My first ever angry bitchy relationship rant! And other unrelated things.
I'm in a really bad mood. At my boyfriend, no less. This will probably get deleted soon. Or at least this part of the post. Since I'm just ranting and I'm sure you don't want to read my life story, I'll put it behind a cute little cut for you. There's more interesting stuff afterwards not in the cut anyways. Joy.
(I'm a knife......knifin' around....)
(
So. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 8 months now. Long distance. I'm in Oregon, he's in California.
He's been working on this play lately. He's not allowed to use his cell phone during the day, only after 7. But he goes to his play at 6:30 and gets home at 11. By the time he calls me (usually around 12), he is going 'OOOOOH I'M SOOOO TIRED. I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP OKAY BYE', and I just don't play that game. If I were him, I would call him at practice in breaks, go to the bathroom and say hi then, stay up late, have an energy drink.....nope. If I complain that he doesn't do anything for me when I would do anything for him, he goes OH WELL YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH BRAT. YOU DON'T KNOOOOOOOOW ME KNOW WHAT I DO ALL DAY (which is making tacos and dressing up like the mad hatter. BTW he works at taco hell lololol) We also used to spend A. LOT. of time on MSN, with our webcams. Well, his bitch ass parents kicked him out for not wanting to do every single little tiny thing they ask him to (like 'oh well we would NEVER force anything on you, we LOVE you and want the BEST for you and if you don't want to do something, just say so. BTW if you don't go to college we're kicking you out. you buy. <3'), he has lost access to the computer because he's staying at his dad's/stepmom's, and they are old fogie christians who aren't aware that it's 2009 and you can get internet faster than dial up.
I asked him to take a few photos to show me, he refused. 'I don't have the time.' 'The computer sucks anways.' 'I can't find the camera.' 'I found the camera, but it's out of batteries.' 'I can't find the charger.' 'OMG STOP PUSHING ME IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL OKAY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE etcetctldr'. That's all I ever hear. (Keep in mind, I have his sister AND stepmom on myspace, both of whom he is currently finding refuge with. They both update their pictures almost once a week.)
The thing is, no, I DON'T know what he looks like. I used to have a constant, clear image in my head of what he looked like at all times, but only because he got on cam with me; he's the kind of guy who looks slightly different every time you see him.
I come from a family whose motto was 'If you want something, ask for it, and with the healing power of love we will find a way to get it for you.' This whole thing where he comes up with little tiny excuses to not do anything for me or pay me any attention? Not working for me so much. I COMPROMISE when I have a problem. He lays down like a doormat and takes it. I am willing to find a way to make things work. He just says 'Oh well I guess this is the way it has to be. Sorry baby, gotta go to my play and be fawned over by 14 year old girls in a big hat now~'
When we first began dating, he was obsessed with me. The first time we ever talked, we spent 6 hours on the phone. He wrote me a poem a week after we'd started dating. He used to talk about how he thought I was beautiful and start crying. Now he pays just as much attention to me as he would a family member. (Which isn't good because he completely rejects the idea of family or friends.)
He always SAYS 'Oh no honey don't say blahblah you know I blahblah for blahblah, heartheartheart.' but I don't care what he SAYS. Actions speak louder than words, and right now he is like comparing a sock on someone's hand to a muppet. It's just not there. And if it is, it isn't enough.
The worst part is? I'm visiting him next month. In half a month. Under one month. I am looking forward to it and I don't NOT want to go. But jesus fucking christ, talk about a buzzkill. He's not making me want to go see him by fucking acting this way. All I want is a little piece of what we had before he was kicked out. And he just won't give it to me.
Sure. I am a brat. But do you know why? Because life is too fucking short to go without what you want. (unless it's little girls. that's just bad, yo.)
I'm not afraid to whine when I don't get my way. But only when it comes to him. Why? Because I don't care how much candy I get or the quality of my clothes, but if you try and make me settle for less than what I agreed to in the romance department, you have an assload of hell to pay.
It doesn't help that my every day life is less than savory anyways. I'm PRESUMABLY moving soon, to a house in the bad part of town not near anything, when I'm living in a place now with a pool, a block away from the main road. The house that I'm living in now is fucking disgusting because neither me or my dad have any will to clean. My dad just cleans the parts of the house that he spends most of his time in, and lets whatever else happen to the house. I don't put things away and I let things just collect places and fall on the floor. We also do not own a vaccum (I know, don't fucking ask.) So.....our carpet is so nasty that walking around on it makes little bits of dirt and whatever stick to your feet. Everything is messy. I just fucking hate it. If I ask my dad why he won't clean, he just retaliates with 'Well why don't YOU clean?'. He wants me to be my mom. And I'm not. I don't give a fuck. But in reality, I do. I fucking hate being in a mess. It's driving me insane. But at the same time, I have NO fucking will AT ALL to do ANYTHING about it. I hate it. I really, really do.
