Where nobody can see me
Dear livejournal. I forget about you in the best of times but remember you when i need you most. When your the only one i can turn to talk about my problems because saying them out loud hurts too much and keep them in hurts to little.
Lately i feel like I have no best friends. Expect maybe Kendrick. Sister annette says your husband should be your best friend. So i guess if I marry Kendrick that would be a point there.
But it's like one is only there when she's nothing else do, the other is always mad at me, and the last never has to time to call me back. I don't feel like they need me. Like they care. Like if i never talked to them again, or left town, died, i feel like sometimes they wouldn't care.
I've been putting my self out there for one, trying to be a better friend cause i was failing before. Thinking how would i feel. And making more time. Putting even Kendrick aside. And just when i think i'm dong great, it blows up. I'm not. I suck.
And the other disappears for days on ends and doesn't make plans til at least three weeks have gone by.
The last one, oh this one is rich. I could call a million times, dying, they wouldn't even pick up.
I'm a great friend. I do my best for the people i call best and i don't take that back lightly but i feel like I don't matter. Like everything i've been doing you didn't even see, you just wanted to be mad at me no matter what i said. And like you were going to disappear whether i made plans or not. And like you ignore my phone calls and don't care to call me back.
Love is faithful, Love is Kind. Love Holds no record of wrong.
That goes for friends too. When you love someone, anyone, Love is always true.
And I can't argue. I can fight. No matter how much I want to all i can say is fine because otherwise I feel sick. I threw up, was nausces and had a horrid headache the last time i argued. I can't do it anymore. But. When i don't i feel like i'm 12 again and everyone hates me. I'm the new stupid kid a school that everyone picks on. I feel like i have no friends.
I feel like I haven't any best friends. And it hurts.