichigo pushed his way through the throng of bodies surrounding him, heading straight for the turnstiles that separated ticket holders from the general crowd. He needed to get to the platform now.
"Hey! Sir, you need a ticket!"
Ignoring the yells from one of the workers at the ticket booth, Ichigo vaulted over a turnstile and landed with a loud thud on the other side. Passengers stared at him; some with shock and curiosity, others with fear. The crowd parted automatically for him as he barreled down the platform, his eyes searching for signs.
"Tokyo! I'm looking for the Tokyo train!" Ichigo grabbed the sleeves of another worker, who hadn't noticed his dramatic entrance.
The man stared at him. "There's one arriving at 10, sir," the man said, not understanding the urgency in Ichigo's voice.
"No!" Ichigo panted, shaking the worker's arm. "The 8:05 train!"
The man blinked, then pointed to his left. Ichigo turned to look at the back of a train, still stopped on the tracks. The word "Tokyo" was displayed on a screen hanging over the platform next to the train.
Ichigo sped off, shoving aside a group of middle-aged women who did not dodge in time. He threw a hasty apology over his shoulder but didn't stop. He could see the conductor peeking out from one of the doors on the train, checking for stragglers.
"Wait!" Ichigo yelled, waving his arms above his head. But the conductor had his back to Ichigo and didn't hear him. The uniformed man did one final sweep of the platform to make sure that nobody was standing near the doors, then he disappeared into the train.
"No! Wait!" Desperation pumped adrenaline into Ichigo's legs, and he shot towards the train in a speed that he had never experienced before. "Stop!" His voice broke as sobs threatened to spill from his throat. He had no concrete proof that Renji was even on that train, but somehow, he just knew. He knew deep down that Renji was right there and was about to slip through his fingers again.
A monotonic female voice announced the departure of the train, and with a sudden jerk, the train began to pull away from the station.
"No! Please! Stop!" Ichigo screamed, his lungs protesting as he ran. He was getting closer and closer to the train, almost close enough to see into the windows now. He kept running, but at the same time the train was beginning to speed up. He reached out, his fingers almost close enough to touch the train. His hopes soared for a second, and then his fingers closed around nothing but air as the tracks angled away from the platform and the train went beyond his reach.
"Renji! Please don't leave!" Ichigo's scream rang out into the empty space. A part of him knew that he never stood a chance of catching up with the train right from the beginning, but a bigger part of him clung on to that little sliver of hope; if fate intended for them to meet again, surely it wouldn't be so cruel as to wrench Renji out of his grasp in the end?
But as the train receded from his sight, Ichigo could no longer deny that it was too late. Feeling utterly defeated, he fell to his knees, numb to the pain of the impact.
This was so unfair. He had gone through so much. They had gone through so much. Even if Renji had had a hand in his traumatizing ordeal in the states, he had ultimately sacrificed his life for Ichigo - his entire future, his happiness, even died for him. And Ichigo had mourned him every day, thinking that he really was dead. Why was it so difficult for the redhead to understand that Ichigo wanted him in his life? He didn't want to be protected, to forget that part of his life.
"You selfish bastard!" he cried, unable to contain his anguish. "Who gave you the right to decide what's best for me? Who told you that I'd be happier without you? Who!" He lurched forward and pounded his fists on the floor in frustration. "You selfish, selfish bastard!"
Ichigo trembled, torn between sadness and fury. He slammed his fists on the hard concrete again, wishing that it was Renji that he was pummeling instead. The unfairness of it all - the fact that they had to part again all because Renji had chosen this road for them both without Ichigo's consent - was taking over his sorrow and replacing it with white, hot anger. He knew he was being a little dramatic, but he just couldn't keep his emotions bottled up anymore.
"Stupid asshole!" Ichigo choked out. If Renji were here, oh god, if Renji were here, Ichigo was so going to punch him, maybe that would finally punch some sense into the idiot. But of course Renji wasn't here, because he had left him once again.
He heard footsteps approaching him from behind. He didn't turn, didn't look up; after all that pushing and running - and not to mention, his illegal entrance into the ticket holder-only platform, the authorities were no doubt coming after him now.
Damn them all. He would let him drag him wherever they wanted, he had no strength left to fight them.
The footsteps stopped directly behind him.
"Ichigo?"
Renji stood behind the figure who was on his hands and knees cussing up a storm. Was this really how Ichigo felt, that he was selfish? But that was never his intention, not at all. All he wanted was to give Ichigo the perfect life that he deserved. The boy didn't need this walking, talking mistake that was the embodiment of the darkest moments of his life.
Wasn't this the right thing to do? Wasn't this the best for Ichigo? Renji stared at the boy, stunned beyond belief.