So, as you can see, I let myself go in a lot of aspects of my life. This is why I can't fucking stand it when my boyfriend acts like this. I get fucked over and fucked up enough in my every day life. I don't need his shit. I need him to be a real boyfriend, not some lazy unfaithful fat husband figure. Don't need that at all. I'll be frank- I want him to be obsessed with me again. I want him to actually care for me like how I'd be willing to care for him if he needed me this badly. I can't help but feel that if I died tomorrow, he wouldn't even remember what I looked like. Then he would go off and complain about the waste of money that plane ticket was.
In other news.
honeyhannelore: you will be PLEASED to know that i wrote a giant sex fanfic out of mind numbing boredom
honeyhannelore: AND IT WAS NOT YAOI
honeyhannelore: IT WAS HETERO BETWEEN A MANLY MAN AND A WOMANLY WOMAN
honeyhannelore: AREN'T YOU PROUD
vhannoy: FUCK YES I AM
I have been watching so much shit on youtube lately it's stupid.
I TRIED SO HARD NOT TO LIKE THIS.
This, however, I did not have to be convinced of at all. It's fucking adorable. I just wish I knew what it was from.
finally, a DJ Sharpnel song that is good and lasts for more than a minute.
10 out of 9 snotty anime nerds agree this is an amazing parody opening. I just wish it was better quality. Boo.
I'm considering getting a BJD of some kind. I'm getting a large amount of money soon, and I have to save about $4,000 of it for a car, but the rest of it I can do whatever with. I want a cheap-er one, Volks are too expensive on me. My family loves Japanese culture, but they would never in a million years understand if I wanted to blow $300+ on a giant creepy pale doll. I'm considering getting a latidoll, which would be $235 for just the doll and the faceup, not including shipping and other accouterments. I'm also considering this little darling, but she's a bit pricier at $340- but she's fucking gorgeous and she is sized to wear almost any doll clothes, so it would not be difficult to outfit her cheaply. I'll have to talk to my parents about it and see just how much they would kill me if I got one. Ffffff. I've wanted one of these for so long. I really wish I could get a nice big fancy sexy one, but I will just never part with that much money for something so trivial, you know. At least not with my organizational skills being the way they are.
The problem with my room/living situation is that I have one small bookshelf that I've had since I was 8, even then I had two, my mom took one. I have a computer desk which is just...a desk. A closet of clothes, two hanging organizers, and drawers......I could upgrade my drawers probably......
TL;DR I have too much shit for how poor I am because I shop cheaply and now I have to cram all of my shit into a tiny room and I was like NO FUCK YOU CLOSET HOLD MORE SHIT and now 75% of my room is on my boogery dirty herpes infested floor. BRB suicide plz.
I wish my boyfriend would talk to me.
(I'm a knife......knifin' around....)
(
So. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 8 months now. Long distance. I'm in Oregon, he's in California.
He's been working on this play lately. He's not allowed to use his cell phone during the day, only after 7. But he goes to his play at 6:30 and gets home at 11. By the time he calls me (usually around 12), he is going 'OOOOOH I'M SOOOO TIRED. I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP OKAY BYE', and I just don't play that game. If I were him, I would call him at practice in breaks, go to the bathroom and say hi then, stay up late, have an energy drink.....nope. If I complain that he doesn't do anything for me when I would do anything for him, he goes OH WELL YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH BRAT. YOU DON'T KNOOOOOOOOW ME KNOW WHAT I DO ALL DAY (which is making tacos and dressing up like the mad hatter. BTW he works at taco hell lololol) We also used to spend A. LOT. of time on MSN, with our webcams. Well, his bitch ass parents kicked him out for not wanting to do every single little tiny thing they ask him to (like 'oh well we would NEVER force anything on you, we LOVE you and want the BEST for you and if you don't want to do something, just say so. BTW if you don't go to college we're kicking you out. you buy. <3'), he has lost access to the computer because he's staying at his dad's/stepmom's, and they are old fogie christians who aren't aware that it's 2009 and you can get internet faster than dial up.
I asked him to take a few photos to show me, he refused. 'I don't have the time.' 'The computer sucks anways.' 'I can't find the camera.' 'I found the camera, but it's out of batteries.' 'I can't find the charger.' 'OMG STOP PUSHING ME IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL OKAY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE etcetctldr'. That's all I ever hear. (Keep in mind, I have his sister AND stepmom on myspace, both of whom he is currently finding refuge with. They both update their pictures almost once a week.)
The thing is, no, I DON'T know what he looks like. I used to have a constant, clear image in my head of what he looked like at all times, but only because he got on cam with me; he's the kind of guy who looks slightly different every time you see him.
I come from a family whose motto was 'If you want something, ask for it, and with the healing power of love we will find a way to get it for you.' This whole thing where he comes up with little tiny excuses to not do anything for me or pay me any attention? Not working for me so much. I COMPROMISE when I have a problem. He lays down like a doormat and takes it. I am willing to find a way to make things work. He just says 'Oh well I guess this is the way it has to be. Sorry baby, gotta go to my play and be fawned over by 14 year old girls in a big hat now~'
When we first began dating, he was obsessed with me. The first time we ever talked, we spent 6 hours on the phone. He wrote me a poem a week after we'd started dating. He used to talk about how he thought I was beautiful and start crying. Now he pays just as much attention to me as he would a family member. (Which isn't good because he completely rejects the idea of family or friends.)
