(no subject)
I want to object somehow that this is my year and I have set up to be so organised and self sufficient so I don't see why at the end of one week it is me sitting in my room and crying whilst reading poetry.
I know that I'm not very good at making friends, its something that I have been aware of as such for about seven years but I know has been the case for even longer. I though that I was beyond it by now, Orkney showed me a fascinating and terrifying glimpse of a world in which I could talk openly and make fast friendships quickly and although it gave me a number of 'what if?'s it also gave me a huge amount of confidence in my self-sufficiency that I had gone there alone and with no support and yet got on so well that I almost cried to leave. I thought that I had proved to myself my capability for independence and even wondered whether on return to the 'real world' it would seem tantalising to be unable to return. Back in a familiar context however (and without the joys of the stripey-orange beetle gang-wars) it seems that my accustomed awkwardness has returned. Instead, I cling to my routine as justification for my lack of socialising but I fear that metrics and washing up cannot sustain a year's worth of friendship.
We will see.
I know that I'm not very good at making friends, its something that I have been aware of as such for about seven years but I know has been the case for even longer. I though that I was beyond it by now, Orkney showed me a fascinating and terrifying glimpse of a world in which I could talk openly and make fast friendships quickly and although it gave me a number of 'what if?'s it also gave me a huge amount of confidence in my self-sufficiency that I had gone there alone and with no support and yet got on so well that I almost cried to leave. I thought that I had proved to myself my capability for independence and even wondered whether on return to the 'real world' it would seem tantalising to be unable to return. Back in a familiar context however (and without the joys of the stripey-orange beetle gang-wars) it seems that my accustomed awkwardness has returned. Instead, I cling to my routine as justification for my lack of socialising but I fear that metrics and washing up cannot sustain a year's worth of friendship.
We will see.