i'm sorry
I'm really sorry everybody.
I want to say that I only want the best for everybody and I thought I had expressed that but maybe not, and I don't think anybody else has a problem besides myself. I know that my friends don't treat their girlfriends badly, and I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I only want the best. I've taken girls for granted before, I don't want anybody else to do the same.
Maybe I have trust issues. I never thought I would say that, since I've told others how important it is to trust. I should trust my best friend, and I do. I've seen something like this go badly once before a couple of years ago and it broke my heart. we're all past it now. If I ever saw it start to happen again, I hope I would say something, and I hope people would understand that concern is sometimes a better idea than trust. although maybe not right now. and that I know is not happening, so I don't need to worry. I know my past doesn't excuse my fears or make them valid, but they just are. I do trust him. I only wanted to express how lucky he is. I've made a lot of mistakes and said a lot of things I shouldn't say. I'm really sorry everybody. I've unintentionally hurt feelings, and I've made people believe I don't trust them. Some people think maybe I shouldn't care so strongly for them, but I won't back down from how much I care for somebody, and there's nothing anybody could say to make me think differently. It won't tear apart a friendship and I know it because we're all friends mutually and if one person forced another to choose between them then they aren't the person I thought they were in the first place. I love both of you.
Really I want everybody to understand that love and compassion have a lot of different uses and magnitudes. Maybe I wish everybody would trust that I'm saying everything with the best intentions, although I don't give the same to everybody else, so I don't really expect it in return. and sometimes I make mistakes and say things with the hope of bringing somebody else down. I'm a bad person and I know it, and I don't know how to say sorry, and most of the time I don't know what to do. and the only truth I can find is God, and even when I walk with Him I still mess up and do horrible things. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean a whole lot coming from a livejournal. i'm really sorry. I don't want pity from this, I just want people to understand and for things to be ok.
This will be my last post for quite a while, I need to sort things out before I'm ready to bring anything to the public eye. I'm not good at writing posts about nothing, so until I know what to think, I feel it best to keep my thoughts in a private journal. I wish everybody a joyous time reading other people's livejournals and xangas.
I want to say that I only want the best for everybody and I thought I had expressed that but maybe not, and I don't think anybody else has a problem besides myself. I know that my friends don't treat their girlfriends badly, and I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I only want the best. I've taken girls for granted before, I don't want anybody else to do the same.
Maybe I have trust issues. I never thought I would say that, since I've told others how important it is to trust. I should trust my best friend, and I do. I've seen something like this go badly once before a couple of years ago and it broke my heart. we're all past it now. If I ever saw it start to happen again, I hope I would say something, and I hope people would understand that concern is sometimes a better idea than trust. although maybe not right now. and that I know is not happening, so I don't need to worry. I know my past doesn't excuse my fears or make them valid, but they just are. I do trust him. I only wanted to express how lucky he is. I've made a lot of mistakes and said a lot of things I shouldn't say. I'm really sorry everybody. I've unintentionally hurt feelings, and I've made people believe I don't trust them. Some people think maybe I shouldn't care so strongly for them, but I won't back down from how much I care for somebody, and there's nothing anybody could say to make me think differently. It won't tear apart a friendship and I know it because we're all friends mutually and if one person forced another to choose between them then they aren't the person I thought they were in the first place. I love both of you.
Really I want everybody to understand that love and compassion have a lot of different uses and magnitudes. Maybe I wish everybody would trust that I'm saying everything with the best intentions, although I don't give the same to everybody else, so I don't really expect it in return. and sometimes I make mistakes and say things with the hope of bringing somebody else down. I'm a bad person and I know it, and I don't know how to say sorry, and most of the time I don't know what to do. and the only truth I can find is God, and even when I walk with Him I still mess up and do horrible things. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean a whole lot coming from a livejournal. i'm really sorry. I don't want pity from this, I just want people to understand and for things to be ok.
This will be my last post for quite a while, I need to sort things out before I'm ready to bring anything to the public eye. I'm not good at writing posts about nothing, so until I know what to think, I feel it best to keep my thoughts in a private journal. I wish everybody a joyous time reading other people's livejournals and xangas.