He always SAYS 'Oh no honey don't say blahblah you know I blahblah for blahblah, heartheartheart.' but I don't care what he SAYS. Actions speak louder than words, and right now he is like comparing a sock on someone's hand to a muppet. It's just not there. And if it is, it isn't enough.
The worst part is? I'm visiting him next month. In half a month. Under one month. I am looking forward to it and I don't NOT want to go. But jesus fucking christ, talk about a buzzkill. He's not making me want to go see him by fucking acting this way. All I want is a little piece of what we had before he was kicked out. And he just won't give it to me.
Sure. I am a brat. But do you know why? Because life is too fucking short to go without what you want. (unless it's little girls. that's just bad, yo.)
I'm not afraid to whine when I don't get my way. But only when it comes to him. Why? Because I don't care how much candy I get or the quality of my clothes, but if you try and make me settle for less than what I agreed to in the romance department, you have an assload of hell to pay.
It doesn't help that my every day life is less than savory anyways. I'm PRESUMABLY moving soon, to a house in the bad part of town not near anything, when I'm living in a place now with a pool, a block away from the main road. The house that I'm living in now is fucking disgusting because neither me or my dad have any will to clean. My dad just cleans the parts of the house that he spends most of his time in, and lets whatever else happen to the house. I don't put things away and I let things just collect places and fall on the floor. We also do not own a vaccum (I know, don't fucking ask.) So.....our carpet is so nasty that walking around on it makes little bits of dirt and whatever stick to your feet. Everything is messy. I just fucking hate it. If I ask my dad why he won't clean, he just retaliates with 'Well why don't YOU clean?'. He wants me to be my mom. And I'm not. I don't give a fuck. But in reality, I do. I fucking hate being in a mess. It's driving me insane. But at the same time, I have NO fucking will AT ALL to do ANYTHING about it. I hate it. I really, really do.
So, as you can see, I let myself go in a lot of aspects of my life. This is why I can't fucking stand it when my boyfriend acts like this. I get fucked over and fucked up enough in my every day life. I don't need his shit. I need him to be a real boyfriend, not some lazy unfaithful fat husband figure. Don't need that at all. I'll be frank- I want him to be obsessed with me again. I want him to actually care for me like how I'd be willing to care for him if he needed me this badly. I can't help but feel that if I died tomorrow, he wouldn't even remember what I looked like. Then he would go off and complain about the waste of money that plane ticket was.
In other news.
honeyhannelore: you will be PLEASED to know that i wrote a giant sex fanfic out of mind numbing boredom
honeyhannelore: AND IT WAS NOT YAOI
honeyhannelore: IT WAS HETERO BETWEEN A MANLY MAN AND A WOMANLY WOMAN
honeyhannelore: AREN'T YOU PROUD
vhannoy: FUCK YES I AM
I have been watching so much shit on youtube lately it's stupid.
I TRIED SO HARD NOT TO LIKE THIS.
This, however, I did not have to be convinced of at all. It's fucking adorable. I just wish I knew what it was from.
finally, a DJ Sharpnel song that is good and lasts for more than a minute.
10 out of 9 snotty anime nerds agree this is an amazing parody opening. I just wish it was better quality. Boo.
I'm considering getting a BJD of some kind. I'm getting a large amount of money soon, and I have to save about $4,000 of it for a car, but the rest of it I can do whatever with. I want a cheap-er one, Volks are too expensive on me. My family loves Japanese culture, but they would never in a million years understand if I wanted to blow $300+ on a giant creepy pale doll. I'm considering getting a latidoll, which would be $235 for just the doll and the faceup, not including shipping and other accouterments. I'm also considering this little darling, but she's a bit pricier at $340- but she's fucking gorgeous and she is sized to wear almost any doll clothes, so it would not be difficult to outfit her cheaply. I'll have to talk to my parents about it and see just how much they would kill me if I got one. Ffffff. I've wanted one of these for so long. I really wish I could get a nice big fancy sexy one, but I will just never part with that much money for something so trivial, you know. At least not with my organizational skills being the way they are.
The problem with my room/living situation is that I have one small bookshelf that I've had since I was 8, even then I had two, my mom took one. I have a computer desk which is just...a desk. A closet of clothes, two hanging organizers, and drawers......I could upgrade my drawers probably......
TL;DR I have too much shit for how poor I am because I shop cheaply and now I have to cram all of my shit into a tiny room and I was like NO FUCK YOU CLOSET HOLD MORE SHIT and now 75% of my room is on my boogery dirty herpes infested floor. BRB suicide plz.
I wish my boyfriend would talk to me.