i'm not big on capitalization

Mar 12, 2004 05:27

so, I know a couple entries ago I said that i would update about this john character and the shenanigans that we were involved in last weekend. and i know i never followed through on said update.

i suppose now is as good a time as any since it's already been this long.

About a month ago: met john for the first time because he was having a party at his house, and all of my friends were going and I tagged along. I was still going out with matt at this time. I vaguely recall talking with him quite a bit, but not feeling particularly receptive to his come-ons. I sort of liked his long, curly, blond hair, nice smile, and intense blue eyes, but I wasn't very taken by him. He kept saying that I should abandon my boyfriend and run off with him. He didn't have a girlfriend at the time.

Fast forward to now. I guess he got a girlfriend shortly after that, but also began talking to Katie, a girl who he has evidently had a crush on for quite some time. He and Katie had gone on some dates while he was still with this other girl, but he was planning to break up with her for Katie. Ugh. Even though I sort of knew it in my head, as I'm writing all of this out it makes it seem very apparent that this guy is a bit of a two-timing dick. let the healing begin, i suppose.

but anyway, he had another party last weekend on Saturday night, had broken up with his girlfriend on Friday, and also went home with Katie Friday night. Nothing was going on b/w John and I ... until Saturday night. Katie went home sick from the party early, I ended up staying until the end, and subsequently slept over. I guess I don't remember a whole lot about the going to bed part, but John and I spent much of Sunday together after having a little fun that morning.

See, in theory I'm a huge proponent of one night stands and no strings attached hooking up, but I don't think I'm very good at not becoming emotionally attached, even if it's against my own will or intentions.

I had so much fun with him on Sunday. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with another person. We had good sex, layed in bed listening to Bach, confided, laughed, played practical jokes, went to the Children's Museum, more sex, etc etc. Maybe I was still drunk from the night before, maybe I was just on some sort of manic escapade, but I've never felt so open, honest, and comfortable with someone. It's easier for me to be like that if I don't have a huge crush (=huge stake) in the person, so maybe that was it too. After spending the day together, we already had a library of inside jokes between us. And I liked him. I guess that's breaking the cardinal rule of hooking up or something? Don't get emotionally involved, or at least not too soon.

Well, later in the evening he told Katie that he'd go meet her at her workplace, and I had things I needed to do also, so we parted ways after he got my number. Ugh. And I really did expect him to call. So he didn't call on Monday. Alright. Tuesday. Nope, no call again. And now Thursday has passed into Friday and still no call. Mentioned it to my roommate who works with Katie, and he told me what maybe I already knew: John asked Katie to be his girlfriend.

I guess that's how it goes. I'm not used to being single. I don't think I'm not used to rejection, but it has just felt especially harsh lately. I like to pass it off as being because I have liked the guys so much but..i don't know.

To make matters worse, when I came home I tripped over some junk in the hall. It was dark so I didn't see what it was. After Stan gave me the John news, I went back to see what in heck was sitting in the middle of the hallway. And it was Jamie's jacket and bag. Jamie is the other guy that I've had an intense crush on. And he chose my roommate. And she's great. Even I have a crush on her, but it just sucks, you know?
I feel so whiney, and I'm sure the way all of this sounds is very high school, petty, immature, etc. And maybe it is. But it doesn't feel that way right now. It feels like my heart has crashed to the pit of my stomach, and now it's just sitting there bruised and battered, blood pooling around it.

i definitely don't do well with heartache. i'm such a pansy. lame. i'm totally going to go to bed now. before i was too down and out to sleep, but now i'm too sleepy to feel quite so much self pity.
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