Ramble Ramble
Hubs is out tonight. This seems to be a regular thing. Every. Saturday. night. I would love to join him at some point - but sitters are limited. :/ Grandparents are in poor health and they kept the girls tonight so I could have dinner with an old girlfriend of mine - but after an hour or two, they've had it. Vertigo is acting up on grandma and she's still regaining strength from a horrible bout of shingles. Fun times. They reminded me tonight that they're 77. That seems like such a high number... I don't like thinking about it. It makes me sad.
I'm procrastinating school in a big way. I'm over it. 4 classes left, and I'm done - but I'm so over it. School doesn't stress me out. It's the thought of my classes coupled with working full time, Scott working insane hours, the kids after school activities, keeping the house together.. etc... that stresses me out. Plus Scott and I have not been well... we had an ordeal a year ago that nearly broke me down and tore me to pieces and it's taken a year to get over it... so to keep from making him look like a total asshole, I haven't been posting. He's not - it was situational and there are several events that led up to it - and his thoughts of it were not the same as mine - finally broke down last night when he told me he was tired of feeling neglected and just let it all out -- it felt good, and I'm glad I did -- I think we're going to be ok - but there have been several moments where I wasn't so sure.. and the kids keep me going every day :) They're my babies, they are my focus, and that's how it's been. He's been second to them... and although I feel that's how it often should be... he's probably realistically been like 4th... church, kids, school, scott... if not something before Scott. Then again, he's never here... I. hate. his. job. period. But it pays the bills and wins us cruises, and I have to consider that too -- and in two years we've come a long way..
Two years ago we moved out of my townhome after he lost his job, and in with my grandparents. The four of us (Scott, myself, and the girls) were living in one bedroom... and had a storage unit a few miles away. He started working, I started going to school and 8 months later we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment that had previously smoking tenants. We're smokers. I get it. But not inside... and especially not inside an apartment. That's crazy. Those buildings share a vent system.. not cool. It was an ordeal, I hated it - everything we had was smokey - everything. He had a beat up old truck that only ran when it wanted to, and I had an Escape with a failing transmission. We bought a Chevy HHR when my car bit the dust - because it's what we could afford. He works at a Chevy dealership - so we got a good deal and it was big enough for the 5 of us - until Riley outgrew the center seat :) And the girls got a little taller - then we felt like we were in a shoebox. (It's the car that looks like a hearse.. and mine was black... ).
6 months later, we weasle our way out of the lease and rented a home. 2-story, 3 bedroom home. His truck died in June, and he bought a new one... and we recently traded the truck back in for a Chevy Traverse because my HHR was too small for family trips to my mothers with Brianna's insane ability to get motion sick, quick. Trips by myself with the girls in a car for 5-7 hours in the middle of the night, stopping to clean up vomit was not my idea of fun...
So from a one bedroom space, to a 3 bedroom 2-story house, with 2 new cars - and a massively improved credit score -- I'd say he's doing pretty well..... now if I could just have him home. ... someday :/
Meanwhile - I'll do the single mom thing (because that's how I feel most of the time) - finish school - do something real - and feel better... just ready for the overwhelming feeling to end... but does it truly ever?
I'm procrastinating school in a big way. I'm over it. 4 classes left, and I'm done - but I'm so over it. School doesn't stress me out. It's the thought of my classes coupled with working full time, Scott working insane hours, the kids after school activities, keeping the house together.. etc... that stresses me out. Plus Scott and I have not been well... we had an ordeal a year ago that nearly broke me down and tore me to pieces and it's taken a year to get over it... so to keep from making him look like a total asshole, I haven't been posting. He's not - it was situational and there are several events that led up to it - and his thoughts of it were not the same as mine - finally broke down last night when he told me he was tired of feeling neglected and just let it all out -- it felt good, and I'm glad I did -- I think we're going to be ok - but there have been several moments where I wasn't so sure.. and the kids keep me going every day :) They're my babies, they are my focus, and that's how it's been. He's been second to them... and although I feel that's how it often should be... he's probably realistically been like 4th... church, kids, school, scott... if not something before Scott. Then again, he's never here... I. hate. his. job. period. But it pays the bills and wins us cruises, and I have to consider that too -- and in two years we've come a long way..
Two years ago we moved out of my townhome after he lost his job, and in with my grandparents. The four of us (Scott, myself, and the girls) were living in one bedroom... and had a storage unit a few miles away. He started working, I started going to school and 8 months later we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment that had previously smoking tenants. We're smokers. I get it. But not inside... and especially not inside an apartment. That's crazy. Those buildings share a vent system.. not cool. It was an ordeal, I hated it - everything we had was smokey - everything. He had a beat up old truck that only ran when it wanted to, and I had an Escape with a failing transmission. We bought a Chevy HHR when my car bit the dust - because it's what we could afford. He works at a Chevy dealership - so we got a good deal and it was big enough for the 5 of us - until Riley outgrew the center seat :) And the girls got a little taller - then we felt like we were in a shoebox. (It's the car that looks like a hearse.. and mine was black... ).
6 months later, we weasle our way out of the lease and rented a home. 2-story, 3 bedroom home. His truck died in June, and he bought a new one... and we recently traded the truck back in for a Chevy Traverse because my HHR was too small for family trips to my mothers with Brianna's insane ability to get motion sick, quick. Trips by myself with the girls in a car for 5-7 hours in the middle of the night, stopping to clean up vomit was not my idea of fun...
So from a one bedroom space, to a 3 bedroom 2-story house, with 2 new cars - and a massively improved credit score -- I'd say he's doing pretty well..... now if I could just have him home. ... someday :/
Meanwhile - I'll do the single mom thing (because that's how I feel most of the time) - finish school - do something real - and feel better... just ready for the overwhelming feeling to end... but does it truly ever?