Earlier, he had just hung up the phone in the public phone booth when he heard a commotion somewhere near the turnstiles. He didn't pay it any heed; he had enough trouble on his hands as it was. He didn't have the energy nor interest in poking his nose into other people's business.
After rushing out of Ukitake's house in the middle of the night, he had meant to jump on the first train to Tokyo, but there weren't any heading there until 8:05am. So he had made himself comfortable in the waiting hall, claiming two seats for himself. He was so tired that he had ended up dozing off, and by the time he was jarred awake by the sounds of people gradually filling up the train station, it was already close to seven in the morning. Remembering in horror that he had yet to get his ticket, he jumped to his feet and rushed to the automated ticket booth.
It was there, standing in front of the ticket machine, that he finally realized that he didn't have enough money for the ticket.
How pathetic was that?
After an epic battle between his brain and his pride, he decided that there was only one person he could turn to - Rukia. He couldn't afford a cell phone, so he had gone to the public phone booth and dialed Rukia's number. Half way through, as he listened to the dial tone ringing in his ear, he hung up.
He couldn't do it. He was an adult and it was time to act like one; he couldn't go running to Rukia whenever he needed help.
Running. Wasn't that all he had been doing? His cheeks flared up in shame. And then he heard them - heartbreaking, hoarse pleas for the train to stop.
Ichigo.
Renji's first reaction had been to force his way through the crowd that was beginning to form in front of the turnstiles. People were watching, shocked and confused. So what if the kid missed this train? There was another one coming in less than two hours. They didn't understand.
Renji shoved a few onlookers aside and climbed over the turnstiles. He heard someone yell, probably a guard or a worker, asking him to stop, but he ignored it. He could see Ichigo running ahead of him towards a departing train, screaming for it to stop.
By the time he finally caught up with Ichigo, the boy was pounding the floor like he wanted to crack it open. And then Renji heard everything that spilled freely from Ichigo's lips.
He had never thought of it this way. He had been so sure that it was the honorable thing to do, but this - what he was seeing and hearing now was the exact opposite of what he wanted for Ichigo.
So he did the first thing that came to his mind.
"Ichigo?" he whispered tentatively.
Ichigo blinked. He was hallucinating. This was it, he had finally snapped. He was beginning to hear things, imagining that Renji was here when he was not.
"Ichigo."
The voice was a little louder this time, then there was soft rustling of cloth, more footsteps, and a pair of feet appeared in front of him. A bag fell to the floor with a dull thud, and someone crouched down in front of him.
"Ichi," Renji's voice said again.
Ichigo finally lifted his head.
He wasn't imagining things. Renji was right there in front of him, looking at him with his brows pulled together in concern. The man looked tired, his hair a little greasy and messy, his clothes wrinkled, but this was no mistake. Ichigo reached out and touched the tattooed forehead, tracing the inked design like he had never seen them before. His fingers brushed lightly along Renji's eyebrows, following the curve down to his cheek, down to the full lips…
And then Ichigo snapped his arm back and swung, his fist connecting with Renji's jaw with a resounding smack.
"You idiot!" Ichigo screamed, scrambling to his feet as Renji fell backwards onto his ass. "Why would you do something so stupid?"
Renji rubbed his jaw and winced. He didn't reply, didn't defend himself; he just stared at Ichigo, his expression a mix of embarrassment, guilt, and surprise.
Ichigo's chest was immediately filled with regret, and he stepped forward to pull Renji up from the floor. Then he tugged hard; Renji crashed into him with a soft "oof", and Ichigo wrapped his arms around the redhead, trapping him flush against his body. He buried his face into Renji's neck and took a deep breath. After a night at the train station without showering, Renji didn't exactly smell the best, but it was the most comforting smell to Ichigo right now.
"I'm sorry," Renji said in a whisper, nuzzling Ichigo's hair. "I know this sounds, ah, stupid-"
"Shut up," Ichigo interrupted. "That's not what I want to hear."
Renji's breath hitched in his throat. "Ichigo, I-"
Ichigo pressed a finger over Renji's lips. "Only when you're ready," he said quietly. Then he pulled away and looked at Renji. "I know we have issues to work out, and it's not going to be easy. But I just can't live knowing that we never tried," he said in a rush, his cheeks suddenly pink.
Renji's mouth twitched, and Ichigo swore that he saw the redhead's eyes redden.
That was all the reply he needed.
To be continued...
How was that for a little bit of fluff? =) Not overdone, I hope!
By the way, "kouchou" means school principal, hence Hitsugaya's title.
I'll do a final wrap-up with an epilogue next, but this is pretty much it! A little sneak preview: the epilogue will have some lemony goodness. *cough* *cough*