(no subject)
Hi Girls-
Hope all is going well and that everyone is keeping up their goals. Its weird its been like 6 weeks since I have been on here and I let myself go a bit- not exercising, binging and all. I guess it was my way of trying to eat normally and it backfired because all the pain and stress I put into the b/p or the restricting came into this huge overeating binge- I am totally disgusted with myself. Worst yet-- I am kinda seeing a guy and he told his mom about me- which is fine but -- he mentioned that i was 'heavy' his words and that i have stomach problems- which i do and then he goes onto this like 15 min. bender on how i should see a nutristionist -etc and how he has been overweight and how hes lost some and wants to lose more. And all I could think to myself is why are we having this convo? I wont go to a nutritionist one because I dont have the money and two I have an ed that frankly I dont want anyone to know about. I haven't even told my best friends the chaos that is in my head. I havent told them why I go through cycles of being thinner and a big fat cow. I haven't told him my mother is a compulsive overeater and I have to deal with her bringing stuff in the house and trying to fight not to eat it and follow in her footsteps. I told him I lost 31 pounds and he was like well if you lose more like double that and get skinny your stomach problems will practically go away. Hmm if i did that Id be 93 pounds and the only way I can get that skinny is by starving myself to death and not even drink water. I know some girls can get that way my body won't. The worst of it is less than a month ago I saw him and he was saying you don't eat much-- eat- eat. WTF?! I am not happy with my life, myself or my body and I dont need someone who says that they love me getting into the middle of it. I want to lose more weight- but I dont need the grief attached. I know I am going to have to go back on teh diet pills and restrict and exercise a whole heck of alot and today was my last binge was today of a huge bowl of cereal - cheese sticks at papa gino's , two pieces of chocolate and some chicken. I need to get back on track and all - wish me luck!!!
Hope all is going well and that everyone is keeping up their goals. Its weird its been like 6 weeks since I have been on here and I let myself go a bit- not exercising, binging and all. I guess it was my way of trying to eat normally and it backfired because all the pain and stress I put into the b/p or the restricting came into this huge overeating binge- I am totally disgusted with myself. Worst yet-- I am kinda seeing a guy and he told his mom about me- which is fine but -- he mentioned that i was 'heavy' his words and that i have stomach problems- which i do and then he goes onto this like 15 min. bender on how i should see a nutristionist -etc and how he has been overweight and how hes lost some and wants to lose more. And all I could think to myself is why are we having this convo? I wont go to a nutritionist one because I dont have the money and two I have an ed that frankly I dont want anyone to know about. I haven't even told my best friends the chaos that is in my head. I havent told them why I go through cycles of being thinner and a big fat cow. I haven't told him my mother is a compulsive overeater and I have to deal with her bringing stuff in the house and trying to fight not to eat it and follow in her footsteps. I told him I lost 31 pounds and he was like well if you lose more like double that and get skinny your stomach problems will practically go away. Hmm if i did that Id be 93 pounds and the only way I can get that skinny is by starving myself to death and not even drink water. I know some girls can get that way my body won't. The worst of it is less than a month ago I saw him and he was saying you don't eat much-- eat- eat. WTF?! I am not happy with my life, myself or my body and I dont need someone who says that they love me getting into the middle of it. I want to lose more weight- but I dont need the grief attached. I know I am going to have to go back on teh diet pills and restrict and exercise a whole heck of alot and today was my last binge was today of a huge bowl of cereal - cheese sticks at papa gino's , two pieces of chocolate and some chicken. I need to get back on track and all - wish me luck!!!